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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why women

184 replies

TenForward82 · 06/12/2017 09:43

... have to remember their work tasks, daily activities, where the kids have to be and when, what groceries need buying and what shops to get them from ...

... But a man can't even remember his fucking wallet, meaning a sick mum who has been up early has to drag herself and her toddler out to the car to drop it off for him?

/Rant

OP posts:
0hCrepe · 06/12/2017 12:51

But bless him he’ll ask if I’ve remembered my keys/purse sometimes.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2017 12:51

How many examples of The 50:50 Fallacy have we had so far? I've seen a couple on a quick scroll through.....

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 06/12/2017 12:55

Ten I forgot to take the cupcakes in for the cake sale and to ask DD which Pokemon box she wants from my aunt for Christmas, I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO REMEMBER!

And, breathe. Xmas Blush

VladmirsPoutine · 06/12/2017 12:59

This thread is a nice parallel with the other one about women not wanting or being able to find a partner.
Thank fuck I'm single.

JacquesHammer · 06/12/2017 13:00

How many examples of The 50:50 Fallacy have we had so far? I've seen a couple on a quick scroll through.....

Are you suggesting anyone who suggests they live in an equal partnership where both parties do equal is incorrect?

CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 13:02

Fuck off with the "not all men" shit, Bastard.All men do it, each and every one of them

Of course they fucking don't.

More fool OP for taking it to him. Why would you do that?

Trinity66 · 06/12/2017 13:02

BertrandRussell

What do you mean by that? That you think all women who believe that both herself and her DH pull their weight at home are either lying or deluded? That's massive assumption to make don't you think? But if it makes you happy to believe that then carry on Grin

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 06/12/2017 13:03

My DH did this once. Left his wallet in his suit jacket and at least he last minute decided to take a different suit on a work trip away. He was at the airport when he realised.

I was on mat leave at the time. Had to bundle DD into the car and drive to the (fortunately local-ish) airport to get it to him. I swore all the way there and gave him a proper earful.

He's never done it since.

I, on the other hand, forget my purse/phone/handbag/keys about once a fortnight. So I'm not really in a position to complain...

oldlaundbooth · 06/12/2017 13:04

DH cooked some pine nuts the other night for a salad.

Apparently they're the best pine nuts he's ever had.

He's cooked them once.

Guess who's cooked them for the last 8 years?

oldlaundbooth · 06/12/2017 13:07

Tbh it won't do anymore much harm to not eat lunch for one frigging day.

0hCrepe · 06/12/2017 13:11

Dh congratulated his own cooking so much once (I think it was bread rolls....not soufflé) that the dc were like errr ok dad stop being weird.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2017 13:16

"How many examples of The 50:50 Fallacy have we had so far? I've seen a couple on a quick scroll through.....

Are you suggesting anyone who suggests they live in an equal partnership where both parties do equal is incorrect?"

No. I am suggesting that many people who suggest that live in an equal partnership where both parties are equal are incorrect. Not anyone. Many people.

derxa · 06/12/2017 13:44

But a lot of them do. But you have no idea what goes on in other people's houses. My DH has to do all the domestic stuff on his own when I am elsewhere for weeks at a time. He's not unique as many have said here. I just don't get the universal contempt for men that a lot of people on MN have. I'm talking about ordinary non abusive men.
On the other hand he had a loose hem on his trousers this morning and I sewed it because he genuinely doesn't know how. Should I have said 'Fuck you!' Seriously?

CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 13:45

No. I am suggesting that many people who suggest that live in an equal partnership where both parties are equal are incorrect. Not anyone. Many people

So you know better then them if their relationship is equal or not? How does that work?

meatyLoaf · 06/12/2017 14:07

You should be ashamed OP

Boring sexism.

#notinmyname

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2017 14:13

"So you know better then them if their relationship is equal or not? How does that work?"

Because they say things like "our relationship is equal- I do all the kid stuff-he does all the grocery shopping" "I do all the cooking, he puts the bins out""I do all the cleaning, he puts up shelves"

Anatidae · 06/12/2017 14:23

The fact that a lot of our partners are functional humans isn’t really the point.

The point is that society is structured so that the default facilitated person is the male

One doesn’t cancel the other out. My husband is an equal partner in the washing up - we still find ourselves kicking against the societal expectations foisted on both of us.

Trinity66 · 06/12/2017 14:23

Because they say things like "our relationship is equal- I do all the kid stuff-he does all the grocery shopping"

omg you are actually claiming to know about other peoples relationships better than they do themselves, hilarious

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 06/12/2017 14:25

I used to say to XH before he left for work: "Money, keys, inhaler?"

DF has a list on the back of his door to remind him of things he needs to do before he leaves the house.

CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 14:31

Because they say things like "our relationship is equal- I do all the kid stuff-he does all the grocery shopping" "I do all the cooking, he puts the bins out""I do all the cleaning, he puts up shelves

It's not nearly that simplistic though, is it?

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 06/12/2017 14:51

I've so often had people saying: "Why can't DH help with getting them ready for school?" Um, because he has to leave for work at 6.30, when DD's still getting dressed and DS2 isn't even awake. Hmm

Blessyourheart · 06/12/2017 15:03

You are enabling this behaviour. Instead of staying 'that sucks, what are you going to do?' or ' I'm not taking DC out, what are you going to do?', you took the wallet. Your DH could have found another solution. If I'd forgotten my purse I'd lend money or do without. I wouldn't ask for my dh's help, not only because we are usually in different cities during the day, I wouldn't visit my carelessness on him (and he wouldn't on me).

No all men are like this. Stop being plan B.

Itsnotmesothere · 06/12/2017 15:42

Have I got this terribly wrong? I do know what people mean when they say don't enable the behaviour, I try not to enable crappy behaviour, myself. I feel uncomfortable with the term "enabling" though, isn't it just shifting the blame back on to the woman for "accepting" a man's shitty behaviour?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2017 15:50

I don't think it is,, itsnotmesothere. Take a gay couple where one partner does more than the other? If the one having to 'mop up' doesn't tackle it with their partner then they're enabling them to continue and it doesn't matter what sex they are.

LemonShark · 06/12/2017 16:25

itsme the question about enabling versus boundaries has already been discussed at length earlier in the thread. Not being snide btw, just didn't know if you realised (as your post asks a question that's already been well answered and you might want to read it)

I've just realised... when did we last hear from the OP? Got a feeling this thread will disappear soon! But for its short life I think it's been a valuable debate for all of us and hopefully interested for people reading and not taking part. The takeaway for me has been 'this is a complex social issue facilitated by the imposition of sexist norms and assumptions but women can and should demand better' 😂

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