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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP and exes at wedding

175 replies

WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 08:47

I have been invited to the wedding of one of my partner's friends.

The wedding is in two weeks time and my partner has just turned round to me and said that a number of his exes will be there and that he doesn't want me giving him grief afterwards so I should 'prepare myself' for him talking to them if that is a problem.

His justification for saying this to me is because I challenged him about his inappropriate behaviour with a work colleague a number of years ago (I don't think anything happened but it wasn't for the lack of effort on his part). I obviously wasn't happy about this and expressed my concerns to him. This is the one time that I have challenged his behaviour. He has plenty of other female friends and I don't have a problem with them.

The groom's sister is one of his exes so I assumed she was going to be in attendance but I really was not bothered.

The situation with the colleague was years ago and he keeps bringing it up as evidence that I'm jealous.

I am really bemused by his behaviour and other than telling him that his exes being in attendance isn't an issue I don't really know what he is trying to achieve.

It sounds to me like he would like me to be jealous and I'm a bit peed off about the whole situation. He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

This isn't normal behaviour is it?

OP posts:

QueenDaisy · 05/12/2017 08:20

The good thing here is that you don’t live together, if you choose to end the relationship, it will be a cleaner break

ReanimatedSGB · 05/12/2017 08:33

Just dump him, today! He's absolutely vile. I bet you're attractive and successful; more so than him. There are some men who really get off on crushing women, and they have an instinct for ones who are basically 'out of their league' but slightly vulnerable emotionally. It makes these horrible men feel big and powerful to destroy women.

I'd be inclined to suggest dumping him by text with a message along the lines of 'I've been thinking about it and decided I can do better than someone like you, so you're dumped.' Though, if you have any stuff you value at his place, reclaim that first (and return anything of his that's at yours). Then once he's dumped, block all contact - a polite message to the bride and groom that you have dumped him, so won't be at the wedding but you with them all the best, would be a good thing to do.

Unfinishedkitchen · 05/12/2017 08:39

You need to become one of his exes. There’s a reason there are so many. He’s a dickhead.

Wallywobbles · 05/12/2017 10:44

Of you really can’t dump him today. I suggest you do it by text at the wedding.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 05/12/2017 11:00

Oh he is ghastly. He has no respect for you. He is using you as a filler.

Please don’t waste more of your time with this waste of space.

lurkingnotlurking · 05/12/2017 14:32

I'm so sorry that he has done this to your self esteem. Your last story is appalling. He's a nasty piece of work. I hope you find the strength soon. Or ask your mum to get him out of your life!

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/12/2017 15:10

I think actually dumping him and spelling out why to him will do you and your esteem the world of good. Yell at him what you think, laugh at how pathetic he is to need to bully someone in staying with him.

You are talking of distancing which to me sounds like creeping away quietly and not kicking up a fuss. But that's what he's had you doing the whole relationship. This is your chance to take control and do something that WON'T look back on and wish you'd been fierier about.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 15:30

He's been an arsehole from start to finish.

Dump him, listen to some Beyonce and move on. If he wants to know why you're dumping him, "because you're an enormous wanker. My suggestion is to do some work on yourself before you inflict yourself on another women. Fuckity bye".

Trinity66 · 05/12/2017 15:35

omg you need to dump that asshole, seriously, put some value on yourself woman

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 05/12/2017 15:36

What a sad, pathetic wanker he is. So desperate to get you jealous that he gets in a froth when you don't. It's warped behaviour. You are so lucky you don't live with him or have children with him, which makes splitting up so much easier. Just dump him. I don't think you should give him an explaination because he knows exactly what he's doing and he'll love any hint that his behaviour has got under your skin. I'd go for a simple and emotionally detached "I don't want to see you again", then block him on everything so he can't contact you.

I definitely wouldn't go to the wedding as you'll get sucked into his games by going out of your way to be chatty with his exes. Just get rid ASAP.

shallichangemyname · 05/12/2017 15:38

I'm sorry if anyone else has posted this, I haven't RTFT.
Can you etch "T" on his forehead and tell him it is because he is a TWAT?
Or a less offensive "L" for Ladies Man?

twattymctwatterson · 05/12/2017 17:13

Why on Earth do women put up with shit like this? Surely you can see that you deserve better Op? You put up with being a dirty little secret for 2 whole years?! Is there anything at all you actually gain from this relationship?

scotchpie · 05/12/2017 20:02

What a prick! He is using you and clearly rubbing your face in it too!

OP you sound lovely, please don't put up with this shite any longer.

MilesHuntsWig · 05/12/2017 22:53

Wow. You deserve better than this. You really do.

SandyY2K · 05/12/2017 23:09

He has no respect for you. He's eroding your self confidence and at the end ... if you don't dump him first.... he'll dump you and you'll feel so much worse.

Your relationship has no future, because he doesn't really love you.

You deserve better

HermionesRightHook · 05/12/2017 23:47

I'm starting to think you should go to the blasted wedding and have a nice enlightening chat with all these exes. I suspect they can tell you how great they feel being free of this cockwomble.

Original poster

WeddingArsehole · 06/12/2017 19:31

Struggling tonight. I really want to contact him. I'm trying to talk some sense into myself.

OP posts:

QueenArseClangers · 06/12/2017 19:53

Just imagine what you’d tell a future daughter if she was with such an horrendous, unkind, cruel, selfish, abusive man like this.

You will be destroyed completely if you stay with him and become a withered husk of the woman you used to be.
That will taken aeons to recover from, that’s if you ever do

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 07/12/2017 09:01

Stay strong OP! You do not need to contact him!

Temporary2002 · 07/12/2017 10:03

The thing that tells me this is coming to an end is that I'm just not that bothered about anything he does anymore. I was thinking before, if he did go off with another woman that would be a bit of a relief to me.
That says a lot. Good luck OP.

FuzzyCustard · 07/12/2017 13:47

How are you doing today wedding? Hope you are feeling full of strength and resolve, although I know that can be difficult.
You sounds far too good for this idiot.

GabriellaMontez · 07/12/2017 18:49

Omg. .. dump him. The story about the curry night is a horror...

Original poster

WeddingArsehole · 07/12/2017 20:56

I'm doing ok today thanks. He is a horror! I'm so better off without him!

OP posts:

Arealhumanbeing · 07/12/2017 21:17

Have you dumped him?

MilesHuntsWig · 08/12/2017 18:31

You really are better off, it will be tough for a while but hang in there!

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