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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers with enormous toddlers in slings...

725 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 06/12/2017 00:15

AIBU to wonder how the feck they manage?

My neighbour has just walked past my window with her son dangling in front of her like a bloody giant in a harness!

He's almost 4! No SEN and very sturdy/capable.

We live in a tiny town/village and she can drive etc....she's probably just going to the shop down the road.

Why??

OP posts:
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15
Zoomaa · 06/12/2017 07:43

Yes I'm also wondering about the PP talking about older toddlers being 3-5 yrs old!

A four year old is not a toddler!!

Sarahh2014 · 06/12/2017 07:44

Exactly! PP

Spudlet · 06/12/2017 07:44

DS is 2 but looks older due to being tall (98th centile). There’s a limit to how far he can walk. Dog is a spaniel who needs a good hour’s walk, with some training thrown in, just about every day to be anything less than a nightmare to live with. We live in the country where there are no pavements, and even the off-road pushchair struggles once it’s winter and it gets muddy. So we use the sling. Since he learned to walk, we always have a little section of the walk where he gets down and meanders along, then once he gets tired he pops back up and we’re off again. It’s a practical solution for us. It’s also given me better core strength than I think I’ve ever had, and buns of steel. Some people have said they worry about my back, but I’ve been carrying him since he was a little baby, so I’ve just got stronger as he’s grown.

We’re likely to keep using the sling for a good while yet - frankly, I don’t know what I’m going to do when he gets too heavy for it.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 06/12/2017 07:44

It’s ridiculous. Any. Hold with no SEN etc from age 2/3 can easily walk a mile or so. Seeing large toddlers in pushchairs or being carried boils by blood. They aren’t babies. No wonder so many children are overweight. It won’t kill them to walk.

IsItThursdayYet · 06/12/2017 07:44

Actually it won't hurt your back at all if they're carried properly. A 4 year old will still sit in a buggy, so why not a sling?

It's just another parenting thing where women are fucking judgemental. Get over yourselves and leave her to parent how she wants.

Zoomaa · 06/12/2017 07:47

I four year old will sit in a buggy - I'm sure a lazy ten year old will too!

Tip them out!! Grin

BankWadger · 06/12/2017 07:48

When I carried dd as a toddler my bsck muscles were very toned. I started when she was a baby and my ability to carry improved as she grew (like up weights at the gym as you improve).
I had a good carrier designed for her weight (changed as she grew), she loved it - it's way more bonding than a pushchair (which I also used) and it was good for my poor sore hips.

Buggeritimgettingup · 06/12/2017 07:48

You'd totally hoik your judgy pants up if you saw me carrying my almost five year old! He looks like a an average Joe but has cp, hydrocephalus and seizures. The cp alone exhausts him and he often has to use a wheelchair but when he needs to not walk a slingy cuddle and carry is just the job.

Lime19 · 06/12/2017 07:48

4 year olds should be walking. This is another of those selfish behaviours that benefits the mum not the baby (think those that co sleep until the kid says "I want my own bed" and breastfeeding older kids) Imagine rocking up to school for your first day in a sling. I like to encourage independence in my toddler because soon he will be going to school and I won't be there!

jannier · 06/12/2017 07:49

I work with ss and we often have to try to encourage parents to allow their children out of pushchairs and slings because the child is not getting the physical practice and gaining stamina normally developing children of 3 can walk a fair distance yet many do not allow the child to build this ability because "they are babies" or walk too slow...so yes sometimes it is other peoples business. Obviously sometimes young children are tiered or ill etc but when its always happening its limiting to the child. The trouble with judging someone you don't know is that you don't know why the child is not walking.
I've had many cases where the carrying has been more about not wanting give up on having a baby and is more for parents emotional support then child's needs.

Fuckit2017 · 06/12/2017 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spudlet · 06/12/2017 07:49

rain You’re quite right - DS can walk about a mile! I just carry him for the other three or four.

Fuckit2017 · 06/12/2017 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 07:52

@Lime19 how on earth is co sleeping and breastfeeding older children only beneficial to the mother? I'd say both are actually a bit of a hinderance on the mother.

lelapaletute · 06/12/2017 07:53

Oh my God. Suuuuucks judgy so and sos on here.

All children are different.

All mums and their backs are different.

There are obviously reasons why she believes this to be the best and most straightforward (and presumably painless) option for her.

What exactly is your problem? It clearly isn't concern for her back as surely you are aware she'll be a lot more bothered my her own back than you are so will be taking care of it. It isn't concern for her child's development as you've said he's a strapping lad who's meeting his milestones. So the only thing I can think of is you wouldn't like to do it with your child so can't see why she wants to do it with hers. Please file under Other People's Parenting Decisions: Curious But Not My Business.

You strike me as the sort of person who never stops berating breastfeeding mums to "get your body back" and "they really don't need it you know, it's just for comfort" the second the child cuts its first tooth. It's actually better and easier for her and her child (please note, for her and her child, not you and yours or all mums and all children).

Oh yes and Jakey , just fuck off. Goady spiteful sneering fucker. And no you have not 'touched a nerve' before you start, I have short hair, no greys, and never wear skirts (can't pass remark on the pear-shaped though). I agree with PPs that women who slag off other women's appearance make me despair for feminism (and just basic human niceness).

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 07:55

One of the best ways to encourage independence in a child is to be very responsive to their needs as they grow up and if a child needs and wants to co sleep and breastfeed and the Mum is happy with that then it is encouraging independence.
Can't believe you think it's selfish 😂

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 06/12/2017 07:55

Seems a bit strange if that child has no SN or disabilities. I loved my sling and used it all the time for DD, but she'd definitely outgrown it and the buggy by age 3. We didn't have a car then, so she was used to walking quite long distances. I just always allowed more time for a break and to go at her pace. She climbed her first (small!) mountain at 6, so it obviously worked well for us. I tend to think that most children are physically capable of far more than what's expected of them, but I suppose part of that is the modern dependence on cars, risk averse society etc

BankWadger · 06/12/2017 07:58

and is bad for your back.

If you use a crappy sling like a bjorn yes. But then you can hardly carry a tiny baby in one of those. I have hip/back issues and my toddler size Connecta was amazingly comfortable. My back and hips always hurt less after using it. My physio was happy for me to use it too.

If people jusged me fot carrying my 3/4 year old, yough shit to them. We didn't have a car, buses are a nightmare with a pushchair, the school and nursery run was too far for her little legs. It took seconds to put her up or down and the carrier fitted into my bag so on days out she walked and was carried. I don't judge people for driving their toddlers everwhere.

IsItThursdayYet · 06/12/2017 07:59

lelapaletute

Spot on.

IceFall · 06/12/2017 07:59

The average 4 year old is 17kg! Fair fucking play carrying that much weight.

Suppose for short walks it would be OK but I wouldn’t want much more than 12 KG on my for longer walks.

IceFall · 06/12/2017 08:00

I don't judge people for driving their toddlers everywhere

Good point!

BankWadger · 06/12/2017 08:02

(You should judge me for my lack of proof reading though Blush)

lljkk · 06/12/2017 08:05

"It won’t kill them to walk."

No, but I might try to kill them considering how slow & dawdly they can be. Wink Especially on the mile walk back, sigh.

Dowser · 06/12/2017 08:12

My daughter never used a problem always used slings
I’ve seen her with a toddler in a sling on her back and a baby on the front in a sling
She’s size 8 and built like a whippet

Dowser · 06/12/2017 08:13

Pram

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