You shouldn't use the term SAHM if...

[TheJennaThing]

You don't have children at home during the day? As in, they're in school.
I'm all for SAHP if they're children are actually at home but unless your OH earns mega bucks and you don't need to work surely SAHM isn't the right term if you just decide you're not going to work when you're kids are at school.

[PickAChew]

Ooh, let's all jump up and down and justify ourselves to a shitstain OP.

[puffyisgood]

I agree that for kids aged 5+, 'housewife' is the correct term [i think SAHM implies preschool kids].

But, honestly, I don't care what people want to call themselves.

[PickAChew]

Stitstirring, thou autocorrect is a better judge of character than expected.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@TheJennaThing - so, if I have understood you correctly, you think that someone is only a parent when they are actually with their children, actively parenting.

So a parent who is at work, is not a parent. I am not a parent, because one of my sons has graduated, one is doing teacher training and is out all day, and the other is away at university. And as ds2 (the student teacher) doesn’t need much active parenting, presumably I am. It a parent even when he is at home.

What about when the children are in bed, asleep - is a parent a real parent then? They aren’t actively parenting, surely.

And I must ring my 84-year-old mum and tell her she isn’t a parent any more either - she hasn’t done any active parenting in years - but if it is OK with you, I will wait until after Thursday - that is my birthday, and if she isn’t my mum, she might not send me a card!

[Bluntness100]

My understanding is that research is quite conclusive that it helps to have a mother at home for a young child - a father is helpful if not

Actually that’s not quite true in all fronts, it was on the news last week that children of working mums are on average more developmentally advanced and those whose parent stays home lag behind and don’t develop as quickly on key milestones.

I know that’s not going to be popular but if you google there is a ton of articles that came out about it. I’ve posted the link to the Miriam Stoppard one, to try to avoid any political bias on which agency published the research news and their slant on it.


www.miriamstoppard.com/news/children-working-mums-develop-faster-whose-mothers-stay-home/

[DustyMaiden]

I won’t do it again. I’m not unemployed as you would judge me to sponging.
I shall be a lady of leisure.

[LordSugarWillSeeYouNow]

I don't work. I don't make excuses for it. What are you going to do? Sue me for misrepresentation?

I just think you're jealous.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Do you have dc op?
By your way of thinking, when dc are asleep you're not actively parenting them either.
So for my dc:
Newborn, slept 20 hours a day, actively parenting 4
3 years old - slept about 14 hours per day, active parenting 10
8 years old - sleeps 10 hours, school 6 (term time only), active parenting 8 hours
I've never thought about this till now, but given that they're only in school less than half the days in the year, there's actually more active parenting that goes on at 8 than any other previously.

Anyway, you're talking shit op. You know nothing about most peoples life's and why they do what they do.

[ButchyRestingFace]

What a weird, weird thread.

Still, at least the OP came back to defend her position, I'll give her/him that.

The ones I hate are the posters who ask for advice in their OP and then disappear, never to be seen again, as other posters respond with either lovingly crafted messages of advice or tear each other limb from limb.

[scaryteacher]

unless your OH earns mega bucks and you don't need to work surely SAHM isn't the right term if you just decide you're not going to work when you're kids are at school. As someone in this position whose ds is now doing his MA, I shall in future refer to myself as a kept woman. Does that help OP?

I resigned from my job to follow dh overseas when he was serving in HM Forces. Better for ds to have parents together, even if I was a SAHM, than divorced and reliant on the state?

[ShoesHaveSouls]

To be fair - we get told off by someone whatever we call ourselves.

I got told off by my osteopath for saying "oh, I don't work" - she said "you have 3 children. Yes you do work!"

So - unemployed really isn't true - I'm not seeking a job, so I'm not unemployed. 'Sahm' -- 'FT mum' - 'housewife' - homemaker' - I've seen people take exception to all those terms on MN.

You can call me a lady of leisure, if you prefer, OP. I suppose I'm a sahm to the dog when the kids are at school. DH, DC and DDog love me to be around, and we're pretty well off, so I'm not about to take up a job just because someone on the internet might call me lazy. Mothers seem to get bashed by someone whatever they do.. we can't do right for doing wrong.

