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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my weight is no ones buisness but my own

261 replies

portolodn · 03/12/2017 10:25

I'm obese and happy with it but other people seem to have an issue with it. I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes. But I'm very happy with my life and my body. Other people are now dropping huge suggestions on things I should change and stop doing. Surely it's my choice what I do with my life and people should just worry about themselves?

OP posts:
Neoflex · 03/12/2017 13:57

You are the same as smoker with lung cancer does not quit. An alcoholic or heroin addict who does not go to rehab. A hoarder who does not accept psychological help.
Is any of that selfish? You decide and live/die with your decision.

The key question you should ask yourself is why you care so little about yourself that you continue to hurt yourself in this way. Because whatever way you phrase it, you are choosing to mistreat your body. What happened in your life to make you feel you deserve this?

Gingernaut · 03/12/2017 14:00

I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes.

You made it someone else's business when you told them personal medical details.

You don't want to be nagged, I get it, but this is a very serious condition and by appearing to do fuck all about it, you will worry and annoy people you've told.

Amelia85 · 03/12/2017 14:02

People are concerned because they care about you!

One of my colleagues was in a similar situation. She was obese and "body positive", and eventually she needed to have a toe amputated as a result of the diabetes her obesity eventually triggered. Wounds are slow to heal in diabetic people, and it was a painful surgery anyway, and she was in agony trying to recover. But she still made no attempt to change her diet or lose weight. She was too ill to return to work, and within a year her eyes were affected. She's dead now.

I would be so upset if someone I loved told me they were pre-diabetic but were "happy" with their body. I don't ever want to see someone do that to themselves again.

speakout · 03/12/2017 14:07

Tell them to get stuffed. Concern trolling about health is always going to be something large folks get the brunt of, but you and your body is nobody else's business but your own. Yes you've mentioned you HAVE health issues, but that's also your own business. What you choose to do or not do about them, is entirely up to you.

laudanum, yes it's the OPs business she has body autonomy and she has the right to do as she pleases.

But is she has people around her that loves her- family friends or children then her choices do make an impact on them.

And that is selfish.

My OH could smoke 40 fags a day and that would be totally his choice, but that choice impacts on us his family.

Yes we have the right to lead an unhealthy lifestyle, but when people close to you are impacted by those choices then that's a pretty ugly things to do.

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 14:33

Bollocks - I know, right? It's saddening and maddening in equal measures SadAngry

HopefullyAnonymous · 03/12/2017 14:39

YABU. My father died from diabetes aged 45. It’s not about your size, it’s about your health.

scrabbler3 · 03/12/2017 14:46

They don't care that you're obese because you look crap in group photos; they care that you're obese because it's life-shortening. They're your friends! And they're trying to be supportive and kind friends. Cut them some slack.

But that said, it's true that it's your call. Absolutely. If you're unconcerned about your longevity or the strain you'll place on the NHS, that's fair enough. All the best with whatever you decide to do.

BakedBeans47 · 03/12/2017 14:51

I’m really overweight too Op. the difference is that I am really miserable and now I am getting older I am really feeling it. I get out of puff even walking short distances. I do try but I am just out of control now and have no willpower. I know it’s terrible. People only say things to you because they care. And yes it is a problem to the NHS etc as well.

This thread has made me really think about the potential impact my current lifestyle has on my family so thank you all.

PollyPerky · 03/12/2017 15:10

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CaledonianQueen · 03/12/2017 15:22

Having watched the video Rebecca shared about the severely obese man, I wanted to say that my parents are no where near the weight of that man. I think in a way, with the general population being bigger these days, it makes many overweight people feel they don't have a huge weight problem because they are nowhere near as big as the man in the video. They would look a normal weight next to that man.

My Mum has fluctuated between fifteen and eighteen stone since her diabetes diagnosis. Which is obese, however only a fraction of the weight of the likes of the man who is in that video. However, it doesn't matter to the body how heavy someone is in comparison to someone else.

If our bodies are overweight/ obese then there are physical changes that are happening inside, that will shorten the lifespan and cause horrendous problems. Arteries will fill with fat and harden. Nerves will die, leaving no feeling to areas of the body (e.g. my Mums feet, Mum stood in a corrosive liquid (basically acid) that left her with massive chemical burns to her feet and ankles. She didn't even notice. My dh had used a sink and plughole un-blocker in her bath, he told both of my brothers to warn her and to leave the shower running for at least half an hour before showering. He stressed that no one was to shower until the shower had been running for over half an hour. They didn't tell her. The Doctors couldn't believe that she hadn't felt anything. The pain should have been torture. My Mum's feet have been used in so many university lectures for chiropodists (I have a friend who was a student during one of these lectures. He recognised my Mum from me describing the injuries to her feet)

I do think it's important for everyone to realise the implications of poor diet, being overweight and smoking/ drinking too much. Eventually your body pays the cost of poor lifestyle.

