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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving toddler in car

371 replies

rabbitsdontlayeggs · 03/12/2017 10:38

Please settle this disagreement for me and my DH!

Leaving toddler (20 months) in the car while you go and pay for petrol. Would you do it? I would not (unless I was using pay at the pump, then I wouldn't get her out as I'd be stood right next to the car) but DH says he would and has. I'm horrified that he's left her and have said I really don't want him to do that again, he thinks I am ridiculous and 'it's only for two minutes'.

Who is UR?

OP posts:
K0729P · 04/12/2017 12:46

Child left in the car.

Petrol stations are fast becoming one of these places where people just want to get petrol and get out again (especially with pay at pump available). If it was a busy period of the day and I noticed the car in front getting their child in and out of the car for the sake of possibly a minute or two paying for their fuel I'd think they were idiots.

seafoodeatit · 04/12/2017 12:48

Pay at pump nearby means we don't have to and longer trips always have two adults in the car, I'm too chicken to leave them though if I was on my own, can't drive yet so not a choice for me but if they were sleeping I might be tempted.

Dustysparrow · 04/12/2017 12:48

I never left my DD alone in the car while paying for petrol until she was about 7 years old - it was the stranger danger thing which worried me. I have read stories of cars being stolen from petrol station forecourts with a child in the back and then child being dumped later at the roadside (though it's doubtful anyone would want to steal my nissan micra!). I just couldn't have her out of my sight in a public place, but that's my anxiety probably. I had a dream about 2 nights ago that I lost her in a crowd in a busy high street and she got abducted, so there you go, I guess I have some subliminal panic about losing her.

My DH on the other hand was leaving her alone in the car from a young age without telling me.

IamPickleRick · 04/12/2017 12:49

I leave mine in the car. Should an accident happen the car provides the protection that being in my arms in middle of a forecourt doesn't.

Also, I have a 15 months gap between mine. The eldest needs to be restrained as he's a bolter, so what would I do if he pegged it across the forecourt while I am carrying a baby in a car seat... I tend to look at the "will probably happen" outcomes instead of the "is a faint possibility but extremely unlikely" outcome.

Dustysparrow · 04/12/2017 12:49

I know that because she would snitch on him Grin

user21 · 04/12/2017 12:49

I cannot get my head around this madness of not leaving children in cars when you pay for fuel.

NKFell · 04/12/2017 12:51

I have 4 DCs- I leave them in the car at petrol stations and keep an eye on them through the window, keep the keys with me.

The idea of me having to take them with me makes me shudder- plus I doubt I'd be very popular!

user21 · 04/12/2017 12:51

I have also left mine whilst I pop into shop and delivered eldest to nursery.

I don’t think I could have coped without doing this!

Trinity66 · 04/12/2017 12:52

I never left my DD alone in the car while paying for petrol until she was about 7 years old

See imo a 7 year old alone in a car is more likely to do something like accidentally leave the handbrake off or get out of the car and get hit by another car etc. Atleast a baby is strapped in a car seat and can't go anywhere or hit against something they shouldn't

RandomUsernameHere · 04/12/2017 12:53

I've always left them in the car when paying for fuel. I lock the doors and make sure I can see the car at all times. My friend's DH who is a police officer said this is fine.

MadamPatti · 04/12/2017 12:53

If a child could choke / escape from straps when you’re in the kiosk they could do it when you’re driving.

MissDuke · 04/12/2017 12:56

Personally I don't ever leave mine alone in the car. None of mine have ever been 'bolters' so this was never a concern - I wonder if that is because they weren't left and therefore learned from the start how to walk holding hands across a forecourt? Or maybe it was good luck, who knows! I wouldn't say this is due to anxiety or any of the other accusations made in previous posts, but just a mindset, to me you just don't leave children alone in cars. I don't really give it much thought, instinct just tells me you don't do it.

Iwantamarshmallow · 04/12/2017 12:57

i wouldnt do it and I asked my dh not to do it.

