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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 07/12/2017 14:01

I’ve read some prize CF stuff on here but this one takes poll position. I’d be fuming.

AhhhhThatsBass · 07/12/2017 14:01

Did you get it back? I'm agog at the CF'y

RestingBitchFaced · 07/12/2017 14:09

Definitely send DH - gat it back asap

RestingBitchFaced · 07/12/2017 14:09

*get

RhythmStix · 07/12/2017 14:11

Wow what a horrible 'friend' - hope you get it back, OP.

debbs77 · 07/12/2017 14:22

Omg! So now she is playing the card that FIL would want and will now be disappointed to not get it! That's crazy!

Definitely get it back and hand deliver it to him yourself

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 14:28

You're still being far too polite and nice with this CF!

CoraPirbright · 07/12/2017 14:30

This CF would be an arch-manipulator if she wasn’t quite so dense. Every point she has made, she has contradicted herself! FIL will be disappointed (you said he enjoyed lookng at it and taking photos but didn’t want it), cant believe you are gettting so annoyed over attic junk (you are selling it for £340!!! So hardly junk!!), cant stop the auction now (well you are also trying to sell it on Fb so clearly one of the lines of sale would have to had been deleted!).

I think her behaviour has been fucking abysmal and I would want nothing to do with her. Would also let it be known to your mutual friends what has happened as I really wouldnt put it past the cow to bad-mouth you around the place.

ArialAnna · 07/12/2017 14:32

Would you still want her FIL to have it? If so tell her you are happy for him to have it but as you no longer trust her you need his address so you can deliver it yourself. Make sure he knows you don't want it sold!

runsmidgeOMG · 07/12/2017 14:40

Following OP to make sure you get it back.

Some people are just awful. I'm doubting whether her FIL has actually laid eyes on it... she probably saw the pound signs flash before her eyes :(

chocorabbit · 07/12/2017 14:45

She should return the object to you. You must surely know that after she cancels the auction she will never actually offer it to her FIL as she didn't do it in the first place anyway and she will use another account (open a new one maybe) to sell it anyway or sell it in a car boot sale etc. Or when you find out in the end that she sold it she could say that she gave it to FIL, he kept it for a few days and then decided to give it back to her so now it was clearly hers to do whatever she wanted with it blah blah so insist it returns to you.

Stop giving excuses as to how you feel! She is already exploiting this. Just keep repeating that it's not what you intended (no explanations as she feeds through them to produce more excuses) and now YOU want it back, no going back to FIL, just to you.

FilledSoda · 07/12/2017 15:12

Get it back in your possession, gift it to her df and then never speak to her again.

ArcheryAnnie · 07/12/2017 15:18

Am late to the CF party, but wanted to say that the "it was not a gift to you" message to the CF was spot-on, OP, well done.

Youllneverlivelikecommonpeople · 07/12/2017 15:19

Astounding CFery! OP, how do you plan to approach this friendship after this terrible display of grabbiness and lack of self-awareness? Do you think the friendship can recover? Has she lost other friends who have become fed up with her ways?

Chrys2017 · 07/12/2017 15:20

You gave it to her with instructions to give to FIL. If he refused the gift it should have been returned to you.

sonjadog · 07/12/2017 15:37

You seem determined that the FiL is going to have it. Maybe he doesn't actually want it? The part of her story may be true that she showed it to him and that was all he wanted. After that she should have given it back, but do stop trying to force it on him. Take it back, ask him if he would like it yourself, and take it from there.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2017 15:52

Ffs she’s not trying to force it on him. Didn’t you read the thread.

Op, you are doing the right thing, get it back as otherwise she will wait and sell it later. Offer it to thr father in law personally.

If this is real, I’m bloody aghast at someone who would do what this woman has done.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2017 15:58

Actually I don’t think you can give it to him now. He’s seen it and he knows she was selling it, so it would be all too awkward for him to take it.

Pseudousername · 07/12/2017 16:00

I need an update on this after the attempt at a face to face exchange happens. If OP doesn't come back I might have a little cry.

LouHotel · 07/12/2017 16:04

When you get it back can you post a picture. needs to know what the item is

HashiAsLarry · 07/12/2017 16:15

Anyone else trying desperately not to Google the prices of antique ram castrators? 😂

430West · 07/12/2017 16:15

I don't think the 'friend' did show it to her DFather - I think the CF already had it earmarked for sale and had no intention of giving it to him.

Can you ask to see one of the photos of him with the item? I bet she has a reason you they are unavailable...

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 16:21

CFF gave it to FIL TO PHOTOGRAPH FOR THE EBAY IMAGES MORE LIKE AND PROBABLY NEVER TOLD HIM it was for him!

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 16:22

Oops caps fail! Sorry!

serendipia2812 · 07/12/2017 16:24

She's not a friend. She's selfish, opportunistic, CF bitch. This is so rude I am left here speechless. Pls get the object back as this will NEVER get to her FIL. And never speak to her again. Shocked Shock