OwdBets · 03/12/2017 15:29

My cousin has diabetes. He is now being told to expect an amputation.
Diabetes if not managed properly is grim.

InternetHoopJumper · 03/12/2017 17:04

I am wondering. Do people hound smokers as much as fat people? Both can cause problems, although being fat you can still live a healthy lifestyle and reduce the chance of diabetes. Sugar is the problem and a lack of excercise is the problem.

Here is another video of how you can be body positive and not needlessly risk your health:

Ta1kinPeace · 03/12/2017 17:06

Do people hound smokers as much as fat people?
Well considering smoking indoors is banned in pretty much every public building, all public transport, most taxis, many rented properties, many private outside spaces
yeah, I think smokers are not given an easy ride

MPichu · 03/12/2017 17:07

How can anyone be happy being obese? Do you not feel uncomfortable? Would you not be happier being lighter and healthier? More comfortable?

MadMags · 03/12/2017 17:10

They didn't hound her. She told them about health concerns, and they gave her advice. How is that hounding her??

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/12/2017 17:24

Do people hound smokers as much as fat people?

No - they hound them much, much more, which as an ex smoker I've cause to know

As I've mentioned on MN before, I sometimes think much of the criticism aimed at remaining smokers is down to criticism of practically everything else being verboten now ...

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/12/2017 17:36

It's only because they care about you OP

I know it's emotive and personal and feels horrible but this is a red flag

Do what you want but don't be cross with them for caring About your health x

gamerchick · 03/12/2017 17:38

am wondering. Do people hound smokers as much as fat people?

Eh? Have you been on a smoking thread on here? Seriously start one about overweight people the way some go on on those threads and you're likely to get banned.

2rebecca · 03/12/2017 17:53

The OP started a thread about how she felt it was unreasonable that her GP told her that she had prediabetes and when she told her friends, presumably people who like and care about her they suggested she lose weight.
If she was really not wanting her friends and mumsnet not to comment on the very well publicised link between type 2 diabetes and obesity she could have just kept quiet about it and talked about her next holiday.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/12/2017 18:48

"Do people hound smokers as much as fat people?"

A hell of a lot more! I never say anything to fat people because I know it's usually a very touchy subject, but my friends who smoke know full well how horrible I think it is. They're not allowed to smoke at mine and I'll leave a place where there's smoking. I remind them of what it does to them all the time.

Itsgonnabeacoldone · 03/12/2017 18:53

Smokers on mn are almost seen a protected species. You can start a thread annoyed that smokers are smoking in a park that where smoking is banned by the owner and you will get flamed.

JonSnowsWife · 03/12/2017 18:53

yeah, I think smokers are not given an easy ride

I've been a regular on a respiratory ward, I can assure you, they very much are. So were the two alcoholics who ended up needing beds on there too.

Italiangreyhound · 03/12/2017 18:58

@Topseythank you for your kind words. I too have a thyroid problem. I find it so encouraging to hear of people's success stories and I think this thread I'd giving me strength to, as someone Said to 'put down the fork!

Gwenhwyfar · 03/12/2017 18:59

"TBF, with obesity you can see the potential for health problems.

It wasn’t her weight she confided in people about, it was her high blood sugar reading and prediabetes."

Lots of obese people have prediabetes so it's guessable really.

Raisedbyguineapigs · 03/12/2017 19:25

It wasn’t her weight she confided in people about, it was her high blood sugar reading and prediabetes.
I would like to see the statistics for the amount of people who weigh 7 stone who have high blood sugar and pre diabetes. I would guess it's vanishingly small, if not nonexistent. If you are obese, people can see it on you. If you then confide in them that you have pre diabetes and high blood sugar, they are not going to say 'Oh, but you look so well! It must be such a shock!' They are going to point out the glaringly obvious. That your condition is a direct result of you being obese. And I am overweight. People tell me all the time that I don't need to lose weight, but I have a BMI of 29. I need to lose 2 stone. I would rather people didn't try and minimize my trying to lose weight (Which I find incredibly hard anyway) by saying I don't need to.