AIBU not wanting to share our Xmas bonus with BIL and MIL?

[Cumulus1984]

DH got a new job with a wine merchant earlier this year. As a Xmas bonus, employees have the option to purchase a year's supply of wine: 52 bottles for £52. The wine retails for £20 a bottle.

DH mentioned it to MIL and BIL, who immediately went OOOH! and wanted to split it three ways (17 bottles each). Then they had a chat about who they could give the bottles of wine to as Xmas presents... one for my work colleague Sarah, one for my neighbour John, etc.

I was seething when DH told me because it's OUR Xmas bonus! I don't mind giving them a bottle each for Xmas but I don't see why they should have a third each, or why they should give away our bargain wine to their colleagues and friends who are complete strangers to us! And then when we run out of the nice stuff after a few months we have to spend five times as much on cheap wine to last us the rest of the year.

They've asked a couple of times when THEIR wine is being delivered. I've told DH to tell them it's our Xmas bonus and he's happy to give them a bottle each as a gift but we want to keep the rest to last us the year. But DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish. I pointed out that BIL receives a cash bonus from his employer and he isn't sharing that with us, so I don't see why we should share our bonus. AIBU wanting to keep our Xmas bonus for ourselves?

YANBU, I think it may be time for the tinkly laugh, " oh no MIL, it's in lieu of a cash Xmas bonus, We are not expecting a 1/3 of BIL's December pay-check" more tinkly laughter. They could jog right on, why is your DH even considering this?

If you have to do this I would give it as their Xmas gift but I personally would tell them to jog on.

My dhs Christmas bonus is OUR Christmas bonus so the op is not out of order. He will just have to get back to them and say guys this spun out of control. We love wine and this bonus is in lieu of the cash bonus x(Bil) gets- he's not sharing that! We are keeping it for funding our wine drinking through the year. We are giving you each 2 bottles at christmas.

Split the bottles 50/50 with dh and tell him if he wants to spilt his share to crack on but you aren't sharing!!

No I don't get a Xmas bonus from work (nursery assistant so the most I'm likely to get is a box of chocs from the kids). I don't regard it as DH's bonus: we have a joint bank account, my salary is ours, his salary is ours, if he got a cash bonus it would be ours, therefore a non-cash bonus is also ours. And if we're sharing with family then my parents and sisters should also be entitled to a share!

If he insists tell him you want your share. That way al least they only get 1/2

Fizzy has it nailed. If MIL is retired you could suggest she shared her winter fuel payment as well - to make it fair!!!!
Cheeky is the polite word. My dad had similar with people thinking that he could use his discount at the wholesalerand then give them the stuff.

Bit different to giving if they are paying for it! I would suggest they make it two pound each bottle and offer them 10 bottles each. Unless you are doing a lot of hosting over xmas I don't why you would need so much wine?

Its not yours either. It's upto him what he does.

YANBU

It is, effectively, a £988 bonus. I wouldn't give away 2/3 of my bonus.

It's his. If he wants to do that it's none of your business.

Do you think they are selling it on?

Your dh does realise that he will be paying tax on that bonus doesn't he?

Does DH actually want to give it to them or does he feel pressured to give it?

More thoughts, you can tell how unlikely I am to share my wine!

I am guessing your DH has to pay a token amount so it doesn't count as a gift/bonus for tax purposes, you need to explain to MIL, it isn't something you are buying but a bonus. She would be taking money out of your wages.

An easy way out without conflict would be to say that you had misunderstood how the scheme worked and you get your bottles monthly not all at once so you don't have any to give her or BIL.

I'm outraged on your behalf! And what an entitled bunch your iLs are.
While it is your DH's bonus, as a family unit such decisions should be shared.

It is worth reminding your BiL, when he receives a cash bonus from his employer, that sharing goes 2 ways.

I would just tell them that you've got other plans for it but that they can expect a bottle each to enjoy on Christmas Day. They are cheeky in my opinion!

Tell him that he's going to have to split the wine bonus x number of ways and mention all your family members who need to be included to make it fair.
When he starts to disagree, point out how ludicrous he was even considering splitting it with his mother and brother.
I can't think that anybody splits Xmas bonuses amongst their family members. Your DH's family is on another planet.

If it does count as a bonus and DH is paying tax then they would need to cover the cost of that as well or you would be paying quite a bit for them to have the wine I would think.

Some places do give goods /discounts on the proviso it’s for personal use.

Tell them he’s paying tax on a grants worth of wine and so you’d lose money on it, plus work get funny about it being given away if you need an excuse.

Not that you should need an excuse...

Love this "it's his not yours" chat. Plenty of couples (including the OP it seems) put their lot into the one pot and share it out. Nothing wrong with that.
I'm on mat leave at the moment and earning fck all. I'm so lucky that my DH is generous enough to share his pay packet and bonus with me eh?

OP is it possible they think this is an ongoing perk rather than a one off bonus? If my DH had access to that sort of deal year round then there wouldn't be anything wrong with MIL asking to make use of the discount I don't think.

Next time MIL or BIL ask where their wine is your DH has to laugh and say he didn’t think they were being serious. What a pair of cheeky feckers! No one shares Christmas bonuses with their mums and brothers

I'd be a bit put out and annoyed about this. If my DD was really going to share his bonus, I'd be asking where my share was as his wife, ie it gets split four ways.

Giving them a bottle each or taking a couple if you go round to theirs over Christmas, but seriously that's the limit. What's BIL's bonus this year - I assume he's sharing it was well!!

Sorry DH, not DD!

How on earth does anyone manage to make 52 bottles of wine last an entire year?

^ this

But yeah YANBU at all, how cheeky of them (well the MIL anyway, has the BIL actually said anything?)

Fuck. That.