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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly offended?

162 replies

BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/12/2017 11:58

I'm not one to take offence easily, as I tend to take things in the spirit in which they are meant, which isn't usually offensively. However, just had a meeting with my new manager (have recently moved depts within same company), and he informed me that the head of the company described me as "a bright girl". I'm 38 ffs!!

Now, I know it's intended as a compliment, the 'big boss' is a lovely Scottish man I get along well with, and I suspect it's a phrase more in his vocab than "intelligent woman", so I'm not going to get all het up about it. But I am a bit affronted, I have to admit. I'm not a ten year old child!

I am struggling a little with my self-worth at the moment, so I could just be over-reacting. Silently, to myself and Mumsnet! Please tell me if IABU...

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/12/2017 20:02

Which is the professionally unoffended's response to anyone being mildly offended by anything.

Oh bollocks. I get offended by stuff but this is just ridiculous.

Let's as women get offended when someone identifies us as 'bright'. Utterly daft.

Originalfoogirl · 08/12/2017 20:35

*We also call men boys too....In every day conversation we'll say "The boy"....As in "What's this boy doing" or "Where's the boy today"

I’m Scottish and neither I, nor anyone I know, nor anyone I work with does this. Same with the girl thing. It might be common in your area but it is not a Scottish thing. And no matter where it is from, it is patronising and diminishing.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 08/12/2017 22:50

I take it you are not in Fife then foogirl because it's very common there.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2017 22:57

"Let's as women get offended when someone identifies us as 'bright'. Utterly daft."

No. As women we should not want to be identified as "girls".

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2017 22:58

"*We also call men boys too....In every day conversation we'll say "The boy"....As in "What's this boy doing" or "Where's the boy today"

Well, I never heard this in the time I was living in Crail........l

BlessYourCottonSocks · 08/12/2017 23:07

Christ. Crail is about 9 miles from St Andrews. It's posh.

You'd have certainly heard it in Kirkcaldy or Lochgelly, which is where DH is from.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2017 23:16

So, first it's Scotland. Then it's Fife. Then it's a particular bit of Fife......

Originalfoogirl · 08/12/2017 23:27

Not in Fife. Been in NE, Central and the Lothians over my 43 years, never heard it in common usage.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 08/12/2017 23:36

I'm in SE Scotland and I have to say I never use "woman" or "lady" much at all. I'd say "lassie", "wifie" or "girl" depending on the circumstances. In this scenario I'd probably have said "bright lass".

I say "lad" or "laddie" almost exclusively for males, although I was recently amused at my late uncle's funeral to hear my other uncle say to his friends, "Thanks for coming, boys" when they were all mid-to-late 80s!

My boss once described me as a "smart cookie" - is that OK?

Lindy2 · 08/12/2017 23:39

Was it intended to offend or as a compliment?
I would think it was a compliment.
As an intelligent woman, overlook the actual words used and take the statement with the meaning it was intended.

geekone · 08/12/2017 23:42

No it's in a lot of scotland I live in one part and come from another other Coast part not to be too outing and it is very common. Not sure about Edinburgh but common in Glasgow. My DH calls men boys I call women girls. my man would always say uounyoung girls talking about mum mum in her 60s girls night out/in and for the record wee lassie means exactly the same it's just any feamale younger than you or shorter than you in Scotland. All we do any more is find little pieces of nonsense to criticise and analyse to the nth degree.

I don't disagree that there are things we need to change in society but one of those is the negative connotation that the word girl has. If girl was considered to be a strong word a person of strength we would t be having this conversation. How about we start by taking back to word girl and showing everyone yes I am a smart girl, I am a strong girl.

www.always.co.uk/en-gb/about-us/our-epic-battle-like-a-girl

Thanks if you got to the end of my rant. Blush

geekone · 08/12/2017 23:44

God typos

nan not man you young girls not uounyoung *costal not Coast. Xmas Blush

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 08/12/2017 23:50

OP your colleague sounds like a sanctimonious dick. 'Bright Girl' my arse. It's such a lame complement especially when he described your colleague as an intelligent guy. He probably thought he was flattering you because it would make you feel youthful.
I hate the assumption that being young is the be all and end all. We spend over half our lives being 'old' we need to start feeling good about it! I think you should be offended, but not 100% sure what you can do about it now.

thewavesofthesea · 09/12/2017 00:10

33 year old professional here. Working in a traditionally male dominated profession (that is now more female dominated)

I would raise my eyebrows at being called ‘a bright girl’. I’m not easily offended, but I would much prefer to be called ‘a caring x’ or a ‘bright x’ or an ‘experienced x’ or an ‘intelligent x’ (x being my profession) None of these indicates my gender/sex. It is simply not relevant.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/12/2017 06:31

No. As women we should not want to be identified as "girls".

I don't disagree with this Bert it is daft/ slightly patronising to refer to someone 40 as a girl. But to decide that it's sexist because men are always referred to as men never lads/ boys (definitely not true and also daft) and then to handwring over the word 'bright' and whether it's used for men is utterly daft. Because women get credence at work for being intelligent and it's something that where I work people (both male and female) are definitely judged on.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2017 06:53

"I don't disagree that there are things we need to change in society but one of those is the negative connotation that the word girl has. If girl was considered to be a strong word a person of strength we would t be having this conversation. How about we start by taking back to word girl and showing everyone yes I am a smart girl, I am a strong girl."

Why would you do that? The word "girl" has a perfectly good meaning and it is not "adult human female" We have "woman" for that. Your suggestion is like saying we should take back the word "baby" ..........

grobagsforever · 09/12/2017 06:55

It would bother me. Patronising and sexist.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2017 06:58

"then to handwring over the word 'bright'

I wasn't "handwringing" over the word bright. I asked whether other people used it about adults because I don't think I do but immediately accepted that others do.

But I also accept that it's no use trying to have any sort of discussion with anyone who uses expressions like "handwring".

Sensimilla · 09/12/2017 07:01

No, no, no!

Even the 'bright' part isnt a description that would be used for men. I dont know what you do about it though

ZigZagandDustin · 09/12/2017 07:03

Bright is an inferior word. Think about when it's used. Often kindly in relation to children but to use it on an adult is condescending.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2017 07:06

I cannot imagine circumstances where a boss would describe a middle aged professional male as a "bright boy".

Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/12/2017 07:08

That isn't the case at all Bert. It's the obsession with everything being sexist rather than just plain daft.

Even the 'bright' part isnt a description that would be used for men. I dont know what you do about it though

Er yes it is, frequently. What a load of utter nonsense. Being called 'bright' is a compliment for either sex. 'Inferior' er no that's 'not very bright'.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/12/2017 07:12

As I've said a million times the word 'lad' that makes me wince every bit as much is used instead. I don't think that is better or worse. I also don't think middle aged women generally get referred to as 'girls' in the workplace anyway.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2017 07:13

"That isn't the case at all Bert. It's the obsession with everything being sexist rather than just plain daft."

What do you mean by "obsession"? Some things are sexist. Some are plain daft. Some are both. The things that apply to women only are usually sexist. Unless you can convince me that the head of the company in the OP would describe a middle aged preofeesional man as a "bright boy" then this one is sexist.

FairfaxAikman · 09/12/2017 07:16

My 86 year old grandmother is sometimes referred to as a girl!

I'm the youngest in my office by 15 years and the only female and I collectively refer to my colleagues as "the boys".

Probably a Scottish thing, I definitely wouldn't get het up about it (unless he was calling you a "silly little girl" so something more negative)