Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers with enormous toddlers in slings...

725 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 06/12/2017 00:15

AIBU to wonder how the feck they manage?

My neighbour has just walked past my window with her son dangling in front of her like a bloody giant in a harness!

He's almost 4! No SEN and very sturdy/capable.

We live in a tiny town/village and she can drive etc....she's probably just going to the shop down the road.

Why??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 06/12/2017 03:43

...they have carried a lot before and maybe are stronger. I just think that it could be harmful.

I don't imagine this mum has never used a sling before and just picked up one now her child is 4 so her muscles will have gradually built up to it.

With a decent carrier you will be holding your child ergonomically - and in a similar shape to how you'd naturally carry them in-arms. I can still manage my 6 year old in a piggy back and using a preschool sling is even easier. We only do it messing about, and when she specifically asks, and she wouldn't want any of her mates to see her nowadays! My 3.5 yo sometimes gets in the sling on the way back from preschool on a Friday. My DDs can do 4 mile hikes, but sometimes they don't want to be independent, and I personally think that's ok.

noenergy · 06/12/2017 04:25

That would just look weird. I thought they were for babies. Couldn't imagine putting my DS age 4 who is in reception in one or my DD age 3 who is in pre school.
It would break my back.

Would be ok if there is SN but otherwise it'd just wrong we should be teaching our kids independence

SandLand · 06/12/2017 04:37

I don't use a sling, but I carried a friends 5 yr old back from the playground the other night when he'd fallen and scraped his knees quite badly. Are people saying I shouldn't be physically capable of carrying a child that age, with or without a sling? Or just concerned about long term use?
I could carry my (slight) 8 yrs old the same distance (about 5 mins) if i needed to, I reckon.

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 04:44

I carried my 3yo nephew (he's tall for his age and heavy) the 15 minute walk home from nursery a couple of weeks ago as he was tired and upset. I wish I'd had a bloody sling!

HuskyMcClusky · 06/12/2017 04:47

Are people saying I shouldn't be physically capable of carrying a child that age, with or without a sling?

I’m physically capable of it. I wouldn’t do it long-term because I doubt it’s good for my back or the child.

prettypaws · 06/12/2017 04:49

I find it surprising that a parent could still genuinely believe that positive attachment behaviours leads to clingy children and dependant adults, despite decades of research telling us the absolute opposite.

Preschool carriers were great for my then 2-4 year olds invisible disability. Despite looking very strong, active and boisterous it could be very difficult to cope at times and slinging saved the day. It also greatly helped with self regulation and proprioceptive feedback so much that my child greatly overcome their condition. Without it I don't think I'd have a happy child today able to whizz round on a scooter and play games and sports.

When ill and on crutches and with severe spinal issues and no car I was so thankful for wraps and slinging. It helped my back enormously, maybe I should have another to build me up again Grin

ourkidmolly · 06/12/2017 04:55

I don't think it's weird. Children have the rest of their lives to be independent and a small window to develop strong attachment. We know that strong attachments build the most independent and resilient adults.
As for the comments that from Jakey, horrible and derogatory. When women put other women down like that it makes me sick. Wtf is wrong with a few greys?

HuskyMcClusky · 06/12/2017 04:58

Oh, I don’t think it’ll harm the child in an attachment sense. More that they should be running around getting the exercise at that age.

Florrieboo · 06/12/2017 05:29

I just love a thread full of "should's" My daughter is 5, when she was 4 I still often carried her, and until she was about 3.5 I never used a pushchair at all. Not a grey hair in sight for the one who suggested it. She was and is very independent and carrying her was generally for convenience and comfort, and we had some of the best conversations ever with her in that sling.

Bowerbird5 · 06/12/2017 05:30

Goodness me!
I can't imagine carrying some of these children. It must be storing up problems for mum's backs and hips but my children wouldn't have wanted to be carried at that age anyway.(3&4) we carried them in from the car if they were sleepy but I can't remember carrying them at three. We took a back pack style carrier for our daughter (2 1/2) once as we were taking her brother's for a long walk and picnic. She wouldn't go in it and only gave in for two brief spells insisting. " I walk!" At 2 1/2 she walked from Glenridding to Howtown the length of Ullswater about 8 miles. We had a picnic half way and she was up and wanting to go as soon as she had eaten. We never bothered taking the back pack after that.
She is still a keen walker and like a gazelle up the fells. She goes a few times a year with her eldest brother who is walking the Wainwrights.

Plasticgold · 06/12/2017 05:33

How often do you see people giving their 2-5 year olds a piggy back or a shoulder carry if they're tired? My 4yo often goes on her dads shoulders for a bit if we're walking a distance. Surely a sling is just a hands free version. My one year old is in the sling at some point most days, I'm fed up with people asking 'isn't he a bit big for that now?' Or 'how's your back with all that weight?'

He's not too heavy, my sling is ergonomic and well designed. I've never had any back pain.

lljkk · 06/12/2017 05:35

"3 and 4 year olds shouldn't be being babied like this! They should be walking"

Most people jump in the car instead. Nobody tuts at an adult who shoves them in car instead to get places.

