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Original poster

DH won't change DD's nappies

166 replies

Snakeysnakesnake · 04/12/2017 21:45

I've had a huge argument with DH this evening as he won't change our 4 month old dd's nappies. He will "help" me do them (hold her legs in the air while I wipe) but he won't do them on his own. I had a bath this evening and dd did a poo, and DH came up to tell me I need to get out of the bath to change the nappy! I said no way, he's her parent too and should be able to change them, but he went off in a mood and didn't change her (I had to do it when I got out of the bath). I was so angry at him, and told him that it's unhygienic to leave her like that not to mention uncomfortable for her. He said he just doesn't feel comfortable changing her and having to wipe up the poo that gets into all the little crevices. I think he's being ridiculous and totally U. Or is this really not a big deal and I should let it go and accept I will be the nappy changer forever?

OP posts:
EnidColeslaw771 · 04/12/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatHippyDippyShit · 04/12/2017 22:09

Please never have anymore children with this man

QuestionableMouse · 04/12/2017 22:10

I feel awkward about changing my nephew's nappy.

TheLegendOfBeans · 04/12/2017 22:10

I've never ever heard of a woman feeling awkward about changing a boys nappy

Let me introduce myself then Grin

I was cack handed with changing DS in a way I never was with DD as basically meat and veg are foreign territory to me; I used to accidentally “pinch” his scrotum when I was having to quickly clean the poops off at speed to try and avoid him weeing all over himself.

Anyway, it was only around week 3 I felt I was getting to grips with things...feeling comfortable doing it in other words.

Let’s not impose a sinister bent onto what I suspect is a “lazy shite” situation.

Bambamber · 04/12/2017 22:12

I can kind of understand because my husband didn't know the best way to clean up our baby girl and felt uncomfortable thoroughly cleaning her genitals. Should have seen his panic when she had a little discharge. So I showed him how to clean her up properly in a way he felt comfortable with. Now he has no excuse. He still whines but I remind how dangerous it would be if poo was left around the genitals, And ask him how he would feel if he was left in a shitty nappy. Don't let him get away with it, but do a fool proof step by step instruction so he has no excuses

TammySwansonTwo · 04/12/2017 22:12

When I was pg my DH said he was terrified of changing shitty nappies and didn't think he'd be able to do it. I quickly told him he had little choice. What would happen to your daughter if you refused to do it? He can't just pick and choose which bits he does. I've had this issue with my DH in other areas and didn't address it early enough and it's led to a lot of issues - don't let this go.

DiegoMadonna · 04/12/2017 22:14

I presumed crevices just meant all the folds of skin around a chubby babies groin and legs. Maybe I'm being naive though!

I mean, it's hard to give advice because this is a bizarre situation really. How has he not changed a nappy for 4 months without you already losing it at him? Was he a lazy/selfish dick before you had a baby with him?

It's not normal and it's not acceptable. Sort him out, however it is that you need to do that.

donajimena · 04/12/2017 22:15

I had two boys so when I changed my niece I wasn't too confident. I still got on with it though. He needs to get a grip.

Chaosofcalm · 04/12/2017 22:15

It is perfectly normal to be apprehensive or unsure how to change a nappy.

It is NOT normal to leave your baby sitting in poo and expect your partner to do all the work.

You need to show him how to do, then be on hand while he does it a few times and then he needs to get on with it.

LaContessaDiPlump · 04/12/2017 22:15

I've only had boys but it seemed to me like it would be easier to change their nappies than a girl's one. My two tended to do horrible poos that invaded every crevice, and I remember thinking that at least with them I knew I'd got it all, whereas with a girl there would be more folds to negotiate and more potential that I'd miss something. I only ever changed nappies of one girl and that was my sister when I was 7, so admittedly my memories are somewhat rusty Grin

LaContessaDiPlump · 04/12/2017 22:16

Sorry, neglected to answer the op: your H is being a dick.

