To ask for your most hated/annoying things that happens in Soaps?

[MissionItsPossible]

I started listing these in a "things that annoy you" thread and I thought of so many I thought I'd make my own.

Soaps. I can watch them and be entertained by them but the characters stupidity and predictability in the storylines annoy me sometimes! Let me count the ways:

1. Most people, when having a secret conversation, try to keep things discreet like "don't mention what I told you earlier, ok"? Not in soapland. It's "don't tell anyone that I slept with my ex husband in his new wife's bed last month and now I'm pregnant with his child, ok?" Cut to new wife hiding behind door, listening to everything, plotting revenge.

1. Character claims to be poor and jobless and they are depressed. Next thing you know they're in the bloody pub or at the cafe having some tea and cake. Thought you were skint!?

1. "Have it on the house". I must say I'd love to know where all these friendly freebie-giving establishments are in real life because the only time I've been offered something for free is when I've had a bottle of wine accidentally knocked over me by the waiter. Staff in soap land are always giving stuff away free, even when they've only worked there five minutes!

1. So self-absorbed. (Think of Janine in EastEnders for this scenario). How come is it that she can set someone up for a crime and they are ranting and raving in the Queen Vic as the police bustle them out, screaming abuse at Janine and not one person sees that sly, evil look she always gives and think it suspicious? Also, whilst we're on the subject of Janine (and other baddies) why is it that when someone has seemingly pulled off a crime that is completely out of character for them, and they are blaming Janine, nobody stops to think "Hang on a minute, maybe this character is telling the truth and it actually is Janine, the woman who says and does bitchy and nasty things on a daily basis"?

1. Characters just "decide" they are going to move to America or Australia. Erm, no, you cannot just do that, it takes ages to sort out! And when they do move their whole life fits into one suitcase.

1. "I've got something really important to tell you. Meet me at the pub later". Two things: One: Which pub? What time? Two: Er, no, this really important thing is not waiting until we're at the pub later, you will tell me this instant"!

Please add your own and yes this is lighthearted.

SayYouWill, you’re not Connie or Cassie are you?

Labour never starts with a twinge. It's always from 0 - 60 in 2 seconds flat, dramatically screaming whilst doubling up, clutching abdomen and collapsing.

Every time they go for a night out off 'the square' or out of 'the street' it's always to that new restaurant in town. Never an old favourite that's been there for years.

When they ring someone’s doorbell, and if they don’t answer within 3 seconds, they are yelling in the letterbox for them!

Oh and when they're deeply unconscious after an accident and there they are wearing just an oxygen mask, never intubated.

It thier nails that does it for me. Debbie Dingle supposedly a mechanic with perfect nails. Pauline Fowler used to have them as well even thou working in laundrette.

I only watch Holby. Stuff that annoys me on there:

• They involve completely inappropriate people (patients / relatives of patients / people walking past) in their complicated personal lives;
• It is the least professional workplace in the world. In a grump with someone? Go ahead and have a screaming row with them in full earshot of patients / other staff / the Queen. It won’t affect performance;
• They are absolute best mates with someone after only a couple of weeks; and
• They are all shagging each other (although this might actually be true in hospitals for all I know).

The whole soap pregnancy annoys me...
One night stands are bound to end up in pregnancy
Someone will decide to have a baby and neXT week they're pregnant
Either that or they find out they can't get pregnant. ...come on surely they need to ttc for a year before the doctors do any tests but in soap land it's done if they're not pregnant first month.

When they're eventually pregnant. ...it is no doubt going to end in mc, bleeding , a fall, baby born early or be twins.

Labours usually last a couple of minutes and no one mentions pooing in labour or tearing.

Then of course either the mother will have a big hemorrhage or someone will run off with the baby ....

When a main character speaks to an extra, who just smiles and nods.

When characters are given change and never check it's correct.

The lack of steam on a cup of tea given to a character.

One more then I'll stop. . When a couple gets married and the people in the congregation are all the other cast members. Nobody ever has any family/friends from somewhere else attending.

How every character seems to get up at 5am and never seem tired/half asleep/grumpy. Oh and look immaculate first thing too!

