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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

You shouldn't use the term SAHM if...

316 replies

TheJennaThing · 10/12/2017 16:21

You don't have children at home during the day? As in, they're in school.
I'm all for SAHP if they're children are actually at home but unless your OH earns mega bucks and you don't need to work surely SAHM isn't the right term if you just decide you're not going to work when you're kids are at school.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 10/12/2017 21:04

Nobody can be this ignorant surely?

Work hard at school, kids.....😂

mustbemad17 · 10/12/2017 21:05

Ooh another troll 😃😃

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 10/12/2017 21:09

Well the weather's bad, must be chilly under those bridges.

tiptopteepe · 10/12/2017 21:14

If cleaning and childcare and cooking arent jobs why do you pay other people to do them?

bigmouthstrikesagain · 10/12/2017 21:20

I am doing unpaid work and training with citizens advice, a valuable service that would struggle to exist without the "economically innactive" people who make up 70% of the service - volunteers.

I am looking for part-time work, my children are 9 and above, two have autism but all are in school. However I had 3 medical appointments and two meetings with school during school hours last week (no option to have them at other times). There is no doubt that my availability makes our family work at the moment. If, as I hope, I find paid employment, that flexibility is lost and there is some trepidation about how it will work out. My children are not flexible don't cope with changes very well and need managing in a different way.

My house can be a tip, I am sure some people - with nowt better to do(?) - might judge me - but that is lazy thinking.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 10/12/2017 21:22

Oh Jubejube I wouldn't say boring. Doing various sports, meeting up with various people for lunch in nice restaurants, volunteering etc.
But feel free to enlighten me with details of who Sharon from accounts is shagging Hmm

AJPTaylor · 10/12/2017 21:23

Lol. Hilarious.
In my 23 years of parenting i have been the following
Sahm to dcs til age 3 and 1
Worked full time for 9 years
Years maternity leave with dc3
Worked full time for 3 years
Worked part time and studied for 2 years.
Worked full time for 4 years.
As a result of that i am now at home wirh a 10 year old. It is glorious.
But luckily i have never sought anyones validation on my life choices

DancingOnParsnips · 10/12/2017 21:23

I'm going to say the unsayable. My understanding is that research is quite conclusive that it helps to have a mother at home for a young child - a father is helpful if not.

It's quite hard to get back to work after time out.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2017 21:24

"that's the age where you have more issues with bullying, when you are most worried about them being unsupervised and they need the most support at school!"

You're not really telling me you're more worried about a 15 year old being unsupervised than about a 5 year old being unsupervised. The support with bullying is important but doesn't have to be done by someone who's at home all the time.

JacquesHammer · 10/12/2017 21:24

Stay at homes bores. Self indulgent lazy people go & get a job

Well I went to the gym, volunteered, took singing lessons. Visited museums.

And I didn't need a job. My partner earned a fuck load so....

I don't often use the adage "only boring people get bored" but I think in your case it must be true.

DancingOnParsnips · 10/12/2017 21:25

hard hat I'm talking proper research, not Daily Mail type research.

fluffypenguinbelly · 10/12/2017 21:28

I say I'm a teacher, because I am. Just not at the moment.

Bigthoughtswoman · 10/12/2017 21:35
Biscuit
TeenTimesTwo · 10/12/2017 21:45

I'm a SAHM, and my youngest is in y8.
She may be out of the house 8:30-3:30 during term time, but I am around before she goes to school, and when she gets home, and in the holidays.
I can help her as much as needed with schoolwork.
We can get jobs done while she is at school, so weekends don't have to be spent doing them.
It was also invaluable to DD1 my being around to help her with GCSE revision as SpLD meant she needed 1-1 assistance with it.

I feel very lucky that we are financially able for me to do this.

clumsyduck · 10/12/2017 21:51

I am a "insert my profession here"

I'm not actually at work at the moment tho . That doesn't mean it isnt my job

Same as a sahp when the kids are at school

GloriaGutbucket · 10/12/2017 22:06

In real life, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as a SAHM, though most if the women I know don't work

Likewise. But when you say they don't work, you mean they don't get paid for working for a company. That's so misleading. If you don't have a paid job then you are free to pick up the slack when your working friends are in need. You can volunteer to work on the till or in the backroom at Oxfam. Or the Red Cross shops. Or any other charity that blows your skirt up.

I've not been in paid work for many years, yet I am never still and I work my socks off for the local community. For example Mencap.
Red Cross and Age UK. I do one afternoon and one morning per week, for each, on the till. I still have to get up at 7am to get a shower and do my hair right, in order to be presentable.

I do this because it's a good thing to do, and because it keeps me on my toes and stops me from getting 'old'.

My dh has always earned enough, maybe not to keep us in the lap of luxury, but enough to keep us out of debt.

One of our dd's has health problems which require me to be instantly available. I cannot take 'paid job' because I need to be able to walk out of my job and hotfoot to the hospital.

We are by no means 'rich' but we are not pushed for getting a meal on the table.

OP's post is a nonsense post Designed to cause argument.

RavingRoo · 10/12/2017 22:18

A lot of women get offended by the term home maker or housewife, but that’s more accurate of a role description if there aren’t kids who need to he home 24-7.

princessworkingmum · 10/12/2017 22:28

I've name changed but I agree entirely with you. I think maybe you phrased your OP badly but essentially don't make out you're staying home bringing up children if you just can't be arsed to get a job. And the most insulting posts ever are the ones that imply that mothers who work somehow aren't full time mothers.

ShizzleYoDrizzle · 10/12/2017 22:30

Oh stop blubbing, princess.

JacquesHammer · 10/12/2017 22:31

@princessworkingmum

So secure in your opinion you have to hide behind a name change?

Why would I get a job when I could do rewarding, fun things and we didn't need childcare.

I only work 20 hours now. My hourly rate is sufficient that I don't need to work more. Sure, I could work all hours and rake it in, but I enjoy being part time Grin

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 22:33

Princess who said that? People are saying if you are a full-time mother when you work full time then you’re also a full time mother when you’re at home full time. Surely you can’t disagree with that?

Hausfrauenvy · 10/12/2017 22:37

This is my fantasy life. I want to stay home while my kids are at school. Id do all the food shopping, tidying, laundry and crappy jobs while they were at school and then be such a good mum when they meet me at the end of the day.
I can't have that life. I am delighted dor ant womwn who can.

Lemonnaise · 10/12/2017 22:40

princessworkingmum

Have you ever been a SAHM? Can't be arsed to get a job? Listen, I've been both a working mum and a SAHM... working was far easier imo.

vwlphb · 10/12/2017 22:45

And the most insulting posts ever are the ones that imply that mothers who work somehow aren't full time mothers.

Literally nobody has said that.

Mulberry72 · 10/12/2017 22:45

I call myself a SAHM.

I became disabled after I had DS and had to give up work. DH earns a salary that means that I don’t have to work, I’ve never had to I just chose to go to work, and if I wasn’t disabled I would go to work.

I’ll csll myself SAHM if I want!

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