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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 11:55

@Wafflenose I'm not sure actually. I'd have liked FIL to have it, but it's all so awkward now. Also I now don't trust her to just let him have it and enjoy it. She might try to bully him into giving it to her, just like she's been bullying me.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 08/12/2017 11:55

Oh, and I agree with this:

given this confirmation that she knows she’s stealing it would make me even more determined to report to eBay. You don’t want to risk the auction ending in the time it takes her DH to get the item back, and frankly eBay should be aware that she’s happy to sell stolen goods.

You're being a bit passive, OP, sorry to say.

Hortonlovesahoo · 08/12/2017 11:57

Can we all give a unanimous “CONTACT EBAY!!!!!!!!!!” To OP. If that sale ends, you’ll be a much tougher position to get it back.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/12/2017 11:57

...antique ram castrator...

I didn't realise antique rams needed castrating!

Haidees · 08/12/2017 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkingnotlurking · 08/12/2017 11:59

Can you actually be bothered being her friend any more? Leave the guys to it, but I wouldn't want to make any more effort with her

Aeroflotgirl · 08/12/2017 11:59

I would report it to e bay as stolen. Phone up e bay now and tell them, that is unacceptable, she knows what she is doing, and that what she is doing is wrong.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 12:00

@AhNowTed

First of all - excellent screen name.

Yes they were!! & I was annoyed at that at the time, but it now seems bloody quaint compared to the Cheeky Feckery that came next.

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 08/12/2017 12:01

So still not resolved. Dh of cf seems reasonable but you still don’t have the item back. You need to send an unfluffy message saying that you want the item back now and if it’s not bracket with you by lunchtime tomorrow you will be reporting her to eBay and the police for theft.

She obviously thought you were a walkover and still thinks you are, that you’re too polite to make a fuss. Fuck that. Make a damn fuss. You’ve been too nice

BlackEyedKid · 08/12/2017 12:01

Seriously. Now you know the full story - that’s she’s KNOWINGLY and MALICIOUSLY trying to make money out of your generosity - the gloves need to come off.

She’s a cunt. No mercy.

RockinHippy · 08/12/2017 12:02

Not surprised that even her DH thinks she's a CF, she's got to be one of the worst I've ever heard of & I've met some CFS in my time. 😦

Please don't let her get away with it. The item is not hers to sell, she clearly knows that, but continues to sell it anyway as she is such a CF that she thinks she will get away with as you are too soft.

I would send her one last text/message insisting that she removes your item from EBay. It does not affect her EBay rating. Otherwise you will report it to EBay as stolen, which it is. This will affect her standing with EBay, so you are giving her one last chance to put it right. Don't let this dreadful woman walk all over you 👍🏼

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 12:03

Regarding eBay- I googled 'reporting stolen item on eBay' and it said to report it to local law enforcement, not to eBay directly. Apparently the police then deal with eBay.

Annoying as she is, i don't want to involve police, it's not like she burgled my house.

OP posts:
uglyflowers · 08/12/2017 12:05

No way should you have anything more to do with this woman. She is awful.

GreenTulips · 08/12/2017 12:05

But if youblent her your car and she tried selling it you would!!' No difference really.

ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2017 12:06

Well her dh obviously knows what she’s like, but the fact that he was prepared to give his father your present as something from them makes me question his morals. So I wonder if he’s actually the right person to get it back.

Perhaps your dh should just turn up on the doorstep?

RhiannonOHara · 08/12/2017 12:06

Annoying as she is, i don't want to involve police, it's not like she burgled my house.

In the very nicest way, OP, please grow a pair! She might as well have burgled you. You've told her clearly, more than once, that the item was for her FIL and not hers to keep, let alone sell. She doesn't give a fuck. Her DH is as bad as her and is enabling her if he's done anything other than go home, stand over here while she takes down the listing and demand the thing back so he can give it back to you.

Toughen up!

CrypticClues · 08/12/2017 12:07

Hmm, they were going to give it as a present from themselves, which is fucking astounding, and you've been told this by the man who does fake proposals for champagne.
I would still text her again to remove eBay listing - say you will report as stolen - and get your husband to collect it asap.

MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 12:07

I think I’d also have to say to he dh of cf ‘I’m confused, dh said you were wrapping it for fil. Why would you be doing that? You weren’t trying to pass it off as a gift from you were you??’

WeeM · 08/12/2017 12:08

This has kept me thoroughly entertained while waiting for car in garage! I am so glad that DH of CF seems sensible but I would be very worried that the ad is still up. The unbelievable gall of some people is astounding.

londonrach · 08/12/2017 12:08

Contact ebay and report it op. Police arent going to deal with it! You running out of time here.

lurkingnotlurking · 08/12/2017 12:08

Those are fake proposals for champagne?! I read it as a one-off actual proposal that was purposefully done in that setting.

CrypticClues · 08/12/2017 12:09

You sound lovely, but perhaps a bit too patient and trusting. Nice qualities, but they are taking you for a ride and stringing this out, turning it increasingly nasty.

alibongo5 · 08/12/2017 12:09

It might say that you should go through the police but I still think it's worth giving ebay a quick call - whenever I've had to deal with them their representatives have been very helpful and I think they would pull it if you explained what had happened. What have you got to lose by contacting them?

timeisnotaline · 08/12/2017 12:09

You absolutely can report to eBay! They won't treat it as a crime but should act on the listing. On the listing, click report. Category: listing practices, then reason: fraudulent listing would be my choice. I've attached a screen shot of what I see on the app.

CF friend or AIBU?