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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was just rude and unreasonable - how can I stop? :-(

158 replies

Auvergne · 08/12/2017 09:04

I certainly wasn't raised to be rude to people.

I was in Tesco, at the self service, and was juggling everything and dropped something. No harm done. The sales assistant ran over making "squawky" noises and it really irritated me, I think because it made people turn and look which always flustered me.

So I (rudely) snapped, "All right, I dropped something, is there really any need to be so dramatic?"

This happened a lot when I was younger. I found myself being confrontational, surly and generally unpleasant in interactions with random people and it is starting to happen again now quite a bit.

Has anyone ever managed to successfully stamp this out of their character?

OP posts:
Original poster
Auvergne · 09/12/2017 19:06

No, Bug,I’m not justifying it. Hence my whole thread is an acknowledgement that I was snappy, rude and unpleasant.

But while I am happy to concede that indeed I was the above, I am not going to state that the use of a descriptor (‘squawking’) was the cause, nor am I going to state I was ranting and raving at the woman, which I wasn’t.

I don’t in all honesty think I would recognise her again but if I do I will apologise. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Auvergne · 09/12/2017 19:07

Lash Grin

OP posts:
derxa · 09/12/2017 19:17

Please go back and apologise.

Original poster
Auvergne · 09/12/2017 19:22

I would, derxa, but truthfully I would not recognise her.

OP posts:
SukiTheDog · 09/12/2017 19:23

I’ve done this. I went back to the shop two days later, saw the SA restocking the rails and just apologised. We both nearly ended up in tears as apparently she’d had a monstrous weekend as well.

Always say sorry. We live in a fast paced stressful world. We all make mistakes when we’re at the end of our rope!

PossiblyPFB · 09/12/2017 19:26

I get what you are saying. I have tendencies like this too. I think it is rooted in being firmly raised to be polite but “not to draw attention to myself” and “not to inconvenience other people” - the anger comes from embarrassment and shame. I get irrational anger when something like this happens but because I am acutely aware that my response is irrational, and no one will get the backstory as to what causes me to respond like this- I contain and overcome it and manage not to react like an ass. You’re aware. That’s half the battle. Flowers

alittlehelp · 09/12/2017 19:32

I find most things and people irritating when out shopping, but I know this is my problem and I just swallow it. I'm guessing you wouldn't be as rude to your boss etc, in which case you're capable of controlling yourself and chose not to. I worked in retail 20 years ago and still remember the rude arseholes to this day.

Geordie1944 · 09/12/2017 19:41

My father always drummed into me two things about manners [1] that it isn't so much about good manners and bad manners as the same manners for everyone [and I still don't know if he got the idea from Pygmalion] but that, notwithstanding, one should take care always to be particularly polite to anyone who is in some sort your servant - bus drivers, cleaners, shop assistants, waiters, receptionists. If you were as rude as you describe yourself as being then you should make a point of apologising to this woman next time you go into the shop - you can have no idea how gratifying she will find it. I was once horribly rude to a bus driver and, being the near the bus stop as she was coming along, flagged the bus down, got on, and apologised in front of a packed bus for my behaviour. I have never seen anyone smile so happily. When humble pie is on the menu, eat it with grace and relish if you can.

blackteasplease · 09/12/2017 19:43

I sometimes do this too. Don't mean to but once it's out it's out.... Blush

derxa · 09/12/2017 20:09

I would, derxa, but truthfully I would not recognise her. Just go to the customer service station and say what happened and what day it happened and they will pass it on. Job done.
One day I dropped a bottle of wine behind my car in the car park and I went into the supermarket to ask for a dust pan and brush. One of the assistants came out with me and helped me clear up the glass. I went in next day and praised her to the manager and then the girl came round the corner at that point. She was pleased and the manager told me it was rare for praise from the public. I'm not telling this tale to be a smug twat. Just that serving the public is hard.

tigerdriverII · 09/12/2017 20:27

I think you’re overthinking this completely. You weren’t particularly rude (anyone would think you’d set fire to her house the way some people go on!). Why are you ruminating over something so trivial: not healthy. Just forget about it.

