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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 07/12/2017 06:02

Tell her it’s not about FIL - you do. Tell her you were going to sell it yourself but decided to give it to FIL as it will give him pleasure. Definitely don’t leave it. Go round and tell her you want it back and do it quick before the listing ends.

BaffledMummy · 07/12/2017 06:04

I’d end the friendship over this. She’s shown you how much she values your friendship by her ridiculous behaviour. She is mean spirited. Life is too short. Demand your item back then cut ties.

SassySausageSupper · 07/12/2017 06:08

This is so awful. What a horrid “friend”

Elllicam · 07/12/2017 06:11

This is awful Angry I would be threatening the police and making the point that it is not just junk from the attic it is £340 worth!

TidyDancer · 07/12/2017 06:11

This is utterly ridiculous. The woman is insane.

StealthPolarBear · 07/12/2017 06:13

Any chance the fil didn't want it and gave it to her?

flutterby12 · 07/12/2017 06:16

She's not your friend. What a CF!!!!

Ninabean17 · 07/12/2017 06:16

I'm so shocked by this. What a CF! Report it to eBay asap, get round to her house and demand it back, too. It's not hers to sell, she knows that.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 07/12/2017 06:23

I'd be having a word with Judge Rinder 👍🏻

pictish · 07/12/2017 06:25

I'm normally of the firm school of thought that once you give something away you lose any say over what happens to it...but with this particular set of circumstances I am with you all the way. She is a cheeky bitch and you need to get the item back. I will not rest until I know you have.

Yanbu - please don't let her get away with this. Stand your ground. Be bald in your next response.

"I did not give the item to you. I certainly did not give it to you to sell and I am astonished at your audacity. That you would argue about giving it back to me is plain rude. The item is not to be sold and I am coming to pick it up. Is that clear?"

pictish · 07/12/2017 06:26

I also agree that you need to be on her doorstep first thing this morning or you can kiss it goodbye.

JimLahey · 07/12/2017 06:27

This was making my blood boil!

Definitely don't let her get away with this. If possible report the item on eBay and comment on her FB post too.

She's coming across as a horrible person.

HashiAsLarry · 07/12/2017 06:28

Definitely report her ebay and FB posts. She's selling something that isn't hers, plus she's acknowledged this in writing.

mcdog · 07/12/2017 06:32

The bare faced cheek of some people ShockShockI have dealt with some tight people in my time, but this is absolutely unbelievable! You are totally right to be demanding your item back, and I would call time on this friendship.

bluebells1 · 07/12/2017 06:32

What a cheeky fucker! Tell her in no uncertain terms that she is basically peddling stolen goods. I am assuming you have pictures of the said object in your posession? Also link this thread. Let her see that she is a greedy woman!

pictish · 07/12/2017 06:37

Can you report ebay and FB posts under these circumstances and if so...to whom? Is it their concern that someone is selling something that isn't theirs to sell...particularly if it was kind-of-but-not-quite given to them? The technical ownership waters are muddy on this one even if the moral aspect is clear.

If you can I would definitely stop the sale. Over my dead body would the advantage-taking cow be profiting from my kind gesture.

sumofparts · 07/12/2017 06:41

This is shocking. Well done OP for taking a stand.

Mrsfucktrumpet · 07/12/2017 06:46

I say you link the ebay auction for us all to see Grin

Anyway , you can report the item as stoken to ebay and they will take it down and cancel all bids.

What a cf friend ( or ex friend after this imo )

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 07/12/2017 06:47

I'm fuming for you OP!! The friendship is over either way now I suppose so I'd not be worried about being heavy handed in my approach to getting it back!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 07/12/2017 06:54

What a cheeky bitch. Don't let this drop, OP! Make sure she cancels that auction and gives you your item back.

DownTownAbbey · 07/12/2017 06:55

And it's your problem she's messed up her ebay feedback how?

What an absolute cow!

CaveMum · 07/12/2017 06:59

Wow! Can you report to EBay and say the item is yours and is being sold without permission?

Fishface77 · 07/12/2017 07:01

Why are you so determined her fil gets in?
Get it back and sell it yourself.
It's like you want praise for your altruism.

eddielizzard · 07/12/2017 07:02
Shock

she has no intention of taking it down. i'd be beyond furious.

shushpenfold · 07/12/2017 07:04

YABU. Your friend clearly wants to just give her FIL a nice present and she’s just swapping the one you gave for another.

....and monkeys fly out of my butt! She’s up there on the medal table of CFs.

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