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Original poster

DP and exes at wedding

175 replies

WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 08:47

I have been invited to the wedding of one of my partner's friends.

The wedding is in two weeks time and my partner has just turned round to me and said that a number of his exes will be there and that he doesn't want me giving him grief afterwards so I should 'prepare myself' for him talking to them if that is a problem.

His justification for saying this to me is because I challenged him about his inappropriate behaviour with a work colleague a number of years ago (I don't think anything happened but it wasn't for the lack of effort on his part). I obviously wasn't happy about this and expressed my concerns to him. This is the one time that I have challenged his behaviour. He has plenty of other female friends and I don't have a problem with them.

The groom's sister is one of his exes so I assumed she was going to be in attendance but I really was not bothered.

The situation with the colleague was years ago and he keeps bringing it up as evidence that I'm jealous.

I am really bemused by his behaviour and other than telling him that his exes being in attendance isn't an issue I don't really know what he is trying to achieve.

It sounds to me like he would like me to be jealous and I'm a bit peed off about the whole situation. He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

This isn't normal behaviour is it?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 04/12/2017 13:35

Why are you feeling this drama?
There was nothing to discuss except goodbye.
He acted in the mist cliched pedticable way.

Have some dignity and bin him.

Duckstar · 04/12/2017 13:40

I reckon there’s something more going on here. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some “overlap” between yourself and one of these girls. He clearly didn’t want you to go, which is most likely because he’s got something to hide and he’s worried it may come out.

WetPaint4 · 04/12/2017 14:09

You've been played. He didn't want you at the wedding. He knows you well enough to know how you'd react to all this jealousy crap.

The last thing he would have wanted would be for you to go to the wedding looking good and socialising. He's hiding something, as previous posters have said. The whole thing has been set up to ensure you don't go. If you're not dumping him (you should) you should let him know you will be going. And if there's a lovely single man there, even better.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/12/2017 14:18

But, who cares anyway?

Personally I don't think it is that, or he wouldn't be slamming around the place sulking. I think he wanted to bait and tease OP and then enjoy her having a bad time at the wedding. If he didn't want her to go, he could have made sure she wasn't invited, by the sound of it.

But even if the above opposite scenario is the case - who cares! You haven't 'given him what he wants' - you've made your own decision that YOU don't want to go to a wedding as the plus one of a nob. So you aren't.

Now all that remains is to add - 'Actually, thinking on this, I think I'd rather never go to any weddings with you ever. No weddings. Or parties actually. And now I'm on a roll, the thought of sharing a pub table is pretty bad. And a sofa. And a bed. You're dumped'.

BrokenBattleDroid · 04/12/2017 15:14

To be honest he might not even know what he's trying to achieve - some people just get into a horrible pattern of behavior where they need to keep their partner on the back foot and in the wrong in order to elevate themselves. You can't win with that because they adapt to whatever you say or do - you will always do the wrong thing.

Queeniebed · 04/12/2017 15:17

Ask him to point them out constantly so you dont accidentally put your foot in it lol

SonicBoomBoom · 04/12/2017 15:36

To be honest he might not even know what he's trying to achieve - some people just get into a horrible pattern of behavior where they need to keep their partner on the back foot and in the wrong in order to elevate themselves.

I agree with this. I went out with someone like this once, it was horrible.

Dumped him, obviously.

He's now a sad little man who uses prostitutes and thinks it's funny.

HermionesRightHook · 04/12/2017 16:59

Please dump this ridiculous person.

HighlyUnlikely · 04/12/2017 17:02

Ugh, he sounds tedious and spiteful. I'd run a mile.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/12/2017 17:14

He's got a very unhealthy attitude towards you, and towards women in general. It sounds like he wants you to be constantly afraid, uneasy, and desperate to please him - and the more you ignore his windups or refuse to rise, the worse they will get.
I would suggest making plans to get away from him sooner rather than later. Men who are desperate for a reaction are desperate to see you upset - if he can't make you cry by banging on about other women, and sneering at you, there may come a point where he decides to escalate to physical assault of some kind, because you have to be made to know your place; you have to be conquered and broken in some way.

ElephantsandTigers · 04/12/2017 17:15

His actions are chilling. Please let the bride and groom know yourself, today. Don't forget to say you've finished with him as he's a knob before he gets his version in.

bastardkitty · 04/12/2017 17:17

He's trying to cause an argument so he can get in a huff and go alone. I'd let him. Let hm go everywhere alone. He sounds such a dickhead.

canthelpbutworry · 04/12/2017 17:22

Bin this fucker immediately 😡

AlternativeTentacle · 04/12/2017 17:29

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who scribes J on your forehead. Do you have any issues with self-esteem?

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 04/12/2017 19:00

I didn't have issues with my self esteem before this relationship and even in the early days. It's just since I've been together with him that this has happened.

OP posts:
lurkingnotlurking · 04/12/2017 19:04

Well there you go then. I once went out with someone who attacked by self esteem. He called me ugly repeatedly. Do you want to be treated like this forever?

chinam · 04/12/2017 19:22

Why are you staying with this tool?

Maelstrop · 04/12/2017 19:28

I don't get why you're with this terminally stupid wanker?

WasDoingFine · 05/12/2017 06:05

OP - so what are you going to do ?

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 05/12/2017 06:56

I'm not sure. I'm going to take some time to myself and just try to distance myself from him. Happily we don't live together.

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteTowels · 05/12/2017 07:12

OP I think he still fancies one of his exes and wanted to make her jealous by turning up with you but setting the scene so he could make a play for her at the wedding.

I agree he's sulking as he wouldn't want to turn up alone as he thinks he's the bees knees and a gold gift to women

Sounds a right nasty egotistical plonker

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 05/12/2017 07:38

I just don't see how he can honestly think I would attend the wedding when he has warned me off like he did.

This is going to out me if any of my friends are on here but I really don't care. For about two years he kept our relationship secret from his friends. One night we were going out and his friends invited him for a curry. He asked me to come along so I did, as I thought he was finally letting me into his life.

When we got to the restaurant he hadn't told his friends I was coming. It transpired afterwards that he'd told them he had invited me out of pity, as I'd been stood up on another date. The groom's sister (his 4 week ex) was there and he sat at the opposite end of the table to me, leaving me at the end with nobody opposite me.

The groom's then girlfriend spent a large part of the evening saying what a good couple my partner and his ex would make. HE NODDED AND SMILED ALONG. I wish I'd walked out at that point.

I obviously was not happy about his behaviour that night and told him so. It had nothing to do with the ex - she seemed really nice actually. I was annoyed he had humiliated me, not that I viewed the ex as a threat.

This was another example he gave me of how i am jealous and why he told me to prepare myself.

I am seeing a counsellor and she is helping me see things more clearly and I do feel stronger than I did. I think I will get there. He just has me on rock bottom.

OP posts:
user1486915549 · 05/12/2017 07:48

Please LTB now. He is a prize twat and all these other women know that. That’s why they are all ex’s.
Join them and find someone who actually likes you !

Cheby · 05/12/2017 07:57

OMFG OP, just end it! You don’t live with him, and he’s an emotionally abusive cockwomble. Just cease all contact, go off and enjoy your life.

ElephantsandTigers · 05/12/2017 08:03

He's using you to feel better. You're his toy. Pick up and use at will then stamp on when he feels like more fun. You can do better. Believe it.

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