Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

365 replies

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/12/2017 15:20

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 09/12/2017 20:21

I like gift giving and think it's important for the children to see gifts as an exchange rather than just something they receive

Agree with this.

I honestly think there is something wrong with a world where gift giving has become hated because everyone constantly treats themselves anyway

And this. We have a fairly high income. I could buy myself lots of stuff. I don’t, because it’s just stuff. I like to receive things like luxury hand cream because it’s the sort of thing I love but wouldn’t buy for myself, despite having the money to. I don’t think that makes me materialistic/grabby/consumerist, or in any way needing to grow up.

ShizzleYoDrizzle · 09/12/2017 20:23

cathy little bit sensitive are we? *You're^ the one saying that any adult who enjoys receiving a Christmas present needs a 'wake up call'. Are you always this much of a drama queen?.

Hey ho!

CassiniDivision · 09/12/2017 20:31

TittyGolightly
I'm in agreement with you there too. But was looking at the root cause. Santa won't have a say either!

cathyclown · 09/12/2017 20:32

Ah Shizzle.

Get with the season. It is all good.

Merry Christmas.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 09/12/2017 20:33

cathyclown I do give them money. My beef is with giving my hard earned cash to the 19-23 yr olds with more spending money than me. But that's probably just teenagers and I'm probably just being a grumpy mare I'm sure.

cathyclown · 09/12/2017 20:39

Dr Krogers

I know. It is unreal what can happen at Christmas.

You are not a grumpy mare at ALL. You are a realist.

Your own family comes first imo.

Nyx1 · 09/12/2017 20:39

on the adults/children thing - if you are going to do Xmas gifts, I can't see why you'd exclude adults. Baffles me. And I find it bizarre that people without DC are sometimes expected to give to those with and get nothing at all in return.

Christmas every four years would be brilliant - we still wouldn't do any of it but it would just make things less annoying!

cathyclown · 09/12/2017 20:46

Apart from children, I do find it bizarre to buy presents for adults.

Totally unnecessary, unless the adults are childlike. Think about it. Are we adults so in need of gloves, scarves, mugs, Boots smellies etc. Come on now folk!

ShizzleYoDrizzle · 09/12/2017 20:47

We get it. Why oh why do you keep repeating yourself?

Ecureuil · 09/12/2017 20:48

Are we adults so in need of gloves, scarves, mugs, Boots smellies etc. Come on now folk!

My family don’t buy me things like that! They buy me things like books (I love books and could never have enough of them), things related to my hobby... I think some of your bitterness about it might be down to the fact that your family don’t know/care what you like and buy you crap generic gifts instead.

Nyx1 · 09/12/2017 20:52

Cathy, that's why I don't like doing Xmas presents with all and sundry but that's across the board, children or adult.

with gifts for adults, if you pay attention to what they want - which may be nothing! - that's fine. But posters saying that they bought for people's DC and never got anything in return - bizarre.

In fact, I'm surprised you buy for people's children if you are against the whole tat swap?

RiceBurner · 09/12/2017 20:52

YANBU!

I hate thinking about what to get people and then buying the stuff which I am almost sure will be wrong.

I also hate getting stuff I don't want (while trying to look pleased) and the guilt I feel afterwards re all the wasted time and money.

Fortunately, we were able to give our children cash for bdays and Xmas as soon as they were old enough to make their own (supervised) choices.

And since then, we have managed to reduce gift giving to the point that now it is zero. (As even weddings tend to ask for cash now?)

Someone once said (can't remember who) that giving a gift imposes an obligation upon the receiver. And I agree. It's an obligation to look appreciative (even if you have to fake it) and a later obligation to reciprocate in some way.

So those of you who think they choose/give thoughtful gifts might be shocked to find out how the recipients of your gifts actually feel unhappy with their gift and would have liked something else. (As so much pretending goes on just to avoid any hurt feelings.)

I also believe that gift giving in our current commercial system is a net loss of money to individuals, as in most cases the gift receiver either wouldn't have chosen to buy that item at all or else would not have spent the amount on it that the giver did. (So they under value the gift by a percentage which could be as much as 100% ie when they just give it away or bin it.)

In the past when obtaining some items might have impossible (eg rationed goods during the war or exotic goods from overseas say more than a hundred yrs back) or when we had to barter as we had no cash, certain gifts might have been impossible to get. Something not easy to come across would have been very special and valuable. (Even re-sellable if not needed.) But now we can all buy everything we need online, if we have the money, what's the point in exchanging gifts on bdays and at Xmas etc? (Usually there's little or no second hand value if unwanted, so they are given away or else go to charity where they will be sold on at a fraction of the purchase price.)

Better and more efficient to keep your money and spend it more wisely ... on something for yourself? (Or to get exactly what someone wants by letting them choose it/buy it together with you?)

In case of poor ppl and of wanting to help them, just give them the cash, so they can get what they really want or save up for something more expensive later? (Rather than what you decided to give them.)

