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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why women

184 replies

TenForward82 · 06/12/2017 09:43

... have to remember their work tasks, daily activities, where the kids have to be and when, what groceries need buying and what shops to get them from ...

... But a man can't even remember his fucking wallet, meaning a sick mum who has been up early has to drag herself and her toddler out to the car to drop it off for him?

/Rant

OP posts:
JaneyJones · 07/12/2017 14:14

'Why do people set up home with such abusive men. Did some really have no idea how abusive their dp might be?'
Ime abusive people are very covert in their behaviour? Lazy men who expect others to look after them, not so much.

AutumnMadness · 07/12/2017 14:25

I find that plenty of men are desperate enough to get a woman that they do switch on a 'feminist demo version' at the start of the relationship. Same as plenty of men are very romantic at the start of the relationship, only to turn into couch bores once married. Life for younger people is also much simpler - pre-children, pre-house purchase, pre-aging parents, pre-more responsibility at work - so inequalities may be a lot less noticeable. Let's face it, wifework is much more than just cooking and laundry.

NameChanger22 · 07/12/2017 14:38

Abusive men are often very convincing liars.

LinoVentura · 07/12/2017 18:18

It’s a bit like saying “I don’t want a man who watches porn”. Your pool of eligible men shrinks to a minus power.

Well I don't watch porn and I'm a (46 year old) single male. Why would I? If I didn't have anything to eat I wouldn't sit in my flat reading cookery books.

In fact the only porn I've watched since being a teen was when I had a GF a few years ago and she brought a DVD to my home for us to watch together. It would have been rude to refuse.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/12/2017 18:58

@WorraLiberty "All black people eat chicken...etc" Well said.

To the general issue: I don't like this idea that people who choose to do more housework or treat their partner like children are 'enabling'. They've made a choice. If they are happy in such a relationship, fine- personally I'd hate it.

I do think there is a huge generational shift here. When my Dad comes for Christmas dinner, there will be a row, because I will insist he does some 'women's work' with me.

I don't have a single friend who would consider expressing a view like this, though I know a few people who perhaps think it. Amongst my close friends (who's domestic arrangements I'd know) the men do a majority of the housework. While I'm sure that's not the norm, I think 50/50 is on it's way- and it's certainly a choice for anyone who wants an equal relationship.

Motherbear26 · 07/12/2017 19:22

My dh is like this, and I do actually blame myself. A large number of years later and I’m hugely regretting taking the easy option and doing everything. We are having lots more arguments now as I’m finally putting my foot down but he is beginning to realise exactly what I do and things are slowly improving. Although I haven’t been able to bring myself to pass responsibility for birthday cards/presents over to him because I actually love his family and wouldn’t want them to be hurt when he forgets (which he would).

To my horror I have recently realised that I am bringing up my ds in exactly the same thoughtless way. He has chores to do on a Saturday morning, all fine, he does them. But he doesn’t do his homework/put it in his bag without me nagging. So I constantly hound him to do it. He still forgets and I write him a note excusing him with a warning not to do it again. I suddenly realised this was becoming a bad habit and I am not helping him to take responsibility for himself, so no more notes to teacher. It’s not my homework, it’s his. I should not have to chase him to complete it and hand it in on time. He has just received a detention for missing 3 homeworks this term. I feel a little guilty but I’m hoping it’s lesson learned now. I only wish I could give dh detentionsWink

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 07/12/2017 22:19

All men watch porn and you have put up with workshy men who won't change?

Dear gods, I'm not sure if you hate men or just classify them with children.

Of course I don’t hate men or see them as children. As Bertrand said earlier feminists expect men to be fully functioning adults.

What I’m saying is that it’s all very well to tell someone to LTB and find a man who does his fair share of housework, doesn’t watch porn, doesn’t mind if you keep your name, gets up with the DC etc but statistics and hundreds of MN threads tell us that those men are not as abundant as they could be.

And I’m not saying to put up with a loser. Being single is preferable to that. But LTBing isn’t an easy option, especially when you have kids.

noeffingidea · 07/12/2017 22:55

Do women never forget things then? I know I do. Didn't know it was a crime. Only on mumsnet, eh?

Sallystyle · 08/12/2017 17:03

Do women never forget things then? I know I do. Didn't know it was a crime. Only on mumsnet, eh?

Wow, your reading comprehension needs some serious work.

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