To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

Ecureil I agree with you regarding being able to do both but some people here seem to have difficulty with this, it's the same attitude as Christmas being about spending time with the people you Love, not present giving...funny enough you can do both eh!

Fair enough if you don't like it but I enjoy choosing presents for people I care about.

I agree. We don’t do prezzies....only for tiny ones.

We do a Crisis at Christmas donation for Christmas. Much better for us.

We do a Crisis at Christmas donation for Christmas. Much better for us

We donate too. I took my 4 and 2.5 year olds to the supermarket to do a food bank shop this morning, and explained why we were doing it.

Cassini

The church has nothing to do with my Xmas, so no agreement needed from them!

"DeStijl

I hate it too. I know it makes me an ungrateful cow but I just can't be doing with it. There's not a lot I actually want. I don't wear jewellery, I like to choose my own smellies, I'm quite picky with books, I like cheap crappy chocolate so the naice stuff is wasted on me. I dread opening some more "stuff" that I will have to find a place for in my house and I hate picking out things for others and worrying they'll hate it."

I could have written that word for word, including the cheap chocolate. By any chance do you prefer instant coffee too?

And yes to receiving more ornaments. I have enough crap in my house and I hate it

I’d think my family had gone insane if they bought me an ornament

Give them away, Stealth. Someone will like it. It could also make money for a charity. Redistribution of wealth is a good thing. Giving to a food bank, great. Give food gifts to that. People who can't afford luxuries will like treats too.

But... The guilt. The feeling that I should love them. And gherkin worry the giver will ask. That said my family I think have got the message that I don't want stuff.

Why does my phone correct the to gherkin?

Stealth I set the precedent in making it clear I don't mind them exchanging. I give out receipts if I can. I'm interested in what they get instead. I make sure they don't feel guilty regifting or exchanging. So in return, I don't.

I agree people shouldn't over spend but the posters saying they hate having to think about what someone else would like are BU.

The entire point of gift giving is to be thoughtful and think about the people you care about. The best gifts are ones that show you considered the person.

I don't like gifts either op. Every year I tell my family to just buy for the kids and dp and I will buy them a token pressie but we are always ignored. Mostly I recieve dvds I will never watch or things that are brought to the charity shop. I hate it when people waste their hard earned money on crap and would rather they just visit and share a glass of wine with us.

Do some people’s family not know them at all?

Oh, I feel a bit too responsible when people are over invested in their gift to you/your family. You feel you have to love it, care for it impossibly carefully and not break it. Wait years for regifting something like that. If can do it at all. There has to be a happy medium regarding thoughtfulness.

No, YANBU. I get very annoyed at the belief you have to give presents. It's not a gift in that case is it, more a duty/obligation? But the only way to fix this is let everyone know you are no longer doing presents and then stick to it. It will be hard, because most of them will get you presents anyway, and you will have to thank them and then say something on the lines of "... But I did say no presents". Don't crumple and get a present at this point - hang on in there possibly feeling guilty but you shouldn't - gifts are gifts and you exercised your right not to give. Within a couple of years you will be close to receiving no presents at all and it will feel okay not to give either.

I love buying and receiving presents, even if they're crap

I wish I had the money to go out and buy whatever I saw which fit the bill. One Christmas DSis and I went to stay with a member of our stepmother's family and so my Dad gave us an amount of money and a list of people to buy presents for. We had an absolutely brilliant time going around the shops choosing things for everyone. It was fun. I'd love Christmas to be like that but we're skint, so it's kids presents only.

I don't like buying gifts for ungrateful teen/ adult nephews and nieces. But I still feel pressured to do so YANBU imo

Money for teens is just SO much appreciated! They can spend it as they wish and the thought is there.

I would not waste my time trying to think what a teen would like as a present. Waste of my time and mental space! Just a few bob in a lovely gift card (they are made for a reason!) is perfect.

Teens are not adults though, just to mention.... Adults get nothing here and vice versa. Sensible decision all round. IMV. Yay.

Adults need a wake up call if they need a pressie. Shudder.

I suppose this comes from the same school of thought that believes anyone over the age of 21 who celebrates their birthday is in some way emotionally stunted.

I don't like buying presents either - I get really worried the other person won't like it. Like irrationally worried. My husband and I don't buy each other presents and we don't buy for his mum or brother either which is fab - I just wish my parents (mum really) would give it a rest.
When I have to buy presents I walk around the shops with this weird panicky feeling and can't seem to think properly.

Shizzle

Get over yourself and your goady thoughts! If you care to check me out I did say that SIGNIFICANT birthdays are a different matter. Hey ho.

On 27th December no one cares who bought what for whom!

A lot of it lands in the Charity shop come end January. Sadly for the buyer, but great for the charity.

I like gift giving and think it's important for the children to see gifts as an exchange rather than just something they receive. In my family adult presents are not extravagant (£10-15 at most) and it is nice to receive something you wouldn't buy for yourself or that you need. It's also nice for the children to see adults enjoying and appreciating those gifts throughout the year.

However, it is extremely hard to buy for someone who you know will just buy stuff for themselves if they want something . I find is slightly ironic that people declare adult gifts pointless and consumerist on the basis that an adult will just buy stuff they want anyway. To me the consumerist thing is the just buying stuff when you want it rather than waiting. For example, my family all love reading. We all know which authors each of us enjoys. None of us buys books for ourselves in the latter part of the year because we know someone will want to give it to us for christmas. Nor would I buy myself nice chocolates but love it if I am given them as a treat. I honestly think there is something wrong with a world where gift giving has become hated because everyone constantly treats themselves anyway.