Itsjustaphase84 · 06/12/2017 05:37

I've never thought 'I wish I had my sling for my 3yo'. We barely use the pushchair these days Confused. I don't understand why you would need one tbh.

comfyshoelady · 06/12/2017 05:41

I suppose this is similar to why have an older child in a buggy thing, sometimes it's just easier than a whining child. I loved having mine in a sling, though had to stop around 2.5.

claraschu · 06/12/2017 05:47

Child must be doing well if, to quote the OP at 1:09:42: "he's massive...tall and strong looking...speaks well".
Mum's back must be doing well if she can carry a 4-year-old around with ease.
She is obviously doing something right.

What an unpleasant and stupid comment from Jakeyboy: "And they all look the same... long hair with grey roots, pear shaped, long skirt. 😂 it's a sisterhood I've not entered, must be so bad for the back!"

Zaccheryquack · 06/12/2017 05:50

It's probably a toddler carrier. I have one I use to back carry my 2.5 year old. Really useful at this stage where she wants to walk everywhere but gets tired and does not want to walk home. A lot easier than managing a toddler whilst pushing an empty buggy. My husband does pop her on the front but I find it much more comfy to have her on the back. Works for us - am aware some people may find it unusual. Don't care!

HuskyMcClusky · 06/12/2017 05:52

2.5 is a bit different to ‘almost 4’, though!

Zaccheryquack · 06/12/2017 05:53

Also - I am pear shaped, have long hair and do gave a few greys coming through at the front (not been to the hairdresser for a few months!) Confused

Zaccheryquack · 06/12/2017 05:54

Yes - you'require right. Hopefully she will walk everywhere by then!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 06/12/2017 06:03

If they are on your back in a good toddler sling, it's like wearing a rucksack, perfectly comfortable. Do you worry about the backs of women who carry a rucksack? No?

When you see a child in a car do you say "but they should be walking, getting exercise, they should be independent". I live in London and those who carry toddlers in slings are people who walk everywhere. Their toddlers get lots of exercise walking, but yes they do get tired eventually, or sometimes the parent needs to walk at adult pace. A sling is easier than a buggy and encourages walking, nothing like an empty pram being pushed along to tempt a toddler to jump in! Sling can be folded away and parent is hands free to supervise toddler e.g. walking next to busy road. What do you suggest they do, do we all have to drive to avoid criticism of grey roots? Or does their toddler need to walk or scooter literally everywhere, even when they are in a hurry and toddler tired from walking all morning?

Carrying on the front I do find surprising, as much easier on the back at that age. Maybe she isn't confident at back carries.

I find it odd this concerns people. Would they bat an eyelid at mums who drive their children to the local school because they get tired walking/ walk too slowly? That seems to be the generally acceptable way of transporting a tired child, I see it all the time, but is obviously environmentally harmed and discourages others walking by making roads busier.

Bowerbird5 · 06/12/2017 06:07

2.5 is a lot different to four year old
I agree and the four year olds on school trips are surprised when we don't carry them. Imagine 26 Reception children wanting carried!

I'm interested in the type of sling used as mine couldn't fit in the ones I had after 12-18 mths. Are they using a piece of fabric and interesting folding techniques?

Jaggythistle · 06/12/2017 06:16

Ok I'll bite...

And they all look the same... long hair with grey roots, pear shaped, long skirt. 😂 it's a sisterhood I've not entered, must be so bad for the back!

#1 fuck you jakey. zero percent of that describes me. This thread really does have all the judgy, sneery clichés. 😡

#2 if you almost always use a sling or carrier instead of a buggy you build up your muscles.
If you've 3dc to take on a school run it's much easier to carry the baby/ toddler imo and have hands free. Also as the toddler gets bigger we carry on way to school so we can walk faster than their little legs, then they come out to walk home.

#3 neither babies or toddlers/ preschoolers are carried 24 hours a day. They learn to walk fine and are generally not more clingy at all. If anything the one i used the pram for was the least confident.

#4 big kids normally only get carried when tired on holiday/ on a long day out/ if they're poorly etc. Or just for fun if they ask.

You can stick a sling/ carrier in your bag for when a toddler gets tired and then they go up for a nap and they walk the rest of the day.

Anyway it's all quite flexible and not a big deal. The dc seem to quite like being up high.

My back is fine thanks. A properly designed carrier for bigger toddlers means they feel almost weightless even for a long walk.

ElizaDontlittle · 06/12/2017 06:19

But Husky do you transport your child in a car? Or not, because "they should be walking at that age"? I think many parents without or with cars use slinging of toddlers with back carrying instead of a car not instead of playing, scooting, and running around. Certainly that's my experience anyway.

schnubbins · 06/12/2017 06:20

I gave up carrying my second son pretty early.He was a very big baby and always just sort of hung there like a dead weight.He weighed 12kgs at one year. I often wonder about this schlepping of kids too and how backs hold out.I stopped picking my son up at 3 yrs of age because I had a slipped disc.I explained that to him and he understood.

Jaggythistle · 06/12/2017 06:21

@bowerbird5

Yes a wrap sling can work well as it can adapt to any size kid. It does take more practise though :)

If you Google "toddler tula" this is the sort of thing. Sturdy waist band and shoulder straps. Really comfy. You can get pre school size carriers too.

Back carrying is definitely easier though, but fickle toddlers sometimes want on the front for a cuddle!