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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meghan and Harry don't look right together

367 replies

bungle99 · 04/12/2017 18:32

I was in small shop earlier with only 4 of us in their. I am a regular customer.
I heard a member of staff who was serving another customer talking about Meghan and Harry and staff member said they don't really look right together and that she's not an English Rose like Kate Middleton. I was really shocked by this because 1) that people of my generation actually think like this (middle age) 2) that she admitted this view out loud knowing i could actually hear it (i'm not white). I was only 3 feet away.

AIBU to think that this was a racist comment and that most white people do not think like this ? Please restore my faith Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Tippz · 05/12/2017 13:17

I don't get the people saying he 'isn't in her league.' What's that even MEAN? Attractiveness isn't always about having traditional 'physical' good looks (a la Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio, David Beckham.) Many men are attractive to women for various reasons.To say he is punching above his weight is stupid.

Maybe SHE is punching above her weight because she is less intelligent and a lower class than him. I am not saying this is so, but saying Harry is punching above his weight because she is 'soooo pretty' is just as insulting as saying SHE is punching, because she is a lower class than him, and less intelligent. If you wouldn't say that, (about her,) then don't say he is punching above his weight, because he is (supposedly) not as good looking as her.

Good looks are wholly subjective anyway. Some people think George Clooney is super hot; I don't see it at ALL, and IMO, he is a 5 out of 10.

Furthermore, it's not unusual to see a couple where the man isn't as physically attractive as the woman. It is odd when you see a very handsome man and a plain or physically unattractive woman though. There's a couple who live in my street (mid 20's,) he looks like Harry Styles and has a slim and fit body, and she looks like Mary from Coronation street, has a very soft chin, and is about a size 18-20.

Re an earlier comment on here, I do agree it's a pity she has to give up her acting career. Don't see why she should really.

As much as I like her though - and them together, personally, I will give this marriage 7 years. I don't think it will last. At all. It's a whirlwind romance, they are smitten with each other; her because he is a Royal and she loves everything 'Briddish,' and him because she is an energetic, excitable, and endearing American woman. The novelty will wear off after several years. For both of them.

SleightOfMind · 05/12/2017 13:18

This thread is full of loons!
Several mixed race posters: ‘It makes me feel uncomfortable when people comment on how attractive mixed race children are. It’s not meant maliciously so I don’t say anything but it wears me down.’

Loons: ‘I think it’s a nice thing to say so I’m going to carry on doing it, even though I now know it makes people unhappy.’

Bloody hell people!

Original poster
bungle99 · 05/12/2017 13:20

TheFaerieQueene yes i agree about not being keen on the phrase 'English Rose'.

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 13:25

Sleight - but all mixed race children look the same, don't you know, regardless of races or genetics or anything else?!? Hmm

I was, however, pleased to read a study saying that mixed race people are now seen as the most successful and attractive by British people though - we've come a long way considering how mixed race people were historically treated by society in this country.

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8618606.stm

www.theguardian.com/society/2011/oct/04/mixed-race-britain-social-history

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/12/2017 13:30

Of course their comments are racist

Basically saying like should stay with like. That he is marrying a divorced American is bad enough that future royal children in line to the throne are not going to be white European is too much for some and they will mask their racism with comments like she hasn’t been bought up knowing how to deal with the royal family (appears intelligent enough to understand that her life will drastically change) , she won’t know what is expected of her (hardly difficult to understand and she may not go along with everything, like Diana didn’t) and will make life difficult for him (I’m sure he will compromise)

They look like two people very much in love and incredibly happy with each other

Original poster
bungle99 · 05/12/2017 13:35

They look like two people very much in love and incredibly happy with each other

  • yes absolutely. I wish them all the luck and happiness in the world. It doesn't matter if one of them is better looking than the other , or if one of them is a divorcee, or if one of them is mixed race, or not English. It's actually none of our business.
OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/12/2017 13:36

And as for the nice comments it’s othering it may not be intentionally racist and come from a place of hatred or superiority but it is still othering

telling me when I was child I was pretty as i was mixed (white/Asian) was also telling me watered down brown genes are better than brown genes as I was under no illusion that white was superior the media, childrends stories, films, tv and dolls informed me of that

Tippz · 05/12/2017 13:36

@Sleightofmind
Several mixed race posters: ‘It makes me feel uncomfortable when people comment on how attractive mixed race children are. It’s not meant maliciously so I don’t say anything but it wears me down.’

Loons: I'm gonna do it anyway...)

Many people get comments about their physical appearance, not just mixed race people.. Fat people, thin people, tall people, short people, very pale people, mixed race people, ginger-haired people, people with glasses, dark skinned people. Etc etc....

