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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly offended?

162 replies

BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/12/2017 11:58

I'm not one to take offence easily, as I tend to take things in the spirit in which they are meant, which isn't usually offensively. However, just had a meeting with my new manager (have recently moved depts within same company), and he informed me that the head of the company described me as "a bright girl". I'm 38 ffs!!

Now, I know it's intended as a compliment, the 'big boss' is a lovely Scottish man I get along well with, and I suspect it's a phrase more in his vocab than "intelligent woman", so I'm not going to get all het up about it. But I am a bit affronted, I have to admit. I'm not a ten year old child!

I am struggling a little with my self-worth at the moment, so I could just be over-reacting. Silently, to myself and Mumsnet! Please tell me if IABU...

OP posts:
wednesdayswench · 08/12/2017 13:35

If it was meant in a good way, which it was, you really shouldn't let it bother you. Life's too short.

FluffyFerrets · 08/12/2017 13:44

I get called a 'good girl' at work on a regular basis and I'm fucking 39!
So I get why it makes you a bit Hmm
I've once replied ' Girl? It's been a while since I was a girl, I'm a grown woman!'
It obviously didn't get through to the person because he still does it. I just cringe inside and continue with what I'm doing.
I don't mind being called love or pet by customers but good girl just no!

ThymeLord · 08/12/2017 13:50

I've once replied ' Girl? It's been a while since I was a girl

I say the same thing every time anyone does it to me. I'm not a girl, much the same as i'm not a man or a bloody turkey, so it's certainly not wrong to point it out. Each and every time. Through gritted teeth Grin

PurpleMinionMummy · 08/12/2017 13:52

I don't get the drama over women being called girls so it wouldn't bother me.

FluffyFerrets · 08/12/2017 14:01

Purple - I call female family members good girl, up to the age of about 10. It's something I relate to children and I am not a female child.
Yes I am a girl, in the same way that I am a female and a woman but it just sounds so wrong when a grown man calls a grown woman a 'good girl' there's really no reason to do so.

SparklingSnowfall · 08/12/2017 14:03

Not a great choice of words, but it was clearly intended as a compliment and you should take it as one!

Jaxhog · 08/12/2017 14:05

It IS patronising, unless they call the men 'boys' as well. (and even then). But I prefer it to 'ladies' , which implies someone who has nothing better to do than 'do' lunch and her nails.

I would roll my eyes, sigh, and carry on.

PoohBearsHole · 08/12/2017 14:09

If it helps, dm (scottish) will refer to those the same age as her and younger as a "girl". She is 70+ and I look at her quite often with worry ;)

However it is probably more of a "mindset" I often feel i am not old or responsible enough to be married, have a mortgage or DC!!!! I still think I'm 18 but my body is telling me differently.

I would take the compliment and put it down to colloquialism. I would be more insulted if I was told I was a "silly girl" at my age than a "bright" one. Silly implies all sorts - non of which are complimentary.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/12/2017 14:12

It depends, partly, on whether or not the big boss - or the person who passed on the comment - is nice-but-sexist in that avuncular manner that's annoying but you can't complain without being told to take the stick out of your arse, or if it's genuinely just a turn of phrase with no condescension meant. I know some people hate being called Love or Dear by shop assistants, but that's quite region-specific and offence is never meant.

Notevilstepmother · 08/12/2017 14:13

I know what you mean, but I do think it has a very different context coming from someone Scottish. In some parts of England it would be used as a bit of a put down, implying inexperience and being a girl not a woman, and often girls is used in the company I work for to refer to anyone working in admin Angry but a lot of Scottish people would refer to anyone female under 70 as a girl and females under 30 as a young girl!

I’d take the compliment that he thinks you are bright and ignore the rest.

clarabellski · 08/12/2017 14:15

My mum always told me 'you're a girl until you're 80' Grin

clarabellski · 08/12/2017 14:15

p.s. we are Scottish!

lazyleo · 08/12/2017 14:17

Another one adding to the view that referring to a female as 'girl' by Scots is perfectly normal, and I'd take it as a complement .

Original poster
BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/12/2017 14:19

Funnily enough, the other person in the meeting was a man 10 years my junior. He is referred to as a 'very intelligent young man' or a 'very smart bloke'.

Anyway, I'm over it, it was meant as a compliment and I'm in a better mood this afternoon in any case Grin.

OP posts:
JonSnowsWife · 08/12/2017 14:21

YNBU.

My BF has the skin of a Rhino when it comes to not being offended. The one thing that is guaranteed to press her buttons is describing her as a girl.

Original poster
BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/12/2017 14:23

Thank you for confirming it's a natural Scottish phrase btw.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/12/2017 14:24

I think men get referred to as 'lads' more than women as 'girls'. So I really don't see the sexism here. It is ridiculous for both sexes but not something to be offended by.

SassySausageSupper · 08/12/2017 14:25

I bloody hate being called a girl!

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 08/12/2017 14:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MikeUniformMike · 08/12/2017 14:28

A long time ago, a colleague referred to another colleague as "the little girl in xyz's department". I pointed out to the colleague that his 14 yr old daughter would object to being called a little girl, never mind a 29 yr old woman.

Downhillatfifty · 08/12/2017 14:33

I'm in my fifties and live in Scotland, I still get called a girl as do my other female colleagues of various ages. Usually by service users rather than the boss though. no offence is ever meant. I don't feel either flattered or offended it's just a term.
I use it as well as in "going out with the girls" or referring to the other girls in the office meaning all female staff not just admin or HR and definitely not dependant on age. That's if I'm not using an even more regionally specific word
I usually use guys rather than men as well.
Ladies would seem weird to use but I would use women/woman if referring to someone that I didn't know.

clarabellski · 08/12/2017 14:40

downhill If I hear someone referring to me as the 'lady' I think 'who's that????'

Downhillatfifty · 08/12/2017 14:47

clarabellski yes me as well, I'm not "posh" enough and don't live in Edinburgh so I don't qualify as a lady.

FlyingElbows · 08/12/2017 14:53

"a natural Scottish phrase"?! Och aye, see you Jimmy etc. Good grief. It's perhaps generation and class specific but a "natural" Scottish thing? Mibby naw. Astonishingly enough Scottish people are just as susceptible to and guilty of everyday sexism and, you know, just being human like everyone else in British society. I am Scottish but also capable of not infantilising adult women. Only when it's not haggis season though.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/12/2017 15:03

He could've called you "Wee lassie" or "Hen"?

I get called "Girl/Young Girl" by patients and I'm 51yo Shock

But I'd take girl rather than "Guys" .... "Ok you guys/ What do you guys think?"
I think you should look at bit closer and see I'm not sporting a penis , so I'm absolutely NOT a guy !

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