Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting to share our Xmas bonus with BIL and MIL?

181 replies

Cumulus1984 · 06/12/2017 14:16

DH got a new job with a wine merchant earlier this year. As a Xmas bonus, employees have the option to purchase a year's supply of wine: 52 bottles for £52. The wine retails for £20 a bottle.

DH mentioned it to MIL and BIL, who immediately went OOOH! and wanted to split it three ways (17 bottles each). Then they had a chat about who they could give the bottles of wine to as Xmas presents... one for my work colleague Sarah, one for my neighbour John, etc.

I was seething when DH told me because it's OUR Xmas bonus! I don't mind giving them a bottle each for Xmas but I don't see why they should have a third each, or why they should give away our bargain wine to their colleagues and friends who are complete strangers to us! And then when we run out of the nice stuff after a few months we have to spend five times as much on cheap wine to last us the rest of the year.

They've asked a couple of times when THEIR wine is being delivered. I've told DH to tell them it's our Xmas bonus and he's happy to give them a bottle each as a gift but we want to keep the rest to last us the year. But DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish. I pointed out that BIL receives a cash bonus from his employer and he isn't sharing that with us, so I don't see why we should share our bonus. AIBU wanting to keep our Xmas bonus for ourselves?

OP posts:
gobster · 06/12/2017 17:52

Maybe they didn’t realise you’d actually want all 52 bottles and thought it would be a good deal to split it seeing it more of a perk/discount rather than bonus

If it’s wine you want it does seem daft to give it away, but if you wouldn’t drink it sharing would be good

Does seem daft to give two-thirds away though if you are big wine drinkers, especially decent £20 bottles, if it’s your DH new job it would also benefit him to ensure he is well versed in what they supply

QueenUnicorn · 06/12/2017 17:54

Would they still be expecting the wine if it was free and not £1?

Viviennemary · 06/12/2017 17:58

It could be reasonable to give them half a dozen bottles each. But in view of their grabby attitude they don't deserve any.

FiFiLaPoodle · 06/12/2017 17:59

Cheeky fuckers. How DARE they? Hmm Have they ever done this with other stuff? Why the F do they think they can have your stuff FFS?!

I do disagree with the posters saying 'it's not yours!' You're a couple, so it's half yours. Would they be saying this if they wanted two thirds of a thousand pound cash bonus that your husband got?!

This would royally piss me off I must admit. And I would be pissed off if my husband was allowing it to happen!

No advice really, sorry.

As someone said, maybe you should tell your husband to ask BIL for a third of HIS bonus! Hmm

Split it in half then -best option all around.

You get your 26 bottles to do with as you wish, be that gifting or drinking or splitting with you family. He gets 26 to divide as he sees fit.

This may be an option.

PrimalLass · 06/12/2017 18:30

* Do you plan to drink all that wine*

That doesn't matter in the slightest. Does the BIL plan to spend all his bonus on himself?

AppleAndBlackberry · 06/12/2017 18:31

If it's a taxable benefit then DH could be taxed around £200 for accepting the bonus. Probably worth it if you get to keep it all, not so much for 16 bottles.

fidgettt · 06/12/2017 18:35

Say no, every time they raise it use the same arguments to ask for DBILs bonus.

Cheeky entitled fuckers!

DeadGood · 06/12/2017 18:36

“I don't mind giving them a bottle each for Xmas”

Haha this made me laugh. I know the wine is “worth” £20 but you only pay £1 for it, and they know it!

randomthoughts · 06/12/2017 18:57

Buy a load of cheap plonk on one of the 25% off things or a Lidl super weekend for £3 a bottle, sell it to them for the £17, cost to you £68 but they’ve got a bit of a bargain (and might not realise...) and you get the wine! If they do realise they probably just won’t be so cheeky next year.

Ropsleybunny · 06/12/2017 19:57

You should definitely not share! Those that think that it's just DH's bonus are wrong.

SandAndSea · 06/12/2017 20:05

What a cheek!!

YADNBU!

Just tell them. You could do it laughing cos you know, you assumed they were joking as it's so ridiculous.

Pengggwn · 06/12/2017 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixiedust1973 · 06/12/2017 20:19

Id be looking to find out if he has to pay tax on this as a benefit in kind. Im sure some kind of tax would be payable. Imagine if he had to pay super tax on it. Personally I wouldn't want it if that were the case, but id accept it & use it as presents rather than give it away. DH may not of thought of this. It may end up costing you money to give this wine away!

TeaAndToast85 · 06/12/2017 20:51

DO NOT GIVE THOSE GRABBY FECKERS YOUR WINE

greeeen · 06/12/2017 20:58

YADNBU!

AdalindSchade · 06/12/2017 21:17

Your ILs are cheeky sods and your DH is a wuss!

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2017 21:41

"You get your 26 bottles to do with as you wish, be that gifting or drinking or splitting with you family. He gets 26 to divide as he sees fit."
Only works if the dh then pays for alternate bottles of wine when he runs out until ops wine is gone. Otherwise they're just giving away fewer bottles of wine as a couple

SeaRabbit · 06/12/2017 21:51

I would expect that he'll have to pay tax on it, out of his usual salary or his employers will 'give' him extra salary to enable him to pay the tax on the value of the wine that he doesn't pay for. So it is costing him something because if he didn't get the wine, he'd not have to pay the tax, so would have more cash to spend on him/you.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2017 22:08

What are you going to do op?

SilverBirchTree · 06/12/2017 22:37

It's annoying but it sounds like your husband has already told them that they can have it, so you have to go through with it now.

The only thing I can think of is if it is taxed as income (but maybe that's why they charge the one pound? To make it a purchase not compensation..) then ask BIL and MIL to pay the tax on it. This might put them off, or even better, make them realise that the wine is income, and realise it isn't appropriate to split it.

Be ready for next year- and be very clear that there will be no sharing of this years bonus!

Codlet · 06/12/2017 22:48

I agree with the posters suggesting giving them half a dozen bottles each. You and DH will still have 40 left, this might be easier for DH to agree to?

inconspicuousrhino · 06/12/2017 22:58

Are you sure MIL and BIL understand it’s a Christmas bonus in lieu of cash and not thought it was a perk of the job?

GreenTulips · 06/12/2017 22:59

I think your DH has said more than he meant too and they have assumed he's sharing -

WHAT Does he say now?

Maelstrop · 06/12/2017 23:11

Really easy solution. Tell them to fuck off and stop being so bloody cheeky. They have no right to any of it. What is wrong with your DH that he hasn't already done this?!

aplaceinthesun · 06/12/2017 23:12

Your dh told them about it so I would assume that he was perhaps expecting to share. My family are like this, everyone gets a cut from a bonus/inheritance/payout (not split evenly mind you, more a token gift) My Dh's family are every man for himself so I wouldn't share anything with them, but if I got a bonus and dh threw a strop about me gifting my family with it then I would not be best pleased.