To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

Pissing myself at "lit up faces".
They are pretending. Just so you don't feel awful at having spent a load of money on shite.

Firstly, why on earth would there be only either extreme joy or utter horror over a present? Surely the majority of normal human beings are grateful and either mildly or thoroughly pleased with a present, because most people have the sense to buy something the person will like. How hard can that actually be, if you know the person?!

Secondly, why on earth would you buy 'shite'?

My DH has 3 adults in his family who have an unbelievable amount of self entitlement. They cry poverty the whole time when it comes to sticking their hands in their pockets but spend loads on themselves and have a string of properties. They ask for massive gifts off my DH, but never buy him or I anything. They buy my DC something very small and expect massive thank yous. I have slowly decreased what we spend on them and they are really unhappy with us. I no longer care TBH. I am so sick of adults who think the world revolves around them.

Eolian I admit I'm probably a hard person to buy for, Little time for hobbies, not into clothes or smelly stuff, while nobody buys 'shite' i end up with lots of cupboard clutter / stuff that I just don't need or want.

MrsKoala - I'll be impressed if you really know all your relatives as well as you know your parents... If, on the other hand, you have been able to confine your present giving to the small number of people you actually know incredibly well and know what they already possess, then good on you!

YANBU, we’ve had a no xmas gifts for adults pact in my side of the family for years, which has been bliss. Even the kids got vouchers or cheques once in their teens. DH’s side of family, not so much and that was stressful having to say how wonderful the gifts were as they were often opened in the presence of the present giver. Totally agree with the pp about Kindle, I can only read books on kindle nowadays, so no-one knows what I like reading or even that I am reading a book not playing games or whatever.
However work is a different matter and for many years wasted both time and money on —tat— office presents - why do the present givers always hold sway? Being paranoid I can’t ditch them at a charity shop at least not until a year or so has passed in case they’re seen and recognised. I always think thanks, but I’m quite capable of buying my own mistakes and at least can get rid with impunity. It’s the time it all takes which I grudge; I spent longer looking for those office gifts than I spent on my own family cards etc, as I have no idea what to get anyone and would wander round department stores in despair the weekends leading up to the big day.

Banyantree I would cut back on what you spend on them too or even better tell them to stop buying your DC "they have too much etc".
Or start pleading poverty too - "kids are getting bigger clothing them and feeding them is becoming so so expensive we're struggling to make ends meet"

Koala your gift to your parents sounds perfect
I'vw managed a few of those sort of thoughtful gifts over the years but I've been an adult for 30 years and thirty years of "xmas gifting" is taking its toll on my time, mind and money

As a kindle reader I get just as much pleasure from people now giving me Amazon vouchers rather than books, means I can choose my own. My family know I love reading and so often give me Amazon vouchers as presents and I never have to fake pleasure at reviving them! Not sure why the other kindle fans aren't doing this? Sometimes they'll give me the voucher along with a recommendation for a particular book that they think I'll enjoy, often they're right but if it's a book I've read or just don't fancy it then there's no obligation to use the voucher for that.

It's rare now but I sometimes miss the mark even buying something for myself!

I think there's a huge difference between buying a child something that they have waited ages for, can't buy themselves and will spend hours playing with/using and buying an adult something that they aren't that bothered about (or they would already have it) and if they really wanted could buy it themselves.

unopened perfume I would take to the charity shop.

Or possibly package up with any other unopened toiletries I could find and give to the local Women's Aid for the refuge but perfume is so personal I would stick to the charity shop tbh.

Oh yes, i only buy for my parents and DH! I don't know anyone else. So that makes it much much easier.

Depends on the make up of the family doesn't it? We have grown up children and a large selection of waifs and strays here for Christmas. Include a widow and a widower in their eighties, two ex foster children who have no family, disabled lady with no family in this country. I buy things for them to open on Christmas Day because they would receive no presents otherwise.

my dad bought me the same perfume for years. When I said "no more gifts" I actually asked him - gently - why he had done this. He said "I thought you liked it" - he really thought it was my favourite and that I was using the bottle each year.

