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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 08/12/2017 15:12

👏👏👏

shushpenfold · 08/12/2017 15:16

Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
Report to eBay.
FFS woman, report it to bloody eBay!!!!!

Roussette · 08/12/2017 15:16

I think the OP is handling it in her own way and she has been fairly firm in her texts.

However....

I would be texting every hour saying..
I've checked and the item is still up on Ebay, please remove
I've just checked again, take it down immediately like I have requested
The item is still up and I am contacting Ebay forthwith
I've contacted Ebay

Because I am like a dog with a bone if there is injustice and this IS injustice

MurmmersShow · 08/12/2017 15:19

Cf or not. No one should let something like this go just based on principle.

MadMags · 08/12/2017 15:22

Retaining your dignity is more important than pulling someone up on her thieving dishonesty?

Yeah, alright then. Dignified people sure do take a lot of shit.

RandomDreams · 08/12/2017 15:31

I've just read all 9 pages and you still don't have the item back?!

Stop being so passive and ask DH to collect it immediately before the auction ends and the CF sends it off.

DingDongDenny · 08/12/2017 15:32

She is dealing with it. I wasn't saying she should give up. I was just pointing out that people are starting to turn on the OP and being really nasty and childish. This is the bit about mumsnet that I hate. The first 20 pages or so, lovely and supportive. Now it's all insults and nagging at the OP.

I would have dealt with it in exactly the same way - you can keep your calm while still being clear in your intentions and not giving up. But not hysterical and shouty like some people on here

pictish · 08/12/2017 15:37

I think that people here should stop telling OP how to conduct this situation. None of you are in this friendship or share mutual friends or live in her community. Very unfair to call her a doormat or tell her to woman up or any of the other shit some of you are flinging her way. She has dealt with it firmly but calmly imo. She has done great. Leave her alone!

ptumbi · 08/12/2017 15:37

Because I am like a dog with a bone if there is injustice and this IS injustice - me too! This is injustice!!!!

There is a time to 'be the bigger person but this is NOT IT! Retain your dignity, but get your property back - by any means.

Morphene · 08/12/2017 15:43

noooooooo....no resolution....come on OP you can do it!

pictish · 08/12/2017 15:46

Also if we all want to see how this ends (and I know I do!) then wind your necks in giving her a hard time for not doing as she's told by a bunch of people that are nothing more than passive observers and not in any way involved in this relationship. You'll scare her off with your sneering and bossiness and you won't get to hear owt more about it. Lay off.

Strokethefurrywall · 08/12/2017 15:50

Just to be clear, my post wasn't directed at the OP (although she is being a bit too passive, but then she has got a new baby to concentrate on).

It was directed at all those who believe that, in CF situations like this, retaining some imaginary moral high ground is by far and the away the best course of action, to avoid the upset.

Like fuck it is. Not doing anything is NOT being morally superior. That's just something people tell themselves to make themselves feel better for not standing up against someone who has wronged them. Like I said, it's why cheeky fuckers get away with it.

Pearlsaringer · 08/12/2017 15:53

OP I am struggling a bit to see the reluctance to act here. Put a massive bid on now so there is no way anyone else could win it. If she returns the item and ends the auction your bid will lapse anyway. However, if she doesn’t, at least the item won’t be bought by anyone else - because if she does you will never see it, or the money, again.

Also, as the winner of the auction you will then be in a position to leave her feedback....

FilthyforFirth · 08/12/2017 15:54

Argh, I'm so irrationally annoyed on your behalf! Please report to ebay!

Pearlsaringer · 08/12/2017 15:54

Does let the auction run

RockinHippy · 08/12/2017 16:00

^OP I am struggling a bit to see the reluctance to act here. Put a massive bid on now so there is no way anyone else could win it. If she returns the item and ends the auction your bid will lapse anyway. However, if she doesn’t, at least the item won’t be bought by anyone else - because if she does you will never see it, or the money, again.

Also, as the winner of the auction you will then be in a position to leave her feedback....^

Excellent idea👍🏼

Shakey15000 · 08/12/2017 16:11

CF of the highest order Shock

If she doesn't take the ad down, get someone you know to offer to buy and collect then go round with the heavies sans money only slightly joking

3luckystars · 08/12/2017 16:14

If she doesn’t give it back then look at it as a payment for getting rid of her for good.

If it was me I would wash my hands completely if this woman and delete her entirely , whether you get it back or not.

diddl · 08/12/2017 16:20

"DH of CF says he told her to check with me,"

"DH of CF said to leave it with him, he'll talk to her and get back to us."

The thing was for his dad?

So why doesn't he just take possession of it & give it back or give it to his dad himself?

beardymcbeardy · 08/12/2017 16:28

my god what a thread Grin Your 'friend' is a CF of the highest order. Please feel free to pm the ebay link so that we may all place unrealistic bids on it so that your 'friend' can her hopes of getting rich at your cost well and truely dashed. also I promise im not a dm journalist before i am accused Grin.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/12/2017 16:28

Shock I've just seen this thread. The absolute cheek!

I think it's a gas mask or a fireman's helmet. :)

Notagainmun · 08/12/2017 16:32

DH was given a second hand, good condition washing machine by a relative for plumbing in a new waste/dryer. They told him as thanks for the work ( he wasn't going to charge a relative) he could sell it. He mentioned it to a friend who said that they could do with a new one. DH said he was going to ask £75 but AX he wad a mate just give him £50. Two days later it wad on a local Facebook selling site for £100!

DH went round there to have it out with him. He said it didn't fit the space in the kitchen (generic size). DH gave him back the £50 and took the machine back. CF!!!

Report to EBay!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 08/12/2017 16:34

Op said the item is ending soon, so she had better resolve this quickly, before the auction ends, and CF puts it in the past, and your grandfather's piece is never seen again.

Whoever said about op maintaining dignity, wtaf!!! This woman stole something meant for her she father. And is flogging it on the bay to get cash. She has shown she has no morals, or dignity or compassion. Op needs to do what she must to get it back in her possession.

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 16:39

What a cheeky fucking bitch! You can't let her away with this. You & your DH need to go round to their house when CF DH is also in (incase she lies about losing it or giving it to fil) and demand this item back.
She is not a friend (or a good person) you won't speak again after this so who cares about any awkwardness. People like her get away with shit like this because no one stands up to her.

ConciseandNice · 08/12/2017 16:43

I want the ebay link...