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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH won't change DD's nappies

166 replies

Snakeysnakesnake · 04/12/2017 21:45

I've had a huge argument with DH this evening as he won't change our 4 month old dd's nappies. He will "help" me do them (hold her legs in the air while I wipe) but he won't do them on his own. I had a bath this evening and dd did a poo, and DH came up to tell me I need to get out of the bath to change the nappy! I said no way, he's her parent too and should be able to change them, but he went off in a mood and didn't change her (I had to do it when I got out of the bath). I was so angry at him, and told him that it's unhygienic to leave her like that not to mention uncomfortable for her. He said he just doesn't feel comfortable changing her and having to wipe up the poo that gets into all the little crevices. I think he's being ridiculous and totally U. Or is this really not a big deal and I should let it go and accept I will be the nappy changer forever?

OP posts:

Bluesrunthegame · 05/12/2017 20:33

Just read he's asked for a demonstration so he can do it in future, don't know how I missed that and very glad he's had a word with himself.

Domani · 06/12/2017 03:39

OP, so sorry that I brought my skewed way of thinking into your thread. Who would have thought pooey nappies could be so controversial? Glad to see dh has come to his senses, good luck to him with the nappies, especially the ones that come at the most inopportune moments!

Domani · 06/12/2017 03:50

And BoardGame, thank you for being so understanding

BitchQueen90 · 06/12/2017 06:59

Glad to see he's stepped up OP.

The "confidence" thing is still a pretty poor excuse. I am a single parent to a DS and you just need to get stuck in and do it! If you're choosing to have DC then learning these basic necessities is essential.

nannybeach · 06/12/2017 12:04

Snakey, there are some strange folk out there, advising you to throw your DH out because he doesnt change poo y napies, you put the same as me, dog poo makes my DH retch too, lots of things do. He has a hyper acute sense of smell, I was nursing a million years, so dont take notice of lots of smells. I came from work one morning (DD long since grown up, babies of her own) he was downstairs, tea cloth over his face, one of our dogs had had diarrhoea in the bedroom room, he had to flee.He assured me I would be sick, I assured him I wouldnt!

MikeUniformMike · 06/12/2017 12:07

Girl's bits are weird?

DeleteOrDecay · 06/12/2017 12:47

For goodness sake he's being ridiculous.

Why is it that men need women to sit and show them how to change a nappy? Who shows us women? We usually just have to wing it. It's pathetic really.

I'm glad he's stepped up op but really, he's spent the last 4 months avoiding it. There's no excuse for that.

LollaLaLuna · 06/12/2017 13:36

I think he just wasn't sure how to do it properly and was also bit stressed by it. I know it's sound silly to every woman but mens are really bit unsure a scared of all this girly things. When my twins were babies, have boy and girl, my dh was too bit scared and unsure about changing our dd,but I tried to show him and explain him everything properly and simply ( mentioned that if he doesn't change her regularly there's risk of nappy rash and inner infection) and that he have to know how to do it,because if anything happened to me, he will the only one who will have to take care of them for a while. He was just very careful about her, but learned everything and did well and I tried to not doing a big deal of it, which was also helpful.😉

specialsubject · 06/12/2017 13:46

Good news ,he has asked for a demo. Like real people do when they don't know how to do something.

Revolting nappies are the deal when you remove the condom.

DeleteOrDecay · 06/12/2017 15:59

I don't get all this "it's scary for men" stuff.

Most women aren't scared of changing boys nappies, and even if they're unsure they just have to get stuck in and learn. It's a cop out argument.

PoorYorick · 06/12/2017 19:25

I can understand why a man might be unsure of things like how 'deep' to clean a girl, and be worried about accidentally pushing poo into her vagina rather than cleaning it out. It's not an excuse to never do it but it's a fair reason to ask for a bit of help and guidance the first few times. And it doesn't mean he thinks there's anything weird or wrong with baby girls' genitals.

shhhfastasleep · 06/12/2017 19:34

Tell him vaginas are pretty good at cleaning themselves and to give dd a bath if he is worried about a big messy poo.
And tell he won't get wee flying all over the place as he may get changing a boy.

Parker231 · 06/12/2017 19:56

Why should a father be more scared of changing a nappy than a mother? You just get on with it! I’m seeing this as his excuse to avoid his share of nappy changing duties. Doesn’t look like he is shaping up to be a good father.

Halfdrankbrew · 06/12/2017 20:53

Our daughter poo'd (all over me) as soon as she was born, my husband had to clean her up as I was otherwise engaged. He got on with it and worked it out for himself, he had no choice but to get stuck in! He's never refused to change either of our children, we have 2 under 2 so there are a lot of shitty nappies in this house!

Your husband needs to man up and start pulling his weight. What if you wanted to go out without the baby, would he just leave her in her own mess?

LemonShark · 06/12/2017 21:13

I like the end of this thread. OP and her husband worked it out and will hopefully have figured this out going forward. Yes it sucks he got away with it for four months but you can't change the past, what's important now is how you manage going into the future.

I kinda can see his point, the first time I changed my nephews I felt seriously weird. I wasn't sure how to do it or how thorough to be. Having no kids of my own yet, I know it sounds weird but I felt like I was touching them inappropriately and was really nervous/awkward about going into crevices, properly touching their genitals. My stepmom showed me what to do and encouraged me to just get stuck in. That helped.

I imagine if feeling even more strange for some men with a female child, when our society is (rightly) so focused on men that abuse children rather than women, so however strange I felt as a woman I'm not surprised if it's amplified for some men with daughters. I know some men don't care but we're all different.

Everyone is totally right that he needs to do it and there's no excuse, but I don't think it hurts to consider why he may have had this problem and just label him as lazy instead. As previous posters have pointed out, changing a baby's nappy does sometimes feel really odd and invasive/inappropriate until you build confidence and get used to it! Nobody gives women slack so men shouldn't get it either. But I doubt it's a super uncommon response to nappies from first time parents of either gender.

ferntwist · 06/12/2017 21:57

No excuses, HIBU. Show him this thread

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