Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was just rude and unreasonable - how can I stop? :-(

158 replies

Auvergne · 08/12/2017 09:04

I certainly wasn't raised to be rude to people.

I was in Tesco, at the self service, and was juggling everything and dropped something. No harm done. The sales assistant ran over making "squawky" noises and it really irritated me, I think because it made people turn and look which always flustered me.

So I (rudely) snapped, "All right, I dropped something, is there really any need to be so dramatic?"

This happened a lot when I was younger. I found myself being confrontational, surly and generally unpleasant in interactions with random people and it is starting to happen again now quite a bit.

Has anyone ever managed to successfully stamp this out of their character?

OP posts:
OddestSock · 08/12/2017 09:07

I occasionally get like this just before my period’s due. I’m completely irrational with PMT.

deepestdarkestperu · 08/12/2017 09:09

Take a deep breath and count to five? No need to snap at a sales assistant who's just doing their job.

MaitlandGirl · 08/12/2017 09:09

I was really sharp with the high school receptionists a few months ago and phoned later that day to apologise. I could hear myself saying it and was cringing but couldn’t stop once I’d started.

Since then I make a point of taking a deep breath before I open my mouth and counting to 3. That usually helps.

Fekko · 08/12/2017 09:09

Take a deep breath and smile as you breathe out.

I'd be hacked off too of the assistant was squaking at me!

DownstairsMixUp · 08/12/2017 09:10

I can also be like this with pmt... though I just have a look on my face that my dh says is pure disgust and worse than saying something! I try to be really aware of when I'm ultra snappy and count to three but I won't lie, it's a difficult thing to snap out of and you do feel bad/guilty afterwards...

Original poster
Auvergne · 08/12/2017 09:12

I know, deepest, but I snap before I've consciously realised that if you see what I mean. Feel awful about it now.

I think it is when I feel embarrassed.

OP posts:
curryforbreakfast · 08/12/2017 09:14

Did you apologise?

Original poster
Auvergne · 08/12/2017 09:16

No. It wasn't until I was outside the irritation subsided.

OP posts:
Caulk · 08/12/2017 09:17

How quickly do you notice afterwards? If you’re still in the shop then just apologise “sorry I was rude then” but if you don’t realise till you get home then little you can do.

You’re aware of it and that’s a start.

Caulk · 08/12/2017 09:17

(Sorry cross posted)

Sweetpotatoaddict · 08/12/2017 09:19

deepest
Was the sales assistant just doing her job though? She clearly made the customer feel very uncomfortable triggering such a response. imo sales staff are to provide customer service, assist customers where needed and make the customer feel valued. Squawking at a customer will never make them feel welcome.

Helbelle75 · 08/12/2017 09:20

Gosh, this sounds like me. I'm usually really kind, but sometimes get so irritated and it just comes out. Particularly with dh. iwonder if it's hormone related. Dd is 7 months and I'm still bf.
Hope you find something that works for you.

MyAuntyBadger · 08/12/2017 09:23

I think you were right to say something- she was being dramatic over nothing. Perhaps she'll think twice before drawing attention to customers who would rather remain unnoticed.

Original poster
Auvergne · 08/12/2017 09:27

She really didn't mean any harm, though. I was prickly because I dropped something in WH Smith the day before and I had lots of elderly women clucking and loudly saying, "Oh, she has dropped it! She has dropped her purse, look!" That annoyed me, too Grin

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 08/12/2017 09:28

You're right it's very unpleasant.

I was shopping yesterday and utterly appalled at how rude people were to staff.

If you were outside you should have gone back in an apologised.

Can you feel the likelihood increasing at all? Is it something you could use a diversionary tactic over? So count to 5 before the red mist descends etc?

roobrr · 08/12/2017 09:28

I don't think you were rude really, making noise and fussing over someone dropping something is OTT - perhaps she will think more next time?

FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2017 09:30

Well maybe she'll think twice before responding like that again?

I'd find that irritating too. It's part of her job to just smile and get on with it. Not give the 'Oh here we go AGAIN' message to a customer.

Yep it's hard to do that sometimes. But that is one of the most important things about any customer facing role, is
t's a basic part of her job. I think you made a fair point, even if you were a bit sharp.

mummyretired · 08/12/2017 09:31

I can be like this, I apologise if I can 'step outside of the moment' enough to get the words out! I've found dehydration - not alcohol related, just not enough cups of tea - can be a trigger for me.

curryforbreakfast · 08/12/2017 09:33

Well maybe she'll think twice before responding like that again?

Stop justifying rudeness to shop workers.

OP knows she was rude, enough to post about it on here. Don't downplay it and tell her it was fine, it was not fine. She knows that, why don't you Hmm

allegretto · 08/12/2017 09:33

How old are you? I am heading towards the menopause and my tolerance level for other people has dropped dramatically!

PositivelyPERF · 08/12/2017 09:39

If I said everything that went through my head, when people piss me off, I'd have no clients left. 😳 TBF, I have a very low annoyance threshold, that's why I work with animals. Since my periods have stopped, I'm sooooo much calmer, or at least I can bit my tongue more. 😁

It's a horrible feeling, op. If you can remember who she is, maybe you can just quickly apologise, next time. Just a quick, "sorry I was so sharp with you, I was under pressure that day", then leave it. Though, I would be irritated by her dramatic reaction too.

Raysmum · 08/12/2017 09:39

The good thing is that you recognise you do this, there are people out there oblivious to how rude they are..so well done for recognising your fault not many would admit to it, it does sound hormonal to me...I went through the menopause and some days my ex likened me to a Rottweiler ( that’s why he’s an ex lol ) but HRT sorted me out and now I’m more like a pussycat lol.
Maybe you could write to the store and explain what happened and ask them to pass on your apology and mention how it made you feel, then the staff can be informed on how to react , I work in a charity shop and people are always dropping things, I’m always saying, oh let me pick that up for you, as I think I’m being helpful, maybe I will assess the situation more now, but it’s my nature to help, oh it’s a mine field out there lol 😂

ConciseandNice · 08/12/2017 09:40

I always know when my period is about to strike because I get like this. Nobody can do/say anything right. I am awful. I now try and keep my mouth shut all the time. If not and I fail, I apologise. A heartfelt apology, especially to a random stranger makes a big difference.

GnomeDePlume · 08/12/2017 09:42

I don't know if this will help but years ago I used to get into club throwing levels of fury when playing golf. To the point where DH said I needed to control it or he wouldn't go round with me.

What cured me was that I played a round with someone who was just really nice to me, really complementary. After that I learned to quell the rage by being incredibly polite. Being polite gave me back the control. The angrier I felt the more polite I became.

Tenroundswithmiketyson · 08/12/2017 09:44

What do you mean by squawky noises? Do you mean she was irritated you dropped something? Just trying to get some context