But Natalia is right - perhaps we're just considerably richer than youuuuuu

[HarrietSchulenberg]

What's the term for someone who stays at home but who isn't a parent? Take the "mother/parent" bit out and it makes the person sound like a lazy git. Add the "mother/parent" bit in and suddenly it's validated.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

I’m not a stay at home parent, I’m a lady of leisure.

I’m lucky in that my dh has a good career and is happy to support us both. We don’t have any grandparents around so childcare would be difficult if I worked. I’m not particularly skilled or experienced in anything anymore so I wouldn’t earn enough to make it worthwhile after paying childcare. I do help out at the school a few days a week and I volunteer on various groups in the village so I’m not entirely bone idle. I also couldn’t give a flying shit what anybody thinks either, I’m a grown up.

[notangelinajolie]

Thing is - I think somebody needs to tell you - kids are for life.

[3nonblondedd78]

So princess it is insulting to say that a working mum. Is not a fulll time parent when she is at work and the Kids may be at school.
Yet it is fine to say that a sahp is not a sahp because her kids are at school.
Personally I am a sahp who does split shifts around smart self employment and study. Work as a sahp 7 to 9 and 3 to 9.30.
Dh works including commute 8 to 6 with a lunch break. I then do most of the parenting weekends too.
Jo way am I lazy or unemployed.

[MistressDeeCee]

Oh do mind your own business OP. I wish there was a separate forum specifically for women who exist to find ways of scorning other women. Then you could all get on with being disgruntled and envious of some woman or other over there.

The SAHM/WOHM debate is stupid beyond belief. Boring and absolutely pointless "Im better than you" playground stuff

[MistressDeeCee]

I can't fathom why people jump up and rush to explain the ins and outs of their personal situations either. As if they're on trial and have to justify themselves to an unknown who's decided to have a pop.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I suspect that, if @TheJennaThing has any children, they are small - otherwise she would know that, no matter how big your children get, you are still their parent. It is ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

Ds1 (24, graduate, living and working away from home, independent adult) is still my son. I am still his parent.

[CautionTape]

SDT yup.

I tend to notice that it's parents of young DC who endlessly bang on about what parenting is or means. Yet they don't have any perspective.

When your DC reach adulthood and you see it's all come good, then you start to assess at a safe distance. What worked, what didn't. What mattered. What mattered not one jot.

And you look at all their lovely mates brought up in 1001 different ways and think yeah, there's a lot of ways to skin a cat.

[NataliaOsipova]

What's the term for someone who stays at home but who isn't a parent?

If they stay at home and never leave the house? Probably a hermit. If you mean someone who doesn't need to have a job? Probably someone who has a hell of a lot more money than you. Rich, in other words.

Take the "mother/parent" bit out and it makes the person sound like a lazy git. Add the "mother/parent" bit in and suddenly it's validated.

Yes, because, funnily enough, children need to be looked after. Did you know that's the law? Much as I'd love to be able to tell my primary school aged children to get themselves ready and drive themselves to school and back, make their own supper and wash their own school uniform ready for the morning, they just don't seem to get it. Plus there's the fact that they get 19 weeks holiday and apparently it's illegal to leave them on their own in the house all day.....[hmmm]

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

I'm not choosing not to work, we're on WTC, DHL works 20 hours a week, if I work more than 10 our benefits are cut, so we might even be worse off, and where TF am I going to find a job for 10 hours a week? If we lost housing benefit, we wouldn't be able to live in our city, and our 2 youngest DC would have to move schools.

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

Yellow I'm not unemployed, as I can't claim JSA.

[heron98]

I sort of see what the OP is saying.

Once the kids are in school people become "housewives" I suppose, since they are responsible for all the house stuff and not the kids.

[NataliaOsipova]

....I'm brushing up on my Harry Enfield impressions right now, folks

[scrabble1]

I am "at home " even though my DC is at secondary school. I have to attend a lot of meetings and clinic appointments due to SEN. Also caring for elderly PIL. Not earning but I am needed 🙄