Having comments they don't like much is not exclusive to mixed race people, (or people with mixed race children.) Most people have to tolerate comments about their physical appearance - some on a regular basis.

If it's just random throwaway comments that are made with no intention of being malicious (like most comments are,) they need to stop letting it bug them, stop griping about it, and suck it up, like everyone else has to.

FFS, there are far more serious things in life to worry about, than someone saying your mixed race children are cute! Hmm

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 13:40

Enthusiasm - that's a very interesting insight. Could I ask - if you had spent your childhood in Asia, do you think you would still have received the same messages? Is it just in places like the UK with a majority white population where children who aren't 100% white can have that thrust upon them, or do you think it happens globally too? If you think that's a stupid or rude question I do apologise - I want to learn so I don't say stupid things to people even if they are well intentioned!

Humpsfor20yards · 05/12/2017 13:44

Having comments they don't like much is not exclusive to mixed race people

Has anyone said that it was? Ever?

I agree with sleight. 'Loons' is quite generous really.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/12/2017 13:47

Even more so as in many parts of Asia certainly where my father is from fair skin is seen as superior

I look more Southern European colouring but in the 70’s very white area I grew up in I looked different (especially in the summer) I didn’t want to be different I also became aware that I veils get more attention than my Asian cousins I didn’t understand why and this is from the Asian side of my family too

Original poster
bungle99 · 05/12/2017 13:47

@Rebeccaslicker - in some parts of Asia the fairer skinned you are, the more attractive you are considered to be. I believe this originates from the British occupying parts of Asia. Quite often hear "she/he is fair" as being a good thing, and "he/she is dark" in a negative tone. Even been told not to go in the sun too much cos might get darker (which is bad) Sad.

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/12/2017 13:48

I would get ....

badabing36 · 05/12/2017 13:53

I wouldn't change places with Meghan for all the money in the world. But she seems strong and capable and happy so good luck to her.

KeatingsKids · 05/12/2017 13:56

Me neither, but good luck to her. Harry is punching though Grin

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 13:59

Urgh that's so wrong. I had read that being fairer skinned was seen as more desirable but I wasn't sure if that was still the case in 2017 or if it was still very prevalent Sad

user1495451339 · 05/12/2017 14:04

They are both beautiful people, if you look at them together they look very similar in terms of face, eyes, nose and mouth shape. Either way both gorgeous - no one is punching (hate that phrase!).

FireCracker2 · 05/12/2017 14:28

I don't get the people saying he 'isn't in her league.

He is waaaaaay above her league.He is royal and belongs t one of the richest families in the world. She is a 36 year old divorced American actress

GingerbreadMa · 05/12/2017 14:39

Yeah but fire cracker she claims to have no prior awareness of the british royal family Hmm she just liked him cause hes "kind"....

GingerbreadMa · 05/12/2017 14:43

I happened to think he is HOT!!!
But I still dont buy that she didnt even think/know about the prince thing when they dated
Also didnt buy that he had no idea that she had any status in the US. He didnt pick her up on POV or in a bar she was waitressing at....he knew she was "someone"...

GingerbreadMa · 05/12/2017 14:46

The whole interview was such contrived bullshit from both of them "we're just so ORDINARY. Just a regular couple"
No you're not.

gobster · 05/12/2017 14:52

Doesn’t English Rose also imply a ladylike demeanour too?

Could be be they thought she was a bit too glamourous and Hollywood compare to Kate’s more reserved demeanour?

Surely anything could be twisted to sound racist in comparing the two

This sparked quite a lively debate in our house last night, and even after watching all of suits my DP was confused about why race would be an issue when comparing Megan and Kate, hadn’t even dawned on him

Not everyone does make judgements based on skin in may be her attitude etc

GingerbreadMa · 05/12/2017 15:00

No. English Rose is a european/caucasian look. Stop reaching.

Original poster
bungle99 · 05/12/2017 16:10

@gobster considering the woman said "they don't look right together" - when announcing their engagement how did Meghan look more glamourorous/more Hollywood and less reserved than Kate ? Kate is pretty glamorous. I don't think Meghan was dressed up as if she was attending a red carpet do in Hollywood. Didn't she have a mac on ?
That's great that race didn't enter your husbands head after watching suits. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that.

OP posts:
gobster · 05/12/2017 16:39

Ha funny that people tell me to stop reaching, but isn't that what everyone else is doing, hearing a comment and interpreting it through their eyes.

English rose doesn't describe all white women, but yes its a type.

Unless you fully understand the context she meant it then personally I think it just as reaching to say its a racist comment.

If she meant it because she isn't white then christ yes I couldn't agree more that the speaker is a racist twat