To feel slightly offended?

[BeautyQueenFromMars]

I'm not one to take offence easily, as I tend to take things in the spirit in which they are meant, which isn't usually offensively. However, just had a meeting with my new manager (have recently moved depts within same company), and he informed me that the head of the company described me as "a bright girl". I'm 38 ffs!!

Now, I know it's intended as a compliment, the 'big boss' is a lovely Scottish man I get along well with, and I suspect it's a phrase more in his vocab than "intelligent woman", so I'm not going to get all het up about it. But I am a bit affronted, I have to admit. I'm not a ten year old child!

I am struggling a little with my self-worth at the moment, so I could just be over-reacting. Silently, to myself and Mumsnet! Please tell me if IABU...

I think your reading too much into this and that it's lost a bit in translation. I am Scottish and to be honest calling women girl's is quite common where I'm from.
My friend and I were called 'girls' the other night on face book re a selfie we had taken whilst out. I'm in my 60s!!

It is certainly a very odd phrase. Of course it isn't meant to be offensive or belittling in any way but it doesn't sound right somehow. Especially when referring to someone middle aged.

How fucking condescending. Does he call the men 'bright boys'???

To say someone is a 'bright girl' in a professional setting is not on. It's also frightening how many women think it's a bloody compliment! No wonder it's hard to get men to speak about women in a respectful and appropriate manner.

I'd probably have instantly said pointedly 'That's nice, well (boss) is quite a bright boy himself!'.

Or maybe 'a bright girl?! What am I, 5' (laugh).

Because the man relaying the 'complement' is equally condescending by repeating the comment and not switching it to 'you are well regarded' or 'he clearly thinks highly of you' or 'he was very complementary about your work'. Etc.

urgh...just no. I hate to be referred to as a girl...what with it being used as a derogatory term and all.

Do you never say a girly night out ????

Yes in the same way as some say a boys night out. But that still doesn’t make it acceptable when addressing an employee in a professional setting.

And the male equivalent of girls is boys, not lads. No way would a boss describe a man as a boy.

This is subtle sexism. I’m rewatching the handmaids tale. The handmaids are “girls” and treated as children. There is no coincidence as to why they aren’t women.

Not getting het up about a litany of little things add up to really big things when added together and sends the message women are in some way subject to male adulthood and superiority.

'Girls night out' is an ingroup term. Implication of silliness and 'girlie chat'.

'Bright girl' is a term a school teacher could use about an under 18 female in the context of their learning ability. How some of you can't see how condescending it is to say about an adult, let alone an experienced woman over 40 is frankly, depressing.

Take the compliment and run with it!

It’s true the reverse wouldn’t be said in a professional setting by a boss. But, that’s their loss, right? I don’t mind at all and I often refer to my mother and her sister, my aunt, as the girls. My mother is in her mid 80s and she has always told she still feels 16 inside. I feel 28 inside although I’m a bit older than that. I call my son boy all the time, it is an endearment. I think ultimately it is a form of affection but yes people can use any word sarcastically or as a put down and I’m sure it happens.

I think it is patronising but he meant it as a compliment. Poorly phrased tho.

I’m from the south of the US and we all call each other, male and female, sweetheart, baby, etc as well as ma’am and sir, even people we don’t know! There are no strangers in the south haha. It is not meant as condescension and not taken as such. But, in a professional setting, then I can see where “bright girl” could be taken as condescending for both words.

I would understand it was meant as a compliment. I would have felt annoyed. I would have accepted the complimented in comedy mode to highlight the inappropriate use of"girl". I have to do this a lot as I work with two dinosaurs.

My female manager (40s) asked a male colleague if his 'little girlies' could do something for her today.

@Trinity66

I went to an event where a university researcher was presenting the results of his study into 'computational propaganda'

For some reason, he decided that questions should be alternated, so by turns one would come from a female member of the audience then the next from a male.

(there was nothing about gender in the study. it was all about Russian Netbots)

To compound the silliness, I thought, he described his policy with the words:

"We're going to take questions in Boy-girl-boy-girl order"

What a pillock. (nobody else seemed to think this was silly. having said that)

Best thing to do is correct him immediately. Smile and say, “I am a woman, not a girl.”

Isn't it great that someone sees you as a "girl". I think you over reacting! Just take the compliment. I guess you maybe looking younger than your age!! So take it cool!

I haven't read the thread, but I can guarantee that the following things have been said

1. Haven't you got anything else to think about?
2. I love being called a girl-it makes me feel young
3. it's regional
4. Men are called "boys" just as often and in the same circumstances as women are called girls 5)Well, you wouldn't want him to say " clever woman!" Would you?
5. Lighten up!

And- not sure about this one-it happens quite often but not always " It's things like this that put women off feminism.

Yes, I hate being lumped in with prepubescents, but it's not about you, it's about him, so don't be offended

If the same boss would have described a man as 'a bright boy' then fair enough, just how he speaks, however I very much doubt that would be the case and you're right to feel offended.

YANBU!

I hate the fact it's always women that accept this bullshit.

@Abijam - why is it great that someone sees her as a child rather than an adult? Particularly in a professional setting, a child would most certainly not be seen as having the necessary experience and expertise to be taken seriously.

It's only ok if he calls his intelligent male staff "bright boys".

I'd say most folk who find it offensive also think it's a gender thing. Just wanted to say that in Scotland it wouldn't be unheard of for males to be referred to as boys. And also for people to still refer to those older than them as girls, boys sometimes too.

I think maybe you are slightly over-reacting. If you were a 38 yr old bloke and were called 'a bright lad' would that be bad?

It would never happen though
It does, believe me.

I usually put references to 'girl' and 'boy' when referring to adults as local colloquialisms. Nobody would bat an eyelid where I live!

And the male equivalent of girls is boys, not lads. No way would a boss describe a man as a boy.

But equally no one apart from in certain areas would address a woman as a 'lass'. So that kind of equals it out and makes 'lad' the equivalent I think.

It is not impossible that he might refer to a group of intelligent men as "bright boys". It is vanishingly unlikely that he would compliment an individual middle aged male professional by calling him a "bright boy"