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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 07/12/2017 12:35

This is really bad behaviour from your 'friend'.although the CPS would never run with it it almost constitutes a theft,' a person dishonestly appropriates property with the intention of denying another of it'.
Share has no right to the item.if you can,speak to her father and explain that it was a gift for him to keep and if she takes it it is not a gift and you'd like it returned.
Stand your ground,she's taking the Mickey .

RockinHippy · 07/12/2017 12:35

Definitely send your DH!

I'm sorry, but I agree you are being way to soft here. This woman is not your friend but a pee taking bitch with no scruples at all, why worry what flack this causes for her, she does not deserve your protection & tbh, you going round yourself is far more likely to end up in a childish squabble as this woman clearly has no respect for you at all.

I've been in a similar situation with a CF friend in the past, no matter what happens now, this friendship is dead in the water as you will never see CF in the same light again & contact if kept up at all will dwindle & you will realise that is actually a huge blessing. You deserve better friends & you will get them more easily without this deadwood in your life. Because of this, you have absolutely nothing to loose by treating CF as she really deserves

tiggersdontlikehoney · 07/12/2017 12:43

Just read the thread - definitely go and get it back.

She is a total CF and likely to sell it quietly later even if she takes it down now.

Also comes across that she has zero respect for you. You owe her nothing. You tried to do something nice, she threw it in your face.

End of friendship? She's no friend.

OtterInDisgrace · 07/12/2017 12:45

As someone already said it will do nothing to her eBay reputation as people cannot leave feedback unless an item has already been bought.

So she’s full of shit there, too.

SootSprite · 07/12/2017 12:49

I’d just sent dh to collect it. The friendship is dead now so who the hell cares what she thinks? She’s a cunt, and you’re not. Try not to fret about her, she doesn’t deserve your time and effort.

Ladybird11 · 07/12/2017 12:54

if / when you get the item back, it's still important that she knows how wrong it was to do what she did.. although it does sound as though she's not going to see that..

expatinscotland · 07/12/2017 12:57

If you don't stand up to her and expose her, she'll continue doing this.

Regressionconfession · 07/12/2017 13:02

She sounds like she's dealing in post truth facts!

Tinselistacky · 07/12/2017 13:04

Send your dh - he will make sure her dh knows her game. You need it to be clear it is her who is risking the friendship def not you - or he will get a very different version I am sure. And she will spread her version far and wide!!

BouncingIntoGraceland · 07/12/2017 13:08

I'd let my husband go too, I really wouldn't give a shit what this woman thought of me for doing so given what a twat she is, and I really wouldn't wouldn't trust that something wouldn't happen to your item if left there another night.

KitKatCHA · 07/12/2017 13:10

I am flabbergasted that someone thinks this behaviour is ok Shock Get your story out amongst mutual friends first too otherwise she'll paint you in a terrible light.

TheMerryWidow1 · 07/12/2017 13:15

what a bitch, she is turning this all on you, saying he'll be disappointed when he probably hasn't even been shown it!!! This is disgusting. Good luck, be firm with her please.

BeALert · 07/12/2017 13:20

Blatantly placemarking...

Jerseysilkvelour · 07/12/2017 13:23

What a cheeky mare. I think you've had a result tho and well done for challenging her on it - but make sure either you or DH goes round to collect it this evening or it probably won't be there anymore.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 07/12/2017 13:25

She has a neck like a jockey's arse, doesn't she?!

I agree with sending your DH round. If you go round she'll try and emotionally blackmail you.

Agustarella · 07/12/2017 13:29

YANBU obviously. A lovely gesture on your part and a new low in CF behaviour from your friend. Angry

MrMeSeeks · 07/12/2017 13:30

I absolutely would send dh over to night, as it may not be there tomorrow!
I dont believe she's going to give it to fil at all!

ohfourfoxache · 07/12/2017 13:33

You must must must get it back. If you don’t then she’ll block you on FB and sell it anyway, even if she says she’s given it to FIL.

When you do get it back then block her and never look back. She is not a friend.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/12/2017 13:34

If you don't stand up to her and expose her, she'll continue doing this

Correct as usual (which is why, in similar situations, I think "WWED" ... ie: what would expat do? Wink)

All that said, I wonder if it really would make a difference? She's probably the type who, if challenged mildly, will titter "ooooo aren't I terrible"

And we've already seen the approach she takes if the challenge is a bit firmer Hmm

RainbowWish · 07/12/2017 13:37

I wonder what the cf's husband said to his wife trying to sell a thoughtful gift for his lonely old father.
She sounds like a selfish piece of work.
And not a true friend.

BlackEyedKid · 07/12/2017 13:47

She’s a terrible person.

BewareOfDragons · 07/12/2017 13:50

She is a thief. And a bitch.

I hope your DH is collecting the helmet today.

numptyhumpty · 07/12/2017 13:51

Fucking

Hell

ShockShockShock

Margomyhero · 07/12/2017 13:51

Wow. She certainly is a CF of the highest order.

I would send dh as it's then sorted out quickly.

De friend too. She doesn't sound like a friend that is worthy of your time.

Delatron · 07/12/2017 13:59

You're being too nice and therefore she is getting away with claiming she is the hard done by one. Don't let her get away with it. Act angry, act outraged. She has essential stolen from you.

You spell out exactly what has happened and send DH over asap or this item will go missing.

Why would you want to carry on being friends with her?