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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
CaptainHammer · 07/12/2017 11:33

You've done the right thing OP and I hope you get it back.

woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:34

the other thing that strikes me, is on what planet did she feel she had the right to £340 of your money? It's hardly the sort of value of present you give to a friend - it's obvious you gave it to the FIL with the intention he kept it. Warped.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/12/2017 11:39

I am thinking about contacting eBay, but accusing her of theft seems extreme

It really doesn't matter ... surely the point is to prevent it being sold, and since ebay will protect themselves above all else this seems the best way to do it. No matter what it says on the site, they're not likely to involve the police either - they'll just look after number one and get it off there so fast her head will spin

And there's really no point in worrying about the future of this "friendship"; I don't know how much clearer she could be about not giving a stuff for you Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2017 11:40

I’d let your dh go. You have a baby and if you can do it without being him/her present, so much the better. This will also be so much cleaner between them and without the emotion involved.

diddl · 07/12/2017 11:40

"She then said I was being extremely rude to take back a gift, that FIL would be very disappointed and then she hung up on me. "

The gift wasnt for her-and as if you'd trust her to pass it on now!Hmm

Silly bitch!

livefornaps · 07/12/2017 11:43

Send your husband!!!

HermioneIsMe · 07/12/2017 11:50

She still is trying to keep the object for herself, just hoping that by keeping it for a bit, you will forget and she will be able to sell it again wo you noticing.

Your FIL, unfortunately, won’t be upset of you pick it up, seeing that he doesn’t know about it he object. She is just laying the guilt really thick to make you change your mind.

I think you really need to go to pick up the object tonight. If you can’t because your baby, send your DH. Not because he is a man but because you actually have other important things to do.

I imagine she isn’t your fiend anymore so no more on yact from then on?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/12/2017 11:50

I'd describe her as an opportunitistic person, if that makes sense? Always able to sniff out a freebie or an upgrade. I know she's made her husband 'propose' in restaurants and such to get free champagne etc

And you considered this sort of person a friend? Confused

Why refuse your DH's offer to collect it? Either you want this back or you don't, and given her behavior you're not going to get it by playing nicey nicey ... all that will do is convince her she can go right on steamrollering you

whiskyowl · 07/12/2017 11:54

"think for her it's more the thrill of a freebie/bargain/fine than it is a need for the money for Christmas."

She's cheap as hell. Totally tacky behaviour. You did so well to confront her.

I love the fact she's now pulling the "FIL will be disappointed card" after she was going to sell it over his head.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 11:55

Another vote for sending DH

mmgirish · 07/12/2017 11:57

This is an incredible display of cfness!

SheffieldStealer · 07/12/2017 11:57

I agree about sending your DH, not because he IS A MAN and can therefore exert final authority, but because she knows you'll have told him the true story - that you gave the item to her FIL as a gift - and she'll have to come up with some cock and bull nonsense if she plans to hang onto it. All he has to say is, as agreed with Silver, I've come to collect the antique Ram Castrator or whatever it is, and give her a hard stare until she goes to get it.

CocoDeMoll · 07/12/2017 11:58

Make sure you get it back. You are being too nice still.

SheffieldStealer · 07/12/2017 11:59

Also, might it fight her emotional fire with fire if he (or you if it was your family attic) says, 'I've come to collect MY GRANDFATHER'S ram castrator!"?

RhiannonOHara · 07/12/2017 12:06

Fuck her eBay reputation.

Very wise of you to insist on having the item back.

Why would FIL be disappointed? Hmm She's talking rubbish.

She is hilarious saying you're rude. And it was 'a gift' to FIL, not her.

She's a twat.

Don't take your DH. You don't need to.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 12:09

😂😂😂😂 at antique ram castrator

I really want to know what it is now!!!

londonrach · 07/12/2017 12:18

Id still report to ebay as she likes dealing with stolen property. Get idea back as your update suggests then send her a link to this!!! Defriend her

timeisnotaline · 07/12/2017 12:19

I agree with sending your dh. If
She claims she's passed it to her fil your dh will have to check with her dh anyway as it's his father and she is a lying toad based on this story.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2017 12:24

'DH has offered to go, and also suggested that he call her DH to see what he thinks.

Ive said no, to do that would make me feel as though we're squabbling children who need men to sort us out..'

Fuck that. Send him to it. Or the cheeky bitch will make off with the item and sell it. Get him to call her today.

And do report her to Ebay. That's not extreme. She never had permission to flog the item. It was not given to her.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2017 12:25

I agree, london. I'd report her to Ebay pronto. Then get your DH to ring hers. I'd report her to the FB admin on that page and let them know she never had permission to sell the item. If you don't stand up to her, she'll get off with selling it.

gunsandbanjos · 07/12/2017 12:26

Definitely send your DH, it’s not about needing men to sort stuff out for you. It’s purely logistical as you can’t get there tonight due to your baby and I wouldn’t trust it for any longer in the cheeky fuckers hands.
Guaranteed if you don’t get it ASAP it’ll go walkies.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 07/12/2017 12:27

Wow! I’ve just caught up on this thread. She is a cheeky mare! Please make sure you do get it back. I would click the “watch item” button on her eBay listing to make sure she cancels it. You will be able to see if it had been removed or sold and for how much.

Judge Judy would wipe the floor with her. Grin

Bettyspants · 07/12/2017 12:31

Send DH to get it. I think she'll walk all over you. I'd also write to her fil and say the object she 'showed' him was intended as a very thoughtful gift from yourself. Unfortunately given her behaviour since you've lost your trust in her. Out her for her sneaky ways!

Sprinklestar · 07/12/2017 12:31

I hope it's a gavel cos the first thing you do when you get it back from her is smack her on the head with it! Cheeky mare! S

MissTeri · 07/12/2017 12:35

If some twat did this to me they'd no longer be my friend that's for sure. I'd be beyond livid, do people genuinely behave like this?

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