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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Tallia · 07/12/2017 11:11

Your last post has made me laugh. The woman has no shame!

Stay strong SilverBirchTree. And if you would still like her FIL to have the item ask her for his contact details so you can pass it on to him directly.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:11

DH has offered to go, and also suggested that he call her DH to see what he thinks.

Ive said no, to do that would make me feel as though we're squabbling children who need men to sort us out..

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 07/12/2017 11:12

oh so now you want it back she's giving it to FIL? I would not trust her as far as I could throw her. It would certainly go back in my attic and she wouldn't be a friend any longer either.

Snakey.

velourvoyageur · 07/12/2017 11:12

Last time you trusted her to pass on the object to FIL, she tried to sell it instead - how could she expect you to trust her not to do the same a second time Confused I'm amazed at her cheek in treating you like a complete idiot, and in demanding trust as if she's entitled to it!

Is this really the very first time she's exhibited such bizarre behaviour, or have you ignored signs before? (not suggesting that you've brought it on yourself or anything, just curious to know if this is out of character)

SheffieldStealer · 07/12/2017 11:12

She's probably going to drag poor FIL out to confirm that he was fine with you selling it, having spun him some story about how mean you've been.

You haven't done anything wrong, and she is an incredibly cheeky fucker. From showing it to FIL 'so he could take pics' and then telling you you could bid on your own gift to get it back once she'd sold it?! FFS. I'd be cooling that friendship.

woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:16

yes I agree sheffield, next the overtures about how FIL is disappointed that the money isn't going towards buying nice pressies for the family...

I say this is so twisted I'd drop the friend, like a hot potato.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 07/12/2017 11:18

Go round there, take the item back and when you next see FIL hand it directly to him.

Nanny0gg · 07/12/2017 11:19

I don't think your DH should discuss it with her DH, but I think he should go and get it for you just to make sure it's still there...

lakeg · 07/12/2017 11:20

Truth is so often stranger than fiction. I really want to hear how the pick up goes. Somehow think the item will be damaged.

Nanny0gg · 07/12/2017 11:20

Go round there, take the item back and when you next see FIL hand it directly to him.

I doubt the OP will be invited to any more of the CF's soirees...and I doubt she'd want to go!

SmitheringSmithison · 07/12/2017 11:22

Let your husband go and get it, if you don’t want him to speak to her dh about it he doesn’t have to, but I would definitely let him take the stress of getting it back off you-you’ve got a newborn, you don’t need her bad vibes and feeling on top.

Pandoraphile · 07/12/2017 11:23

So he's going to be really disappointed to not have an item that he doesn't know he was supposed to have?? That is such a ridiculous argument! Bloody hell.

Largebucket · 07/12/2017 11:24

I wouldn't give it to him, she'll probably find some way to sell it at a later date. If he ever asks about it you could tell him in a very neutral voice thst you were going to give it to him but your SIL was adamant he wouldn't want it.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:24

@Velour - I'd describe her as an opportunitistic person, if that makes sense? Always able to sniff out a freebie or an upgrade. I know she's made her husband 'propose' in restaurants and such to get free champagne etc. So yes I knew she was a bit selfish and silly but I didn't think she'd try to nick a present from her widowed FIL!

I also mentioned upthread, her family is very comfortable. $600 doesn't make a big difference to their lives, so i think for her it's more the thrill of a freebie/bargain/fine than it is a need for the money for Christmas.

That was a bit rambling, I'm still churning my thoughts on her in light of this debacle! Does that answer your question?

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 07/12/2017 11:25

Cheeky bitch! I’d go round and demand it back. I thought her FIL didn’t want it? And now he’ll be disappointed? Do not trust her!

Doggonedays · 07/12/2017 11:25

I'm willing to bet that she hadn't even offered it to father in law in the first place and got her grubby mits on it and saw pound signs.

She will give it to him now and make a huge fuss about how mean and horrible you are taking it back and he will have no idea about the sale.

angieloumc · 07/12/2017 11:26

I agree with pp who say let your DH go asap and get it or she'll be reckoning on she's given it to FIL.
What sort of person behaves like this towards anyone let alone a friend?
And you have a newborn as well? The cheeky cow should be fetching it back to you.

woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:26

she's like those wealthy people that like shoplifting for the kick it gives them - she's massively crossed a boundary though.

MillennialFalcon · 07/12/2017 11:27

Her FIL won't be disappointed because it's obvious she never even offered it to him. Earlier she said she knows that he would be embarrassed by such an expensive gift not that he told her that when she offered it.

MillennialFalcon · 07/12/2017 11:29

Although I understand it's awkward, it is best for your DH to get it before she can pretend she's passed it on, otherwise you'd never know if she actually had since you can't contact her FIL.

Stormwhale · 07/12/2017 11:29

I think when you see her you should let her know in no uncertain terms that your friendship is over due to her appalling behaviour.

Isthismummy · 07/12/2017 11:29

She's had her DH fake propose in restaurants for free champagne? Shock

Isthismummy · 07/12/2017 11:31

I agree you should send your DH tonight. I'm telling you now that item will be gone by tomorrow otherwise.

Then never speak to her again. She's an absolute twat!

letdownalittleagain · 07/12/2017 11:31

I’d send dh personally. As there’s little to salvage anyway

Someoneasdumbasthis · 07/12/2017 11:32

this is unbelievable! you definitely haven't done anything wrong OP. She's batshit! Agree with PPs, send DH round tonight if you can, keep your distance for a while and never ever trust her again.