I was just rude and unreasonable - how can I stop? :-(

[Auvergne]

I certainly wasn't raised to be rude to people.

I was in Tesco, at the self service, and was juggling everything and dropped something. No harm done. The sales assistant ran over making "squawky" noises and it really irritated me, I think because it made people turn and look which always flustered me.

So I (rudely) snapped, "All right, I dropped something, is there really any need to be so dramatic?"

This happened a lot when I was younger. I found myself being confrontational, surly and generally unpleasant in interactions with random people and it is starting to happen again now quite a bit.

Has anyone ever managed to successfully stamp this out of their character?

Sounds like you might be a bit stressed and so doing something silly and having attention drawn to it tips you over the edge where it wouldn't normally. There is an app called Calm that has some stuff that is meant to help with this. No idea if it does - cos I'm too stressed to do it myself - currently in headless chicken mode with a tricky situation that needs some very decisive, and increasingly urgent, action - which of course is why I am procrastinating on here. Let me know if you give it a go and it helps

It sounds mildly irritating but you did overeact as you know.

It sounds more of an anxiety reaction to me because it drew attention to you in a busy shop and you felt self conscious.

That would be something to work on. Reduce some of the external stress in your life and challenge your reaction. How could I have reacted? What was his woman's point of view? Externalise the situation, imagining it's someone else and you are looking in or you are playing a part and begin to role play

When I'm feeling grumpy & think I might be liable to be grumpy, I force myself to smile while I talk to people. It's almost impossible to be rude or snappy while smiling

I managed to drop a tray with tea, coffee and chocolate eclairs it went Everywhere, assistant really nice because I am old ?!

We all make slips - if its worse with the self check just don't use 'em. PS there is a little sound bar sort of icon at the bottom where you can turn the sound off.

Maybe try not to use words like "making squawky noises" about other people who are trying to help-even in your head?

Deepest. I agree with you. I can be snappy at times but at work I’m professional and polite. I’m a T A so not highly paid but in my specialised area I am regularly verbally and physically assaulted, even spat on but I never squawk, I am paid to be patient.

It sounds a bit like you are worried about your reactions. Could it be that you are feeling more stressed than normal? Is life in control and calm? There may be things you can change and maybe not. Sometimes we feel snappy when we are unhappy or depressed

Thanks, bertrand but ‘squawk’ was a perfectly fine adjective to describe what she was doing. Had I used it to her face, I would agree that wouldn’t be polite, however.

But I didn’t.

Auvergne, you have posted a thread entitled ”I was just rude and unreasonable- how can I stop? :-(“. Presumably you are looking for advice.

I took BertrandRussell’s advice to mean that if you try to refrain from using expressions like “making squawky noises” even in your head, then this might translate into action - ie, being less likely to feel irritable and snappy towards people.

The suggestion imo was that the behaviour follows from the thought. So if you try to cut out the thought, then the behaviour, which you say you want to curb, might cease.

I don’t think you should be so quick to dismiss that advice without at least giving it a shot.

Yes, I understand that, but don’t agree with it :)

Yes, I understand that, but don’t agree with it smile

Have you actually tried it?

Butchy, I have no intention of changing a perfectly adequate adjective to describe someone’s over the top reaction anonymously because for some reason Bertrand dislikes it.

You are welcome to continue pushing this rather dull point my way, but it is, I’m afraid, dull.

Butchy, I have no intention of changing a perfectly adequate adjective to describe someone’s over the top reaction anonymously because for some reason Bertrand dislikes it.

You seem determined to miss the point that was being made. It IS a perfectly adequate adjective to describe someone's reaction... by a person who doesn't have anger management problems.

You do. Hence the advice from the PP.

You are welcome to continue pushing this rather dull point my way, but it is, I’m afraid, dull.

No, you're alright. Someone offered you advice. You dismissed it out of hand. By your own admission you're rude and obnoxious to public service workers in real life and you're rude and obnoxious to people who offer you advice on here.

No skin off my nose. Batter on.

Anger management problems now? Blimey.

Auvergne you are right, you are a rude person :) I don’t think you really care about changing based on the way you are replying. I think you’ll likely take the advice of all the other rude people on this thread who say it’s fine to be horrible to supermarket staff and crack on with your life of snappy overreactions because really you think other people are “squawky” and silly and deserve your attitude. There are many people like you in the world, but be assured people you interact with will think you’re a horrible person.

What I hate about the over dramatic fuss fuss fuss is that I think she's trying (subconsciously or otherwise) to humiliate you, and that makes us angry, but makes you loook like the bad guy. Not excusing it but she has behaved poorly too

I tell myself that only low class people react in a rude manner to other people. A better quality person always smiles when something goes wrong and as a result looks better. The same goes for the customer service person. Spread joy and happiness in your life and it will be returned. The last time an elderly person dropped something on the underground in mid-morning rush hour and I picked it up. The look on her face keeps me going.

I would like to be less irritable, but I do disagree that the use of an adjective is a good way of doing that, especially given the adjective was a perfectly good descriptor.

I don’t think any harm was meant, but personally I dislike it when people stop and stare and it seems I’m not alone in this.

You've never worked with the general public then have you? 😉

You disliking people stopping and staring is no excuse for shouting at someone. That’s what you don’t understand.

I didn’t shout, as it happens. I agree there is no excuse for shouting at someone, if that actually happened, and certainly, I was sharper than necessary, but the only raised voice was hers.

Ok you were rude and snappy. Her raised voice doesn’t seem to have been meant in a unkind way, yours was. But you keep justifying your behaviour (it was all her fault!!) which means you really don’t see it’s your fault and so this thread is a waste of time. Stop being rude to people or don’t, lots of good advice here you won’t listen to, so what’s the point?

I’ve felt like this before and sometimes have been snippy to my family. So I’d say we’ve all done it to some degree. Is there a way for you to apologize to her? I think that would itself help you stop next time before you say something unkind. You were irritated, we’ve all been there. I feel for the shop assistant though. You’ll feel better about yourself if you find her and apologize. She was probably left irritated too haha!

“Some woman at the shop today just snapped at me and I was only helping her pick up something she dropped, clumsy arse!!”