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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
AnachronisticCorpse · 07/12/2017 07:08

Blimey she’s got some brass swingers.

Pictish’s text is good.

DollyLlama · 07/12/2017 07:08

Not a chance. Demand it back.

Do you have messages proving you have it for her FIL to enjoy rather than sell?

BalloonSlayer · 07/12/2017 07:10

Fucking hell!

'Not sure why you're getting worked up over some junk you found in your loft? I can't take it down without ruining my eBay feedback. FIL won't mind, you don't normally get him a present anyway?!'

If you are really not sure why I am worked up about you selling something that belongs to me for £340 then why didn't you just return it to me saying thanks but FIL didn't want it. It's MINE to do what I want with. I wanted him to have it - if he doesn't want it, I will go bacvk to plan A and sell it myself. Stop trying to make money out of my goods. There is a name for that . . .

Follow up five mins later saying I have taken informal advice on this and will contact police if item is not returned immediately.

SoulStew · 07/12/2017 07:10

😡 this is making me furious on your behalf op! Get it back for our sakes too.

aurynne · 07/12/2017 07:11

I need an update from the OP or I will develop a stomach ulcer

GreatStar · 07/12/2017 07:12

"I did not give the item to you. I certainly did not give it to you to sell and I am astonished at your audacity. That you would argue about giving it back to me is plain rude. The item is not to be sold and I am coming to pick it up. Is that clear?"

Perfect response

DollyLlama · 07/12/2017 07:13

Shock I posted without seeing her response! What a cheek!!! If she doesn’t think it’s that big a deal then why doesn’t she just hand it back?

I would do as a PP mentioned. Buy it then say it never arrived using a different account on eBay.

Classic CF!

AnonymousTomato · 07/12/2017 07:15

Report it to eBay as stolen property. There should be a link on the listing to report it

NisekoWhistler · 07/12/2017 07:16

Crikey I want to bid on this item to £10,000 and then not pay. When she chases for payment I'd ask about how this came into her possession, and if I collect face to face etc!
What a CF

DoubleRamsey · 07/12/2017 07:17

I would write back.

The item is a family heirloom worth £350, not 'junk from my attic' I thought FIL would like it as he has a special interest in [profession] and we have chatted about it before. Your ebay feedback will be more ruined by me reporting the item as stolen to ebay, which I am planning on doing if it has not been taken down in 2 hours. I will collect it this evening

makingmiracles · 07/12/2017 07:20

Wow! The height of CFery! She’s got some brass!

WillowWeeping · 07/12/2017 07:21

Call her. Tell her she can ruin her eBay rating or a friendship. Her choice.

ferrier · 07/12/2017 07:21

Yup - report to eBay.
And tell CF that's what you've done. (or maybe give her 10 minutes advance warning to take the item down first).

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2017 07:21

It won't ruin her eBay feedback because unless the item has actually been sold, no one will be able to leave any feedback on it.

ItWentInMyEye · 07/12/2017 07:22

Shock shocking!

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo · 07/12/2017 07:22

I would just send her the link to this thread

cordeliavorkosigan · 07/12/2017 07:25

CF behaviour at its height! Get it back op, we are all behind you..

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/12/2017 07:25

I'm fuming for you!!!!!!

RockinHippy · 07/12/2017 07:25

Huge CFShock

Remind her that you did not give the object to CF, but to her DFIL, therefore it is not hers to sell.

"Hi CF, wow, I've got to say you have really shocked me by trying to sell Xxx when it is not yours to sell. I intended to sell it myself & only gifted it to your DFIL as it's something if grrat interest to him & I knew he would appreciate it. I'm amazed that given the circumstances you think this is okay. It really is not. I insist that you pass on the item to where it was intended. IE NOT YOU, but to your DFIL. I really don't want to fall out with you, but failing that, please return my item or the money you sold it for as it is not yours to sell."

kally195 · 07/12/2017 07:25

I'm another vote for reporting her to eBay and Facebook. Hell, if that doesn't work I'd then talk to my local police station and see what my options were.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 07/12/2017 07:28

I think doubleramsey s response is good-if you go via police by the time EBay authorise the sellers details being released it'll be long gone I'm sure!
She has clearly never even told FIL about it!

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 07:29

I don't think you're being firm enough OP. 'I would like it back' is giving the CFB an option.

'I'm going to make this clear CFB - That 'hammer' is my possession, intended as a gift for you FIL. If he doesn't want it, I'll have it back. YOU NO RIGHT to do anything with it. I want it back immediately, if not I will get in contact with my solicitor and see you in the small claims court!

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 07:30

Oh and make sure you snapscreen all the pages she's selling! Nice evidence there. And keep all your messages

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 07/12/2017 07:32
Shock

Btw, have you both been up all night messaging or are you in a different country?

youngestisapsycho · 07/12/2017 07:33

I’d be round her house by now demanding it back!