TheLegendOfBeans · 04/12/2017 12:59

Nine out of ten times - no. I know the risks of something occurring are so so low but just no. It’s daft but it’s my fear of them getting pinched.

I do spend quite a lot of time in the remite Scottish highlands though where there’s literally one pump and you can park right up to the window. Next time we will be there chances are I’ll leave both in the car because there’s nobody about and also everyone knows everyone!

QuizzlyBear · 04/12/2017 13:02

Always astonished when this comes up! I've never ever seen someone bring a toddler into a petrol station IRL, yet on Mumsnet it's apparently verging on child abuse to leave them safely strapped into a locked vehicle which is visible at all times 😏

My eldest is 13 and neither of my kids have even been inside a petrol station. Shockingly, they survived the experience...

splendide · 04/12/2017 13:04

Always astonished when this comes up! I've never ever seen someone bring a toddler into a petrol station IRL, yet on Mumsnet it's apparently verging on child abuse

Have you read the thread? Most people agree with you!

mindutopia · 04/12/2017 13:05

Yes, definitely. I've left mine from much younger actually. But only if I can see her and she isn't distressed (like she's sleeping and waking her would upset her more than leaving her there). I lock the doors and keep an eye on the car constantly and if she was awake to start, she'd probably be upset that I'd left her so I would bring her. But if she's perfectly happy/asleep, then yes, definitely, I have since she was a baby.

MissDuke · 04/12/2017 13:09

Quizzly, who said it is child abuse? I haven't read one post that judged people for leaving children alone in the car! RTFT!

IamPickleRick · 04/12/2017 13:09

Haha! Mine certainly isn't a bolter just because he hasn't been walked across enough forecourts to have learned to hold my hand yet 😂 Some children do run off. My 8yo never ran off and I did the exact same thing. I am further away when I am in my own garden than when I'm in a garage paying, and they are locked in. No one is going to steal my ancient junk filled Toyota.

Madampatti makes a good point too!

splendide · 04/12/2017 13:19

I think it's fine to leave them. I would note that we never do this type of risk analysis with other leaving them scenarios though - it's weird.

I'm pretty sure, for example, that a one year old would be safer at home alone in a cot than being driven to a supermarket then back home again.

Funnyfarmer · 04/12/2017 13:19

Must admit I was a little uneasy about this at 1st. But once it came to my turn to do it. I could clearly see it was the best option.
All the dangers listed could just as easily happen with a parent in the car.
A child is much more likely to be injured in a moving viechle than a stationary one. If you're that worried about these dangours maybe you should consider walking more?
I can't find the post now but somebody wrote about the handbrake. If a parent has left the handbrake off surly it would start to move straight away.
If a child is old enough to undo there safety straps push down the safety button and release the handbrake ( very tricky for little hands) then they are old enough to know the importance of not messing In an unattended car.
My dd knew what a handbrake was for and what it does way before she could use it. I'm still not sure she can use it she's 7.

londonrach · 04/12/2017 13:24

This is a huge difficult one...right pay per the pump, try and put petrol in when dh around (bonus he puts it in i dd sit) or in my view is 1000 times safer to leave her strapped in and rush in and pay. Mind you last time the pay as your pump failed and i stood by the machine not knowing what to do until a lady who was filled up next to me with children in her car offered to stand watching her whilst i rushed in to pay. I had visual on her and the car and she had visual on my dd.

Ibbleobbleblackbobble · 04/12/2017 13:52

always left mine in the car.....what would you do if you were posting a card through someone's door? park outside the house take the child/children out to walk up the drive, post the card then walk them back again........as long as you can see them and you have the keys I cant see the harm

Strokethefurrywall · 04/12/2017 15:01

I cannot get my head around this madness of not leaving children in cars when you pay for fuel.

Me either - I've never brought mine in to pay with me, except if they were tiny wailing newborns. And even then, they'd have to be wailing...

BigGrannyPants · 04/12/2017 15:34

I would and have done it with both my first son and my twins.

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