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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
MillennialFalcon · 07/12/2017 10:24

I think it's going to be hard to avoid a falling out here. You trusted her to pass on a present from you to someone else and she stole it to sell. There's not really any coming back from that, there would be no trust left. So don't let any concerns about the friendship stop you from standing up to her and getting back what's yours. She clearly doesn't care about your feelings. So sorry you're in this situation when you tried to do something nice for someone.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 10:25

I've just messaged her:

'I think you've misunderstood. I meant [object] as a gift from me to [FIL] specifically, due to his work as [profession] and because you told me he would want it. It was not a gift to you and the family. Since you now say he would not enjoy it after all, I'll come collect it back before work tomorrow. If it has been sold, then I will collect the proceeds of the sale. See you at 7:25'

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 10:27

I am thinking about contacting eBay, but accusing her of theft seems extreme. She didn't shoplift it, I more see it as she's just sort of weaselled her way to a gift that wasn't for her... bad form but I don't think it's criminal.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 10:27

Look on ebay now and see if it's been sold, and message them that it's stolen if it's still for sale - or, message her and say 'I see it's still up for auction. You have 30 minutes to take it down or I report to Ebay as stolen. That will kind of wreck your feedback a bit more, don't you think?'

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 10:28

If she argues the toss after that last message I wouldn't give a stuff about sobbing her in it with eBay. I have a nasty feeling she's not going to play ball @SlothMama

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 10:28

No it is - it's not hers to sell. If you report it as disputed ownership, they'll message her to take it down. She won't be arrested or anything! It will shit her up big time though.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 10:29

Sorry meant @SilverBirchTree

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 10:29

If it's also on FB do the same thing.

RockinHippy · 07/12/2017 10:30

I am thinking about contacting eBay, but accusing her of theft seems extreme

Not at all, your so called friend is selling your property for her own gain. Theft, pure & simple. If she hasn't offered it to her FIL, then it's theft from him too.

You are being too soft. This pee taker of a woman does not deserve your friendship

LouHotel · 07/12/2017 10:31

Your last message was good. If she sells it or dodges you at 7.25am i hope that answers your questions on if she's just a CF or an actually theif.

AnnaleeP · 07/12/2017 10:31

I would go round now tbh, or first thing in the morning, 6am and not leave until I have it.

sizenines · 07/12/2017 10:31

You may be told that it has already gone in a private sale and the money is spent. Have you told FIL that you sent it to him via this person and that she has taken it instead and is trying to sell it?

MrsJamin · 07/12/2017 10:35

Your messages are still far too soft! She's not getting the point and you need to say what she has to do for it not to be theft and to get serious.

Violletta · 07/12/2017 10:36

either bid 000s or go round and get it

SheffieldStealer · 07/12/2017 10:37

£5 says she tries to split the 'profits' of the sale with you as 'she did all the work in putting it on eBay'...

MillennialFalcon · 07/12/2017 10:38

I probably wouldn't have told her the exact time that you are visiting as she will be unavailable. Remember you are dealing with someone untrustworthy.

silkpyjamasallday · 07/12/2017 10:38

This woman is no friend to you OP. Contact eBay to report it as stolen, and leave a comment on the Facebook post to the same effect. What an absolute arsehole she is, what sort of person actually thinks it's ok to do something like that?!

AnnaleeP · 07/12/2017 10:39

You need to tell her that it's theft, because she is refusing to get the message.

NatashaRomanov · 07/12/2017 10:39

Pretty safe to say that she is not a real friend.
Good luck getting your property back!

PorklessPie · 07/12/2017 10:40

I can't believe how angry I've got myself on your behalf Confused she is no friend, what a weasel she really is.

MillennialFalcon · 07/12/2017 10:42

I agree with previous posters. She is going to muddy the issue here unless you are really clear. She is acting as if you gave her a gift and what she does with it is up to her but actually you only intended for her to deliver it and she did deprive you (and the intended recipient) of it, that is theft. I understand why you're uncomfortable pointing it out but she needs to realise that you take this seriously.

Ceto · 07/12/2017 10:44

You don't have to tell Ebay that it's theft, you just have to say that it's not hers to sell.

Jaxhog · 07/12/2017 10:48

Yes, YANBU. At all. That's a good message to send her. Good luck getting it back.

crazycatgal · 07/12/2017 10:49

Stop being so soft and sending fluffy messages. Are you prepared to put up with a friend who thinks it's ok to steal from you?

Just show up there and take it back. If you're saying that you'll go round tomorrow morning it will probably be gone by then.

gobster · 07/12/2017 10:49

Send me the link I’ll report her for you! Damn freaking cheek