I don't really wear perfume and haven't done so for years. He clearly got the idea from somewhere, I don't think he was deliberately being thoughtless but sometimes that's how it goes.

my best mate bought me full on blingy jewellery for a couple of years before finally spotting that I don't wear it. It's partly because she'll say "look at my new ring" and I'll ooh and aah because I'm supposed to but I'd never wear it myself.

I always get really sad around xmas time as I don't have any friends or family. I find all the adverts and films make me feel really lonely. i grew up dreaming of a big family where everyone came together. Perhaps we should set up a matching scheme where losers like me can live thru other peoples families and buy presents on your behalf!

MrsKoala, you are not a "loser".

As we don't really do Xmas I will be here on the day chatting. Is there a Xmas Day moan/chat thread, does someone normally make one?

@MrsKoala you do have family though.

As for all the hyped up portrayal of family life at Christmas it's just a pile of rubbish. It's not real.

I'm only joking. It's just what happens when an only child marries another only child and neither have any family.

I can imagine it must be a complete pita to buy things for relatives you hardly know.

I remember ex-Mil wrapping and giving packets of pocket tissues to some people at xmas. Great Auntie Jean opened them and exH looked at exMIL with a wtf face, and she huffed 'it's the thought that counts'. So no thought at all then!

MrsKoala, you're joking that you feel lonely?

I totally get it if you do but I think it's a media creation. I'm delighted not to have a huge family, unless of course they all opted out as well.

no wait...generally, I'm glad not have a huge family

Those people who find it difficult to buy things others will like, why not ask them what kind of things they'd like? Doesn't have to be a proper wish list, just a few hints about the types of things they like (and don't like!).

No i'm joking that i'm a loser. I do feel lonely sometimes. But i think lots of people do at xmas, there is a big hype about families and being together and giving gifts. Depends on your upbringing i suppose but as a child i really envied friends who had big families and lots of traditions.

I think it's a language of love thing too. I find buying gifts show people i am thinking of them and care about them.

Just don't do it. Tell them in advance of course. "I'm not doing presents for adults this year so you don't need to get me anything either."

Simple.

I don't do Christmas cards. Nobody has ever complained.

@Eolian I have asked and have had,

Oh Surprise me, I love surprises.

You know the kind of things I like.

Whatever you think.

Anything.

Not fucking helpful at all!

Eolian - the one person (outside of DH and DC) that I still enjoy exchanging gifts for with (birthdays only) gives me clear advice - nothing exact (except for her DC) but it makes it all so much easier. It is still a bit silly though - as we don't live close it involves posting something she could get herself locally and vice versa.

Most other people just won't tell you (I'm one of them and I my the reason - I don't really want anything, and if I did then...well I would have already have bought it).

MIL used to give us her and FIL's wish list - it was really exact - right down to the shop to get it from (frequently an independent NOT in our town!). Sometimes it had several versions of the same thing one so we could choose - the cheap version, the average version and the expensive version they really wanted. After a few years of it the tiny amount of pleasure I had exchanging gifts was killed off. I hate it now. Don't get me started on SIL's PA gift giving!

I discovered recently why my MIL always buys loads of crap for us. Really. Christmas is awful. Loads of real crap. Horrible jumpers that don't fit, horrible loads of things. We just bung it all in a big bag and take it straight to a CS.

It was the way she was brought up to see Christmas as being like a sharks' feeding frenzy. Her own mother would actually wrap herself presents so she could join in with the frenzy. I said how sad, and my MIL just couldn't see it.

The whole thing is really sad. Much of the family play along to keep her happy but tbh I find it harder and harder to do so. I don't so much mind her wasting her money if it keeps her happy. Just the pretending to like the rubbish and blatant consumerism. It also means that she isn't really content with a couple of decent good quality gifts. She is happier with piles of little things. We try to keep it to consumables now so at least they are useful.

Otherwise, the only presents I will buy this year are close family, people I want to buy for, people it will give me pleasure to find something nice for. Or even, ask what they want.

I'm really not bothered by the whole great piles of presents thing these days. I've got enough clothes and things now, little thoughtful things from people I really love are nice but thank every relevant deity the days of swapping presents with people en masse have passed.

Biber "It was the way she was brought up to see Christmas as being like a sharks' feeding frenzy"

I think a lot of people are, to be fair.