AIBU not wanting to share our Xmas bonus with BIL and MIL?

[Cumulus1984]

DH got a new job with a wine merchant earlier this year. As a Xmas bonus, employees have the option to purchase a year's supply of wine: 52 bottles for £52. The wine retails for £20 a bottle.

DH mentioned it to MIL and BIL, who immediately went OOOH! and wanted to split it three ways (17 bottles each). Then they had a chat about who they could give the bottles of wine to as Xmas presents... one for my work colleague Sarah, one for my neighbour John, etc.

I was seething when DH told me because it's OUR Xmas bonus! I don't mind giving them a bottle each for Xmas but I don't see why they should have a third each, or why they should give away our bargain wine to their colleagues and friends who are complete strangers to us! And then when we run out of the nice stuff after a few months we have to spend five times as much on cheap wine to last us the rest of the year.

They've asked a couple of times when THEIR wine is being delivered. I've told DH to tell them it's our Xmas bonus and he's happy to give them a bottle each as a gift but we want to keep the rest to last us the year. But DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish. I pointed out that BIL receives a cash bonus from his employer and he isn't sharing that with us, so I don't see why we should share our bonus. AIBU wanting to keep our Xmas bonus for ourselves?

Hell no! Cheeky feckers!

Its your DH's fault for even mentioning it and then not manning up and saying its yours only. I don't mention my bonus to anyone but my husband. However - it is his to do with as he wants - he earned it.

Your DH sounds a generous soul, if he wants to give some to his family that’s a kind thing to do. But for the sake of peace, perhaps in future he should discuss gifts with you first, your going to look the bad guy here with his family otherwise, especially as they have allocated it for their Xmas gifts, LOL! I would be miffed too OP.

I had a similar 'bonus' when I worked at one place & got taxed on the notional value above £50 whether I bought the goods or not... You could have goods as a gift from the employers tax free up to a value of £50 but anything above that was taxed.

Your in laws are cheeky fuckers. Yanbu. Fuck that, I wouldn't share.

You see this is another occasion where a Frasier reference saves the day.
Frasier (MIL/BIL): How much do I owe you for my share?
Niles (OP and DH): tinkly little laugh. Yes, how very amusing. Stanley Sullivan made that very same joke.

(Obviously substitute Stanley Sullivan with an appropriate alternative)

If that bonus wasn’t in bottles of wine but in money, wouodwould they also expect him to share that bonus with them?
I don’t think so.
Same applies to the bottles of wine.

Your DH needs to grow up and stop being a doormat.
The problem beingbthat, as he has t told them no, they are now expecting him to give 15 bottles and will really kick up a fuss if he doesn’t.

Are you sure your husband is not meant to try them , so that he can recommend them to clients ?
That's what I'd be telling the greedy bastards

Blimey!

There are a lot of people on here who don't share! And I don't mean with the in-laws!

My DH would never treat his bonus as 'his'. It was family money and joint.

My DC and their partners are the same.

Of course it's the OP's business.

Or would you be happy if your partners gave away part of their salary every month (not speaking about maintenance of course) to their parents and siblings?

Of course you wouldn't!

If he was given £3k as a bonus woudl they expect a grand each?????

I'd just say the offer has closed and your DH missed the boat because he didn't get his name down quickly enough.

Then make no more mention of it ever again.

(I don't understand the Stanley Sullivan quote BTW).

RestingGrinchFace
But it's not like you are going to drink 52 bottles of wine anyway surely?

Well yeah. When you're married you share everything with each other. It says so in the contract, and in the fancy words if you married in church. If it isn't the OP's because DH earned it, then by that token it is far less his parents' or siblings'. If he were, God forbid, to be run over by a bus tomorrow the law would say everything goes to the wife, because it is a family asset. Wider family only get a look-in if there is no spouse.

Giving them a present out of the bonus, fine, lovely; I don't see OP saying she had a problem with that. However, deciding on behalf of married adult offspring what you are going to do with his Christmas bonus is way beyond the pale. (I'm just trying to imagine what DS would say if I tried to cut DIL out of the loop in this scenario. But he would assume I'm joking, because I would have to be.)

Mind you, there may be a back story whereby OP is a not-so-recovered alcoholic who intends to polish off the whole lot in a glorious binge, and probably kill herself in the process. In the absence of that: YANBU!

I take it this is the first year of this bonus, presumably your in-laws will be looking forward to 'their' annual wine bonus every year from now on.

Winezillas!

I wonder if they'll be pissed off in a future year if DH leaves this job or the bonus changes

YANBU at all. Could he at least compromise letting them buy say 5 bottles each?!

DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish

Posters on MN often say that things like this suggest a DH problem rather than an in law problem

They're right

Next time you all together ask BIL when your share of his bonus is coming given he wants a share of your husbands :-)

Where is he coming from with the share stuff? If it was a cash bonus, would he distribute it around the wider family? Does he divide his salary into portions, with one wedge for everybody because it would be rude not to?
The inlaws sound weird as well, tbh, expecting to be counted in

As you say, if you have to lose 2/3 of your 52 bottles of wine, then you will have to buy those later on at the cost of £20 a pop. So that would be £680 worth of your DH's bonus that your ILs have taken off you. That's £680 that your family would be spending to make up for their £34, a net loss of £646 to your family.
Try explaining it like that to your DH - he might get it then.

Offer your MIL and BIL to buy wine from you with a family discount, let's say 10 pounds per bottle. That way you will make some money and they will get 50% off retail price
If they say no to that, then they can f**k off, not getting anything at all.

Its your DH's fault for even mentioning it Yes why the hell did he mention!

*mention it

Just in defence of the in laws, is it possible they haven't realised you would actually drink the 52 bottles yourselves?

DH and I really don't drink often - I'd guess a bottle a month if that. I always find it surprising when I realise how much other families drink (not criticising/judging, just not something I anticipate).

If your husband says he can buy 52 bottles at a discount, maybe they don't realise he actually wants the 52 bottles, and just think they may as well use some of the discount?

I also suspect they're thinking of it as a seasonal staff discount, rather than as a bonus, and it's pretty common to share staff discounts with family.

So maybe don't be outraged, just explain that actually you are buying the 52 bottles for your family use.

But it's not like you are going to drink 52 bottles of wine anyway surely?

Not all at once, perhaps. But even if you only had a bottle each day of the weekend (Fridays being part of the weekend), it would only last 4 months.

I think they're proper cheeky fuckers and FizzyGreen's message is perfect. Especially as they're going to give it away, and not even enjoy it themselves!

Otoh, it would be quite funny to buy something really cheap and nasty, and give them that instead. It would have to be obscure though, and not have Tesco written on the label.

Sorry PuppyMonkey , it just means that when MIL or BIL ask for their share of the wine the OP or her DH should react as though it's just a joke.