Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull out because of programme at Christmas concert

331 replies

Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:28

I've been going to a choir since September, most of which has been practising for the Christmas concert this week.

We've just had the final rehearsal in which they've introduced a duet which us two people (not including me) singing 'Baby it's cold outside'.

Am I overreacting to pull out? At the moment I don't see how I can sit there through it.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2017 20:17

And I'm sure the person who invented golliwog just wanted a loveable doll. Times change. Our perception of what is acceptable changes.

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/12/2017 20:17

How many people even think of that movie when they hear the song now? I’ve never watched it all the way through so can’t really comment on that with any knowledge from one clip.

I think the Blurred Lines lyrics are indefensible btw and complained about it being played at a primary school fair if that gives you some context for my thoughts!

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/12/2017 20:18

I don’t think that’s a relevant comparison.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2017 20:20

OK, why is that?

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 20:26

The issue is none of us know what intention the song was written with. I don't criticise anyone for having their interpretation but I don't think I'm being a precious snowflake in having mine.

My concern about pulling out is it makes me seem flakey and I and others have been working very hard for three months for this concert. I really don't think they'll suffer much without me, they certainly managed last year. If either of the people singing the duet pulled out we'd lose our only tenor and our soloist soprano.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 10/12/2017 20:38

Pull out if you feel you must, but at least have the guts to say why.

What if the whole choir did the same as you and didn't turn up?

I'm not with you on this. I think you're looking for things which just aren't there.

OldBean2 · 10/12/2017 20:41

The song was written as a party piece for Frank Loesser and his wife. They did it in the early 50s as a means to being asked to Hollywood parties. His son talks about how miffed he was when his dad sold it as he always thought it was their (his parent's) song.

The reference to, "Hey what's in this drink" is not about a Mickey Finn but to drinking too much and hitting cold air, a grave social faux pas for women up to the end of the 70s.

It is about social mores not rape.

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/12/2017 20:53

I don’t think the lyrics of the song wholly support the “rape” interpretation some are inferring from it.

It is not unambiguously about rape in the manner that a gollywog is unambiguously racist and a product of a racist culture.

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 20:54

So if I say why, what does the choir leader do? As I see it his options would be (a) say sorry you feel that way but too late in the day to change; (b) say why don't we ask everyone else what they think; or (c) say we won't do the song. If this had come up a month ago I'd raise it and hope for (b).

With two says to go, b and c risk the dueting couple getting upset/offended (they chose the song) plus the majority of the choir probably don't care. (a) is fine but is the outcome I get from not telling the real reason and my way doesn't put the stress on the choir leader. Plus (a) makes it difficult for me to sing again as in effect they're saying 'we know you're offended but we don't care'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 20:58

*two days

OP posts:
ProperLavs · 10/12/2017 21:00

Well, since oldbean has explained the actual reason the song was written, then you shouldn't have any problem.

I seriously would be exhausted if I got het up the way the op is.

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 21:08

The reason the song was written doesn’t change the lyrics though, does it? In fact, if it’s supposed to be between a married couple then what’s the issue with her staying over?

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 21:10

Good thing you're not me then! Luckily my stress levels are perfectly able to cope with this very first world problem (playing out in a country where there are far bigger issues than this one).

Oldbean may be right but she has her dates wrong and doesn't actually explain what the interpretation is in her view.

OP posts:
Trueheart1 · 10/12/2017 21:44

Pumperthepumper That stuff Robin Thicke says is disgusting.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/12/2017 21:46

There are several interpretations of that song, as discussed upthread. Some people definitely appear to think that bleating about every tiny, nebulous, ambiguous bit of entertainment is a more important battle than, y'know, donating to refuges (or refugees), campaigning for equal pay or protesting any attempts to further restrict access to abortion.
So, really, is this a big enough deal to you for you to disrupt the concert, given that the likely outcome is not going to be that everyone else thanks you for raising awareness and educating them, but that they all think you are a virtue-signalling, precious twat?

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 21:56

Trueheart I know, he’s a prick.

Reanimated that’s hilarious, because I’ve literally just (well, about an hour ago) signed the petition for refuges that’s been referred to on this very thread AND donated money to them! Not much, unfortunately, but a bit that I can spare just now.

People can discuss smaller issues and still fight the big ones.

Have you signed the petition against closing women’s refuges? It’s on the thread called ‘113 women in 2016 were killed by men’ or similar, give me a sec and I’ll get the link for anyone who hasn’t seen it.

BillywilliamV · 10/12/2017 22:02

oh good grief, isnt there enough real stuff in the world to worry about?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/12/2017 22:04

Ive noticed the very funny version by Cerys from Catatonia and Tom Jones is no longer on YouTube. The lyrics aren't good but I think you can take it how you want yo.

Yes. People who have read non-UK press over the last year know exactly why that is...

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 22:25

As I don't plan to say why I'm not attending, why would anyone think I'm virtue signalling? I do have a slight concern that, as someone mentioned up thread, others may drop out as well but given that the general opinion on the thread is I'm being rediculous it shouldn't be too much of a risk!

The song has lots of interpretations,srxual coersion is one of those interpretations. On that basis, I'd prefer not to be in anyway endorsing the song. If I was an audience member I wouldn't walk out but I wouldn't be applauding much. In the choir on the stage (actually front row), if I attend I have to clap and applaud or I am virtue signalling.

Are there really people in the world who are only capable of caring about one thing at a time?

OP posts:
MoreCheerfulMonica · 10/12/2017 22:45

The song was written in 1944 and the film was made in 1949.

I agree with those posters who are pointing out that there's a world of difference between rape and seduction. To me, it's always seemed that she wants to stay and is attempting to leave only because of apprehension about what elderly relatives will think. I agree too that the best version is Glee's.

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 22:47

I don’t think anyone is arguing about there being a difference between rape and seduction- more between seduction and coercion.

Mawalls · 10/12/2017 22:54

yawn, another agenda post where OP has no intention of taking any opinion to heart and inly wants to soapbox.

YABU for supporting the cis-gender heteropatriacrhy dahhling, not very 2017 is it ? Get 2 non binary wolfkin to attain pre written consent prior to any flirting thank xir please

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/12/2017 23:04

Even coercion implies threat or intimidation of some kind; I’m not sure that’s really there either. The conflict is not between them so much as between what she wants to do and what she “ought” to do. But I’m leaving it there.

Meeep · 10/12/2017 23:22

You've made a commitment to go and sing.

If you truly think this song is morally repugnant then you have a duty to speak up and try to bring others to your side of the cause.

It is rude and cowardly to just not turn up.

(If I were your choir leader I would argue because I think it's a cute song.)