CF friend or AIBU?

[SilverBirchTree]

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

The ebay feedback thing is absolute bollocks. She can easily end the auction early and select "cancel bids" instead of "sell to highest bidder". That way there's no option for the highest bidder to leave feedback as the item was not made theirs. What a grabby cow.

The crux of this is really about the way she reacted when she was called out. I mean ok, it is cheeky and self-serving as fuck to make a sneaky fast buck out of someone else's generosity knowing full well that it wasn't intended for you...but to refuse to back down after being caught out is just the absolute pits! You'd expect her to apologise profusely and hand the item back while feigning a misunderstanding, apologising and being a bit shame-faced...not brazenly effectively say "I'm profiting from this whether you like it or not"
She has no shame. Or regard for the OP. It's dreadful.

My guess is it's an antique fireman's helmet?!?!?!

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order. I'd be bidding on eBay and setting up one of the bidbots to make sure I got in at the last minute in case t turned into a bidding war. Arrange collection then turn up or get someone else to turn up and take it back. Even if you report it, there's no guarantee she'll give it back to you.

You should bid a ridiculously large amount on ebay that no one will beat so she thinks shes rich 😊

Oh for fucks sake go round and get the item!!!!!

PM someone on here so they can bid and scupper her.

How long until the auction end OP?

please come back and update OP i'm not nosey at all, oh no not me

WOW that's terrible. You're 100% right to be pissed off. If they intended to sell it, they should have offered it back. Can't believe how often this one comes up here. So many people are just grabby bastards.

Request it back.

Your friend is a twat.

Policeman's helmet? If someone guesses it correctly, can they have the item when you finally get it back? Good luck!

Can you report to eBay?

What a horror!
Noone nice would do that.
Weird standard of behaviour or what!

Just RTFT So she’s not only a massive CF, she’s told you plain lies. Who needs friends like that??

Poor FIL is of course completely unaware of your gift. And I don’t fully believe DH of CF’s story either. I’d put money on it she googled the value as soon as you gave it to her as she would have wanted to check if it was worth anything to her before handing over to FIL.

I’d make damn sure I got the object back and not bother with her again. If you don’t want to keep it then sell it yourself on fb and make sure she knows about it!

CF of the highest order!

Just because someone else has no dignity doesn't mean you throw yours out the window. You don't need to compete with their shitty behaviour

My job involves a lot of negotiating with difficult people and you get far better results if you are calm and firm and make it clear you aren't backing down.

She's so , so wrong. How can she not see that?

What is the object? I am beyond curious!

Just for information Ebay does allow you to cancel an auction even if you have bids by stating the item is no longer available- they may get charged a final value fee if Ebay feel they sold to someone through eBay but are trying to avoid fees.

This would then make the comment about negative feedback void

Is it something like this?

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vintage-Black-Leather-Scottish-Firemans-Helmet-Firefighter-Fire-Hat/232580821847?hash=item3626e5b357:g:JxQAAOSwzppaBwjc

She sounds creepy and what she’s done gives me the shudders. I’d get rid of her. She is probably towards the concerning end of the psychopathy slider. Retrieve your object. Explain why verbally and in bullet points in a text or email (so she cannot twist your words). And then let your “friendship” find its own, new level. I’m sure the FIL would love to have had it, I feel very sorry for him. They’ve probably sold off loads of his precious bits already. Seriously he could be vulnerable to real financial abuse. Can you not find out where he lives and visit him? Can you imagine them circling when he’s on his last legs??

Dying to know how this ends!!!

Omg, i’m Speechless

Absolutely. Bloody. Outrageous!!! I would hit the frogging roof!!!

I would be livid if I had intended to gift a potentially-treasured item to someone and it had been 'stolen' in this greedy self-serving fashion. You are not being at all unreasonable - demand it back and tell the money-grabbing-so-called-friend to fuck off. If the FIL had only wanted to photograph and/or research the item he could've returned it to you if he didn't want to keep it, then giving you the option to sell it if you wanted. Whatever, you did not give or gift this item to the 'friend' so have every right to demand it back and your anger is perfectly justified in this instance. Theft is still a crime however it comes about.