To ask how you justify being with a non-maintenance payer?

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

I realise I will be accused of being goady but that is not my intention. I ask the question in all seriousness. If your partner/brother/son/nephew/friend (and female equivalents, of course) and you are aware that no maintenance is paid towards the upbringing of children, what is it for you that makes that OK?

My ex has moved in (again - 4th time!) with his girlfriend recently and she seems perfectly reasonable and my kids really like her. But the fact remains that as a self employed businessman, he pays no child maintenance whatsoever. It has not been an issue - I earn OK and my children want for nothing, but the bitter taste it leaves and the sense of injustice is difficult to shake. I suspect she doesn’t know, and that he has sold her the ‘perfect father’ vs. ‘crazy ex’ story which she has no reason to question (or chooses not to question).

So, under what circumstances is it reasonable?

But where does it get us? We cannot be judgemental of all nrp as no one is the same. I do understand as I am sm to 2 dsc and I have felt equally frustrated at times.

Heartbreaking El. Love and support is so important for children. There is so much conflict around these situations.

The maintenance thing bugs me mainly because it is tangible proof he doesn't give a shit, but yea if it were a choice between maintenance and him making it clear to dd he loves her by seeing her, phoning, taking an interest OF COURSE I'd prefer the latter, but as several of us have said people like this tend to do neither!

I personally would find it an ultimate turn off.

My ex is currently trying to offset his travelling costs against his maintenance even though he has no CAO and the reason he's driving backwards and forwards to court is because he can't stick to the rules.

His variation Order has been rejected and the CMS are taking him to court. He tried to get me to tell them he had cleared the arrears of hundreds of ponds ie lie.

If his children were old enough to see just how little he really believes they're worth I'm sure they'd not only be scared of him they'd think he was as much of a dick as I do

The op says that people dating NRPs are supposed to ask and get proof

Not said it, nor have I implied it.

Well if you don’t ask how do you know?

Cancer this thread clearly doesn't apply to you, so what the fuck are you on about?!

If you were silly enough to have a relationship, crawl into bed and have a child with these POS Men, I don't think you are in any position to judge their current partners for making the same mistake.

Jesus, cancer, what is your problem?

Plenty of men are vocal about the fact they pay no maintenance. I have been on dates with men happy to tell me what they think of the ex in the first 3 minutes. Others confide in friends/family members/colleague. More still splash their thoughts over social media for anyone to see. You don’t need bank statements.

f you were silly enough to have a relationship, crawl into bed and have a child with these POS Me

Because people never change? Ever? Because unless there is something to measure it against, you can’t know till it actually happens? Oh and sod right off with the misogyny.

Plenty of people on mn comment on threads that don’t directly affect them

And I know what I do with my oh and I’m a RP

Read the thread Kelly. It would take a fortune teller to know in advance what of shit fathers some men are before they've even have children.

Cancer you're only making yourself look silly by trying to twist things which are crystal clear, just so you can go against the grain and be unsisterly towards other women.

My dads justification was that if my mum wanted a divorce he wasn't going to pay any maintenance as he didn't want one. He'd only agree if she agreed to no money from him ever. She would have had to drag him through courts and he worked in other countries so it would have been hard to prove earnings. She couldn't face the battle.

He also thought it'd be easier if he didn't see us anymore or have any contact even though we were teenagers, so I'm not sure he was brilliant at making decisions.

Cancer is evidently hell bent on having the discussion she wants, regardless of the facts of what anyone else actually posts.

😂

That’s laughing at the sisterhood. There isn’t one and the soon as everyone realises the better.

Also, seeing the script that was immediately spun to my ex when we split - she must be crazy, she'll take all your money, she'll stop you seeing your kid, she'll make you waste all your money in court blah blah blah...and how quickly he seemed to start believing it. And accused me of planning to do it all. I think society sometimes totally supports non payment in a misogynistic 'money grabbing bitter cow' type way.

What fucked me off so much was that they were so fucking wrong. All the money was brought by me to the marriage. He thoughtfully took half of it and was significantly better off after our relationship. And yet i was the one viewed with derision and suspicion.

But these men are never wonderful human beings that suddenly have a personality transplant the second they have children with their partners.
Many of us make the mistake of trying to excuse and ignore the disgusting behaviour of our partners for a variety of reasons.
We can't sit there like mother superior clucking and judging other women for making the same mistakes as us.

Ah Cancer nails her colours to the mast

There isn’t a sisterhood. Where were they when I needed them? There isn’t. Blood is thicker and all that.

Kelly what's so hard to understand that a man with no children is an unknown quantity as a father, while a man who is a shit father to current children is very much a known quantity?

Do you understand the difference?

I hear that Pugon

Pugon I felt like it would be easier not to see my dd after exh got awarded residence because it hurts like hell when she has to go back. I literally sob every single time (although it is early on and still very raw). She loves me though, and needs me, and that trumps my stupid emotions.