CeciliaBartolli · 09/12/2017 20:43

CBT solves everything.
I mean CBD

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/12/2017 21:02

Me too . I am a snappy angry bitch

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/12/2017 21:12

And i try to save read love and do good deeds ! I don’t think the two are mutally incompatible

You can be a nice person and still snap sometimes . Then I feel guilty for hours and days
So I gain nothing by snapping and not has the OP as she posted about it
It’s a gut red angry reaction and I wish I could stop
It

scaryteacher · 09/12/2017 21:12

I drove from Belgium to Devon to collect my Mum for Christmas, and spent some time with her before driving back to Dover today, collecting ds from uni en route. I packed the car, paid for petrol, lunch, the hotel for the night, made her coffee when we got to the room, and all she has done is snap at me for not instantly answering a question. I' very been driving for bloody hours without the radio on as she considers it rude to have the radio on when you have a passenger in the car,and she hasn't thanked me for doing the driving.

I get very snappy at times!!!

The80sweregreat · 09/12/2017 21:27

Scaryteacher. Your a hero! Driving without some music or chat on the radio. I couldn’t do it. Your mum sounds a tad ungrateful.

liverbird10 · 10/12/2017 00:34

@curryforbreakfast Well said.

JuneBalloon · 10/12/2017 06:17

If you can’t find her to apologise to (because you won’t be able to recognise her), speak to the Customer Services desk.... You will feel a lot better, as will she.

You sound hormonal to me (I can be bloody awful around a certain time of the month). Watch for the pattern then be ultra aware - try to avoid busy places etc. And try some evening primrose oil or the likes - there’s quite a lot out there for this kind of thing. But don’t be too hard on yourself.... You’ve already done well to recognise it as a problem and ask for advice.

gwondle · 10/12/2017 08:31

Menopause!

Foxylass · 10/12/2017 10:14

Can you increase your vit b intake? Try having marmite every day (not much is needed....one slice of toast with a thin spread is fine )....
It should help lots.

Turnitaroundagain · 10/12/2017 10:57

Sometimes things just come out, and sometimes things need to be said. You are not a bad person because you are questioning your reaction, you are not arrogantly thinking you were in the right. It’s not always a bad thing to let your feelings be known. Let it go. Just like you don’t know what is going on in the shop assistants life, she doesn’t know what is going on in yours, if she hadn’t spoken to you like you were 3 years old you wouldn’t have snapped at her. End of.

annawoolfworries · 10/12/2017 11:08

The thing about all these people saying, proudly, "oh I'm a snappy bitch and it's fine" is that it doesn't take into account the fact that people are fighting their own battles. The day after my dad died a man was incredibly rude to me because I asked if I could bring my dog into a pub garden. It was disproportionate and I'd asked really politely. It shook me up to the point that I'm upset just writing this. Those of you going round snapping and shouting for no reason other than "you don't sufferer fools", which is a phrase that I think translates as "I feel entitled to be a wanker" need to think sometimes it can be a tipping point having a stranger shout at you when you meant no harm.

Clitoria · 10/12/2017 11:24

I get like this too, in situations that worsen my anxiety. If I’m trying with every fibre of my being to not have a panic attack and am battling my own brain and have sensory overload, I will easily snap at someone. My MH struggle is far more important to me than not doing mindless drivel exchanges with the general public, Ive done CBT which has helped loads and as an aside, I can cope better in situations that make me anxious. Interested in CBD as well..

dustarr73 · 10/12/2017 11:45

Auvergne

I would, derxa, but truthfully I would not recognise her

Would she not be a dead giveawayin her chicken suit.

Original poster
Auvergne · 10/12/2017 11:46

?

OP posts:
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