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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Loveatthefiveanddime · 07/12/2017 10:50

Your reply is wet. She will trounce all over you.

ArchchancellorsHat · 07/12/2017 10:52

It's definitely theft.

sumofparts · 07/12/2017 10:55

I'm wondering why you won't name the object when there is so much more identifying information in the posts. Genuine question Smile

PilarTernera · 07/12/2017 10:57

I would contact ebay and say the item is your property and not hers to sell. By treating you this way, this person is demonstrating that she is not your friend. She cares more about her ebay feedback than she does about your feelings.

FlowerPot1234 · 07/12/2017 10:57

Can you post a link OP to the Ebay listing, I'm sure lots of MNetters on Ebay would like to ask the vendor some questions... Smile

CrypticClues · 07/12/2017 10:58

Check the link... Is it still for sale or not? I thought you could cancel a sale without affecting feedback - as feedback is left by your customers (or people you buy from), isn't it?

If it's still for sale, message again and get her to cancel. Right Now. Then get to her house asap.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:00

@sumofparts I thought I might avoid the small risk of a daily mail feature by not naming the object or profession, if that makes sense? It's not a full cohesive story that they can copy paste.. that's my thinking anyway!

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 07/12/2017 11:00

Op you need to just go round to her house and not leave until she gives it back to you.

woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:00

i would send her a text telling her you are going to contact facebook and ebay to take it down - I just RTFT and I can't believe the CF of it. Unbelievable! If I didn't hear back in 4 hours I'd proceed with contacting them.

Even if her FIL said he didn't want it, I suspect the poor man was lead to this conclusion.

CrypticClues · 07/12/2017 11:00

If you leave this till tomorrow, it may not be there...

witchofzog · 07/12/2017 11:00

This is crazy. I can't believe how bloody grabby and cheeky she is. Please update us asap op

woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:01

if she was a friend, she'd have reacted totally differently from the start, she's trying to bully and evade you into getting her cash. Very odd behaviour from a friend...

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:04

She's just called me in a huff and said since it 'means that much' to me she'll cancel the auction, risking her 'eBay reputation' and pass the object along to her FIL.

I said given our back and forth today, I want the item returned and I'll see her tomorrow morning to collect it.

She then said I was being extremely rude to take back a gift, that FIL would be very disappointed and then she hung up on me.

I'm the rude one?!?

OP posts:
woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:05

i don't think it's stealing as such, it's willful misinterpretation to exploit her FIL and her friend - if anything it's exploiting her relationships for cash. Nice...it's worse really as it is personal.

you can get them to take it down by saying there's been a misunderstanding about ownership without accusing theft as such.

CactusCactusCactus · 07/12/2017 11:05

You've definitely done the wrong thing. Do NOT let her make you feel bad Thanks

PastaOfMuppets · 07/12/2017 11:05

$600 is an expensive piece of junk

She's got no shame - you should long ago have posted on both auction links letting bidders know it's not hers to sell

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:05

I can't go around tonight, I have a newborn and it's not worth the hassle.

OP posts:
woofmiaowwoof · 07/12/2017 11:06

FIL won't be disappointed, because according to her he was happy for it to be sold to a stranger on ebay - she's a total manipulator!

FlowerPot1234 · 07/12/2017 11:07

She then said I was being extremely rude to take back a gift, that FIL would be very disappointed and then she hung up on me.

She is outrageous! How can FIL be very disappointed when according to her he wasn't going to get it anyway because she was selling it!

Good for her. Go round and get it, and do not fall for any of her "oh, ok.. I'll give it to FIL" - she won't. She is an awful friend.

CactusCactusCactus · 07/12/2017 11:08

The RIGHT thing!! You've done the RIGHT thing - do not let her make you feel bad Blush

TrojansAreSmegheads · 07/12/2017 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buckbeak · 07/12/2017 11:08

I can't believe she's so rude. Please tell me your re considering this friendship! Can your DH go and get it tonight?

I think if you leave it until tomorrow, you won't get it back.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 11:09

@Cactus, lol, thank you! Smile

OP posts:
TheHolidayArmadillo · 07/12/2017 11:09

Fucking hell!

If she is still being a dick about it, report the listing to eBay.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2017 11:09

You need to be tough. Your messages so far are wishy washy. She won’t be there or won’t answer the door and you’ll never see your item.

Text her back something along the lines of:

Remove the item immediately from eBay and fb or I will report it to them as stolen. I expect my item to be returned tomorrow morning by x time otherwise I will escalate this situation.

Stop trying to prevent confrontation in the misguided belief this will blow over. Your friendship is already dead in the water.