Kevin Webster

If a person behind a bar doesn't like a customer they will argue, about or even slap them whilst the landlady looks on indulgently or gives a little shake of the head to admonish them. In real life you would get a stern talking to and put on a warning at the very least!

That nothing ever just goes smoothly.

Been watching Classic Corrie on itv3 and Terry Duckworth borrowed some money from Curly so that he could buy some cheap cutlery and sell it for a profit to a buyer he had lined up.

Here we go.. thinks I. Deal doesn't come off. Curly out of pocket. Drama ensues.

Nope. The deal went through and Terry paid Curly back plus profit. WHAT A PLOT TWIST!

Shout, not about.

Waking up from a coma and immediately talking coherently and remembering everything that happened to them. Would never happen in real life. Having 'secret' conversations just outside the room that your whole family is in, so they would definitely be able to hear you. Going to the cafe or pub to eat despite the fact their house is two minutes away and most definitely has food in it. The fact that everyone seems amazingly fertile and can get pregnant after only one dalliance. Nearly everyone lives and within a walk-able commute. Long lost relatives. Bringing people back from the dead. I could go on, I can't abide soaps

Everyone has snogged/been married to/shagged everyone else (often family members) and there's no awkwardness.

People don't just have jobs - you work in the pub for three weeks, so obviously you then have to buy said pub.

How do people never get cold? Wandering around northern England in the dead of winter in a mini skirt and low cut top - not even a coat to be seen. Yes, I'm looking at you, Hollyoaks. And the heels!

The amazing childcare to all seem to have.

The amount of things that happen to one individual without that person having some sort of breakdown.

That they were new clothes in every single episode. No one ever has a favourite shirt or anything. Even the coats change in some soaps.

That the hospital doctor seems to treat pretty much every speciality from cancer to pregnancy

'Oh and when they're deeply unconscious after an accident and there they are wearing just an oxygen mask, never intubated.'

And totally rational, and just a trickle of blood. My ex h once slipped on ice going into work one morning and his head struck a corner of brickwork on a window. He was taken off by the ambulance and I was summoned from work. They gave me his clothes . . . they looked like he'd taken a bath in an abattoir. His work colleagues said the pavement looked like someone had been assaulted there and the council threw a load of sawdust on it. He'd fractured his skull, was in hospital for a week (a VERY long time in the US) and he was loopy as fuck for months. He couldn't hear well out of one ear for months, kept forgetting shit, balance shot to hell, had to have physio, see a neuro for months. On soaps they're all like, 'Davie, what happened,' with a trickle of blood coming down.

Or they get hit in the face and the next day look fine bar a small bruise. Early last year, I tripped on a trail with my hands in my pocket and landed pretty much face first. The broken nose alone meant the next day my ears were nearly swollen shut. The bruising took ages to go away.

YY hollyoaks - they just trot around the village in full make up, a tight dress and stilettos even when jut poping to the shop !

And when they “have a night in” they look much the same. No slobbing out in old pjs oh no.

Every pregnancy seems to arise from a one night stand or by accident. No one ever tries and conceives either - must have fertility problems or something else like cancer.

When their waters go, you don't see it. It's just 'Oh, my waters went'. They had a use a mop when DS was born.

None of them them work unless it fits the storyline.

Not a soap but anyone remember true blood ? Sookie never went to work after the first season or two. Literally never !!

Always leaving the pregnancy test in a prominent place, or dropping their bag so that it rolls out.

Neighbours - no financial negotiation - Steff - Jack and Amy to look after Flame Tree over Christmas. Do they do it for free etc?

Silly Monopoly money with Paul

Jane leaves Ian, how does she manage for cash

And they can just leave work whenever. Teaching a class? Working in a hospital? Someone shows up and they just walk out with them.

Never having to apply for a school place.

I watch Holby and Casualty and it always annoys me on there when someone has a seizure and comes out of after about thirty seconds, totally fine. I'm an epileptic and that is not how seizures work. Or the fact that they can just switch wards like that. Surely there's some kind of procedure for that? Or that they're always just wandering in and out of each other's wards like they don't have anything better to do. Or the fact that the staff always seem to be screaming at each other in front of patients and always seem to be getting too involved in their patients' personal lives and haven't been disciplined for it yet. And that there's a registrar being called 'Mr ' when actually registrars should still use the title 'Dr'.