PoorYorick · 04/12/2017 22:16

I have heard of men being unsure of how 'deep' to go in to wipe girls, so I could understand if he just needs a bit of supervised practise and help. If this is the issue, it should be entirely fixable. If it's just that he's too much of a bloody wimp to deal with a nappy, my God, he needs to find his cojones.

Glumglowworm · 04/12/2017 22:17

Yanbu

I can understand him not automatically knowing. I would be unsure the first time I changed a nappy too.

But he presumably chose to have a baby. And part of being a parent is changing nappies.

I would have him do it with you there to instruct. And then he should change as many as possible til he’s comfortable with it!

Most of the men I work with who have babies and small children do at least one day of solo childcare per week, I’m 100% sure this includes nappy changing! (Plus their fair share of nappies when both parents are home) real fathers change nappies.

InDubiousBattle · 04/12/2017 22:17

Give me strength.

Tell him he has to do it. Leaving his child sat in a dirty nappy until you're there is just ridiculous.

ollsbolls · 04/12/2017 22:17

No, you are not being unreasonable.

If he's weirded out because he doesn't want to come into contact with your daughter's 'crevices' (I presume he means her vulva?), well, that's his issue, and he needs to get over it.

If it's nothing to do with you having a daughter and he just doesn't want to change a nappy... well, seriously mate, sort your literal (kid's) shit out.

BuzzKillington · 04/12/2017 22:20

What a pathetic idiot.

Do not put up with this for another minute.

outabout · 04/12/2017 22:21

He is being ridiculous tell him to get on with it.

RedForFilth · 04/12/2017 22:22

Leaving a baby in a dirty nappy like that is neglect. I'm sorry but there's no other word for it. No way could I stay with someone like that as I'd have already lost respect for him.

Atticusss · 04/12/2017 22:25

Oh gosh, that's really sad. I'm optimistically presuming it's anxiety about doing it wrong rather than being lazy, but to not have asked and learnt by watching you by 4 months is inexcusable. 4 days tops. If he holds her legs while you do it, how has he not figured it out? This will really effect their relationship.

Originalfoogirl · 04/12/2017 22:27

Is he generally hands on and this is yet another thing he doesn’t do? Or is he pretty 50/50 except for that? Mr Foo went through a phase of finding stinky nappies made him sick. He would avoid if he could but would proper boak at it if he had to do it, especially as it tended to happen right after dinner. He did everything else with her just not that and I was happy to give him a pass as it didn’t bother me to do it. I, on the other hand, cannot deal with sick at all, so that’s his job as it doesn’t bother him. Our girl still needs her bum wiped if she has poo and he’s ok with that.

If it’s a general just not being helpful thing that need sorting, but if it is only nappies, find out whether it’s a girl issue and help him, or if it’s a poo issue, cut him a little slack. Agree you’ll do them generally but let you have a bath FFS!

Ithastobeheinz · 04/12/2017 22:29

My dp tried that one.
He was quickly told to get a grip and change our dds nappy.
I had 4 boys before I had dd and I had to learn how to change dds nappy so he could to.
She is now 2 and he doesn’t bat an eyelid he just does it.

AdoraBell · 04/12/2017 22:30

Tell him to man the fuck up and care for his child.

If he doesn’t then stop doing something, maybe cooking food for him or washing his clothes.

Xihha · 04/12/2017 22:31

I'd be quite concerned about him being that weird about nappy changing tbh. I mean no one likes changing nappies, not going to lie I was pretty happy whenever DD did her stinky ones while with DH. I can understand not being sure how, but if hes been 'helping' you he has seen how so there is absolutely no excuse for not changing her while you were in the bath. Shes 4 months old, has he really never changed her nappy?

Willow2017 · 04/12/2017 22:34

Tell him he helped make her so he gets to parent her too.
What an arse, pitiful excuse. Nobody actually likes to clean up explosive baby poo, its just a fact of life.

(alternatively scrape his arse with sandpaper while he is sleeping and see how he likes the feel of burning skin from neglect Wink)

Iloveacurry · 04/12/2017 22:34

He needs to do it! Is he expecting that you’ll never leave your child with him until she’s in knickers and can wipe her own bum?!

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