Gift giving has had it's time/purpose prior to the widespread use of cash (eg when swapping your preserved fruit for your neighbour's eggs might have been mutually beneficial), but it's a tradition which needs to be phased out IMO, as it's now too wasteful in terms of time and money.

Even little kids probably know what the want these days (from TV ads and friends) so give them an amount of money and then let them choose how to spent it on their own presents?

If they are too young for that, they will probably happy with no gift at all ... or an empty box to play with?! Smile

It's the shops and companies/individuals who are selling us the gifts who don't want the madness to stop. They want us to continue panic buy expensive crap. So we are being conditioned to keep buying gifts ...for purely commercial reasons!

Everyone IMO needs to buy a bit less!

StealthPolarBear · 09/12/2017 20:53

Can I just say I love giving and receiving spontaneous presents. My family do give me lovely stuff but what sticks in my mind is the day I found out I passed my a levels my mum popped home from work at lunchtime with a magazine and some m and ms for me. That meant loads to me - her way of saying well done, now time to relax iyswim. Other things where people have seen stuff and thought of me genuinely mean something. My grandpa made and decorated out wedding cake and it means more to me than any other gift that he might have bought for the same (very expensive I'm sure) cost.

cathyclown · 09/12/2017 20:54

@Ecureuil

Oh dear,

That is not a nice thing to say about my family. Not very nice at all since you don't know them or me, or anything about us.

But if it makes you happy to say that, what can I do?

KindergartenKop · 09/12/2017 20:57

I spend all fucking day thinking about other people: What will ds2 eat for lunch, how can I make time for ds1 to do his reading for school, how much tidying will DH have to do when he gets back from work and how can I help him, how can I get the kids I teach to pass their exam?

The last thing I want is to spend a month thinking about what my family, who have everything they need anyway, want for Xmas and then spend loads of bloody money on it. My brother always asks for ridiculous toys which I resent spending £50 on when he's 35!

Ecureuil · 09/12/2017 20:57

It wasn’t meant to be unkind, it was what felt like a reasonable assumption from what you have posted. If you think the only gifts adults give to each other are things like boots smellies and mugs, then it’s no wonder that you think gifts are pointless and a waste of money.

Nyx1 · 09/12/2017 20:59

also on the "thoughtful" gifts - charity shops are inundated with stuff after Xmas and I bet we all looked pleased receiving it!

speaking of not knowing how Xmas turned into all this, I remember I asked on a thread about Jehovah's Witnesses, what was so bad about them and practically the first answer was about not doing Xmas!

TittyGolightly · 09/12/2017 20:59

A lot of it lands in the Charity shop come end January. Sadly for the buyer, but great for the charity

Not really. Item costs £20. Given to charity shop who sell it for a fiver. Would have been better to give the £20 straight to the charity.

Nyx1 · 09/12/2017 21:01

cross post with Titty - also not great for the charity shops here as they end up binning it because they haven't got room for it. We are not in a naice area so it's mostly plastic tat and novelty jumpers. They have big signs up all through January saying "we can't take any more donations" and people still dump them by the door when the shop is closed.

It's like all those clothes in shops that go straight in a dumpster when they don't sell.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 09/12/2017 21:10

I always think there's something a bit pathetic about posts such as "What can DS get his Dad?"

Who gives a shit?

My DH and I have homemade gifts from our DC....we certainly don't take them out shopping to buy tat!

DemonDiva · 09/12/2017 21:32

I am so relieved to read this thread; so it’s not just me who gets a yearly sinking feeling about the whole gift-swapping palavour. It’s hard to swim against the tide sometimes...

Jaxhog · 09/12/2017 21:33

So you can't be bothered to think about someone else for the time it takes to buy a present. That is truly sad.

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/12/2017 21:35

Have you read the thread?

OP posts:
MiraiDevant · 09/12/2017 21:37

Ha ha hobbies! An ex of mine was an angler. Loved it. Was very good at it - fished in competitions. He got given so many books on Angling you wouldn't believe it. All of them were way below the level that he was functioning at and many were the wrong specialisation - rudd instead of perch or fish that weren't available in the area he lived in or "how to tie flies" (for beginners when he was a champion at it.) How could anyone know the hobby well enough to buy for an expert.

My dad was a train/railway fanatic. He also got books on trains, but always the wrong ones as well as train place mats, train desk-stands, train notebooks - why??????

CabbagesOnFire · 09/12/2017 21:37

I hate buying presents but I hate receiving them too. My mother spends lots of money on clothes I never wear, in shops where there's nothing I want to exchange them for. I just wish she wouldn't. My sister and I have agreed not to bother, but my brothers always buy expensive and overpackaged smellies, and I just wish they wouldn't. Every year we say we're not doing presents, but every year they buy presents anyway. I think it's a form of one-upmanship. Sigh.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread