To ask how you justify being with a non-maintenance payer?

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

I realise I will be accused of being goady but that is not my intention. I ask the question in all seriousness. If your partner/brother/son/nephew/friend (and female equivalents, of course) and you are aware that no maintenance is paid towards the upbringing of children, what is it for you that makes that OK?

My ex has moved in (again - 4th time!) with his girlfriend recently and she seems perfectly reasonable and my kids really like her. But the fact remains that as a self employed businessman, he pays no child maintenance whatsoever. It has not been an issue - I earn OK and my children want for nothing, but the bitter taste it leaves and the sense of injustice is difficult to shake. I suspect she doesn’t know, and that he has sold her the ‘perfect father’ vs. ‘crazy ex’ story which she has no reason to question (or chooses not to question).

So, under what circumstances is it reasonable?

Pulling it will get better. When I was having my treatment mine went to their dad and it broke me.

I paid maintenance and signed over CB before I get jumped on.

But these men are never wonderful human beings that suddenly have a personality transplant the second they have children with their partners

And yet statistically, domestic violence is most likely to start at the point a woman becomes pregnant, so yes, people do have personality transplants the second they have children with their partners.

But yes, it’s all women’s fault. Men should never take any responsibility whatsoever for their piss poor behaviour.

It’s be nice up their on the moral high ground, eh?

Thank you Cancer I have also signed over CB and pay Child Support. It has happened literally in the last 6 weeks and I am finding it very hard. Thankfully my partner is helping me through it but I am paranoid as a mother nrp of being judged, and a lot of assumptions.

I used 'sisterly' as in, women who reject misogyny, women who can show solidarity to other women in similar situations or even just 'get it' without having been in the same boat. You are one of the few on here who seem to bitterly dislike women.
I think deliberately misconstruing everything everyone says, saying things OP has said which she hasn't, and being defensive for no reason other than for arguments' sake is a form of trolling.

Cancer it's a shame you have had a shit experience of other women, but that doesn't make your argument any stronger or even valid. It's just internalised misogyny through experience. Frankly with such hatred toward women I'm amazed you want to be on mn.

I wouldn't be with them personally but...

Dh has a friend with a child he refuses to pay maintenance to and says is because her new step dad has lots of money and the Mum Just spends it on herself, he also lists tedious reasons like he bought his daughter a new coat or something the weekend he saw her. His partner totally is accepting with this and tells everyone his ex is crazy greedy etc . I do not have any respect for her and it's just a polite hi from me but I don't like either of them.

@pullingmyhairout1
I can understand that. I am sure it is devastating. However i think it was less about that and more about having an easier life for him. He was a difficult man with emotional intelligence. He saw everything from an adults perspective. Couldn't understand why we couldn't be less upset about his behaviour. Astonishingly intelligent and a wonderful teacher, not so great to be married to or be the child of. I think he was thinking practically and also he found me very tricky to deal with. I was 12 and angry and showed it. He found it annoying and 'immature' and that he didn't want to deal with it so i think it was just as much convenience and that it was emotionally messy and challenging as it was perhaps (his level of) heartbreak. If you see what i mean! Don't know if i have conveyed it very well.

He said to me, when i confronted him as an adult, that he thought it would be easier for all of us but he was very open and said he made the biggest mistake and he wished he could undo it. I dont think he would have paid maintenance though - if he could have done his time again. He was tight as arseholes.

There isn’t a sisterhood

You may want to rethink who you hang about with.

And certainly this thread has shown that there are plenty of women prepared to make a stand.

I am not trolling. I just don’t see how the aim of the op can be achieved
And I’d be offended as all get if anyone who barely knew me on date 1 started asking me re my financial situation

POOR emotional intelligence.

That was an important word to miss out!

I don’t have a hatred of other women. I’ve never said that. That is a lie.

No one said YOU or any mother should be interrogated on your financial situation. This has been pointed out to you many times.....

SO aggressive cancer. Your hatred toward women seeps through your posts, how is 'there is no sisterhood' meant to be interpreted

It's a perception, not a lie. Based on what you've been saying.

Pug does sound different. I also didn't choose to leave my child. It was forced upon me, so I expect my view point would be different to his.

Understand why you feel the way you do.

If you don’t ask about the maintenance how do you know?

Not one person has suggested that we start quizzing mothers on maintenance received as part of getting to know them!
This thread is about feckless fathers, who clearly and obviously do not provide for their offspring, where the new partner is fully aware of this fact.
Once again, you either can't get to grips with the subject matter, or are being deliberately ignorant for your own entertainment.

If you don’t ask about the maintenance how do you know?

I have given several suggestions as to how this might be achieved. You only read what you want to.

Fucks sake Cancer do you really expect posters to repeat themselves 50 times for your trolling pleasure?

How do you know if the father who said he’s paying is actually doing so unless you ask the mother or see a Bank statement?

I feel like you're going round in circles cancer 😂

But yes, it’s all women’s fault. Men should never take any responsibility whatsoever for their piss poor behaviour.

My exact point is that it is that we cannot judge other women for staying in a relationship with a POS man who does morally unjustifiable things.

My OH says he pays for his children.

I have never seen proof

How do I know he’s actually paying?

That’s my Question.

You read the clues? Where a father says ‘she’s a fucking bitch’ and ‘she won’t let me see my children’ but the ex is perfectly nice and he has the kids every other weekend, o questions asked? Might that make you think that perhaps all is not it seems? Ever heard ‘actions speak louder than words’? You can scream ‘I’m a nice guy’ to anyone who will listen but what do your actions say? It’s not rocket science.

Can please ignore Cancer and continue with an otherwise interesting discussion?

Kelly - yeah y'can