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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
OhNoOhNo · 07/12/2017 09:08

Flounceydoves - i think the thread is moving very fast, and I am surprised the friend is responding to messages at 2am.

RadioGaGoo · 07/12/2017 09:10

Is it just the two threads you are troll hunting on FlouncyDoves, or are there any more?

geologyrocks · 07/12/2017 09:15

Id report it to the police also

Palegreenstars · 07/12/2017 09:16

You have to point out what an arse she's being if she's pretending not to realise

FlouncyDoves · 07/12/2017 09:16

Radio

I call it as I see it.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 07/12/2017 09:18

I agree with others I’d get on there and report to eBay before she does sell it. I am open mouthed at the cheek of her. She totally didn’t misunderstand she was banking on you backing down and saying ok then. Do.not.back.down! Get it back today preferably cheeky cow she is.

whiskyowl · 07/12/2017 09:20

I find this so depressing. What the FUCK is wrong with people these days? This is so mean-spirited, so utterly lacking in generosity, and so completely greedy that it beggars belief. It's grabby not only to you but to her own father. Appalling behaviour.

tobitcoinornottobitcoin · 07/12/2017 09:20

Massive CF!

whiskyowl · 07/12/2017 09:20

Also, I really hope that this makes the bloody Daily Mail and that she sees it and is ashamed. She deserve to be publicly embarrassed.

ShatnersWig · 07/12/2017 09:21

Radio I think its partly understandable on some threads now. MN always say about non investing in threads but people often do and then feel really cheesed off to discover it's a bollocks thread. It's all since penis beaker and the increase of traffic and journalists creating threads to produce click bait stories for the Fail and such like. I'm afraid it's inevitable people are going to doubt posters when there is contradiction or elements that just seem too co-incidental or odd. Sad but there it is.

PuppyMonkey · 07/12/2017 09:22

OP probably needs a lie-in this morning.

SammySays · 07/12/2017 09:25

How does someone even think to do this let alone argue with you that they are right and you are getting worked up over nothing! Cancelling the listing won’t ruin her eBay feedback and even if it did, that’s not your problem. Shocking!

RadioGaGoo · 07/12/2017 09:26

ShatnersWig. Fair enough, I just would have thought a quiet report might be the best way. Pretty embarrassing if it turns out to be genuine. Especially in light of time zones.

thiskittenbarks · 07/12/2017 09:26

What an awful person! It’s not hers to sell - you gave it to FIL and just gave it to her to pass on to him. I can’t believe she is dragging her heels over this and not just apologising profusely for listing it as for sale. I think the friendship is over, so you might as well get your item back in the process. It’s clearly not about the money for you as you gave it as (a very thoughtful) gift rather than have the money for yourself. It’s about the principle.
What a totally awful person!

trixymalixy · 07/12/2017 09:27

wow, total CF!

makeitpink · 07/12/2017 09:31

@ShatnersWig penis beaker wasn't real?????? I don't MN very often but this has shattered my faith in all things MN'y 😢😢

FlowerPot1234 · 07/12/2017 09:32

Haven't RTFT, but sbsolutely, completely, outrageously unacceptable. I simply cannot believe people like the OP's "friend" can go through life with such a massive gap of decency and conscience.

If she's a friend, she wouldn't have done this from the outset.
If she's a friend who temporarily lost all her moral compass and marbles at the same time, she would have realised what a major screw up it was when the OP posted "?????".

Show her this thread OP. Her behaviour is a disgrace.

Lilliepixie · 07/12/2017 09:32

Can you contact eBay and tell them there's a dispute about the item and it's not hers to sell?

AnneOfCleavage · 07/12/2017 09:33

Um she mentioned $ so I'm assuming she is in a different time zone to some of us.

OP if she sells it then she owes you ALL the money she got from the sale as it wasn't hers to sell. This is blatant stealing and she is being so blasé about it so is a shameless CF. You may need to reconsider your friendship with this "friend".

ShatnersWig · 07/12/2017 09:34

pink No, it was real, but that was the first real thread that was picked up by the media and that's when the rot set in and increased the huge numbers of trolls and fake threads and which in turn led to journos using MN as a cheap way of filling column inches to in turn to journos creating threads to fill even more column inches.

Radio Quite.

Shadow666 · 07/12/2017 09:36

I also assumed dollars meant the OP was somewhere like Aus or US.

I'm just Shock at this.

TrickyD · 07/12/2017 09:40

If the item is already in the public domain, on Ebay and FB, can't you tell us exactky what it is, if only to satisfy our my nosiness?

JaneEyre70 · 07/12/2017 09:42

I'm sat here open mouthed after reading this. I think you need to go round to her house and ask for it back OP. She can cancel a listing without affecting her feedback. If she won't return, then sadly you will need to involve the Police and I'd make it very clear to her that that is your next step. The cheek of it!

Dadstheworld · 07/12/2017 09:42

I'd report the item as stolen on eBay

The CF has shown she'll happily write off a friendship over this, I'd do the same.

I'd post on FB about disputed ownership. They might make a few quid but learning peoples true colors is priceless.

makeitpink · 07/12/2017 09:42

@ShatnersWig ah ok. I feel better now!! I have to admit I've always been a bit Hmm about threads being shared on Facebook as obviously some things would then out the OP.