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Original poster

DP and exes at wedding

175 replies

WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 08:47

I have been invited to the wedding of one of my partner's friends.

The wedding is in two weeks time and my partner has just turned round to me and said that a number of his exes will be there and that he doesn't want me giving him grief afterwards so I should 'prepare myself' for him talking to them if that is a problem.

His justification for saying this to me is because I challenged him about his inappropriate behaviour with a work colleague a number of years ago (I don't think anything happened but it wasn't for the lack of effort on his part). I obviously wasn't happy about this and expressed my concerns to him. This is the one time that I have challenged his behaviour. He has plenty of other female friends and I don't have a problem with them.

The groom's sister is one of his exes so I assumed she was going to be in attendance but I really was not bothered.

The situation with the colleague was years ago and he keeps bringing it up as evidence that I'm jealous.

I am really bemused by his behaviour and other than telling him that his exes being in attendance isn't an issue I don't really know what he is trying to achieve.

It sounds to me like he would like me to be jealous and I'm a bit peed off about the whole situation. He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

This isn't normal behaviour is it?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 02/12/2017 20:29

I just have a massive problem with the etching on forehead thing. That's before I get to thinking about the jealousy set-up. I would HATE someone doing that to me. Horrid.

Me too @MissCommunication

chocolateisnecessary · 02/12/2017 20:53

You're going as his plus one?
I think you shouldn't go because you shouldn't be with this idiot.
The J thing? Seriously OP, get the hell out.

FluffedIt · 02/12/2017 21:02

I would have said straight off I have no problem you talking to your exes. But flirting with them is not acceptable.

The j on the forehead thing though would send out red flags for me and I would pay close attention to his level of respect for me. (And smack him in the face if he tried to do that again)

Not saying LTB but be prepared to assert yourself and walk if he can't treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 21:06

I did ask him what he thought he would be doing with his exes that he thought I would have a problem with.

The whole thing is just bizarre. He then accused me of 'giving him grief' about raising an issue about me being jealous of his exes.

OP posts:
Neverender · 02/12/2017 21:07

My god, that's vile. I hope you laughed!? I'd play the 'can you guess what I'm writing game' and write dumped on his forehead with your finger. See if he guesses and, if he doesn't, he can spend the next few years working it out. What a tool!

Acadia · 02/12/2017 21:10

Tell him you're sure they'll all be laughing behind his back at how badly he's aged.

FluffedIt · 02/12/2017 21:12

He does sound like a total pleb.

How long have you been together?

happypoobum · 02/12/2017 21:12

I would bail on the whole relationship not just the wedding.

He sounds pathetic and immature. I doubt he will improve with age Sad

MarthasHarbour · 02/12/2017 21:21

He is absolutely gaslighting you. Please LTB now. He is utterly vile Flowers

ComedyBoobs · 02/12/2017 21:33

Pack & leave while he's out having his lap dance.
I do like pp suggestion of drawing a cock on his forehead with a permanent marker though......

DullAndOld · 02/12/2017 21:42

he sounds horrible. 'etching a J on your forehead' and saying jealous over and over?
Draw a cock on his forehead with a sharpie in the night then leave him in the morning.

DullAndOld · 02/12/2017 21:43

oh damn someone else said it before me.
But yes, do it.

BlondeB83 · 02/12/2017 22:46

He’s a vile twat. Get out while you can. He sounds like a narcissist, it will only get worse. Please consider your options. He clearly wants to go to the wedding alone to get up to whatever he wants to.

Babybauble · 02/12/2017 23:00

I think he wants you to be jealous and when you reacted calmly he reverted back to the one time you was. The other possibility is he's trying to stop you going so he can flirt away

BrokenBattleDroid · 02/12/2017 23:04

Go to the wedding and dump him there. When he asks 'what the hell? you reply that he seemed to so relish the idea of a wedding full of exes that you thought he might like a 4th one.

Of course don't do that as it might cause a scene at someone else's wedding, but it would be fun. Definitely dump him though.

GruffaloPants · 03/12/2017 05:37

Tell us more about how great he is.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/12/2017 05:44

There's a reason he has a lot of exes.

Life would be much satisfying for you, if you were to join their ranks.

Melony6 · 03/12/2017 05:51

He sounds mad.
Nothing he says makes sense. To me he sounds as if he is anxious about the many exes at the wedding and deflecting his worries onto you by saying you are the one with the issue over it.
And 'threatening' a lap dance scene - so what, why tell you?
Maybe his DF's illness has stressed him and he is behaving illogically due to that.

AlpacaLypse · 03/12/2017 06:27

I'm sorry that his dad has been diagnosed with cancer. But that's not a good enough reason to stay with the tosser.

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 03/12/2017 10:24

I've been thinking about this further and I really don't think I can go to the wedding.

From looking forward to it, I now feel like I would spend the whole day on edge and worrying about what will happen. Clearly, there is something not right here because it just isn't normal behaviour to tell your girlfriend to prepare herself for you talking to your exes.

I'm going to discuss this with him. The thing that tells me this is coming to an end is that I'm just not that bothered about anything he does anymore. I was thinking before, if he did go off with another woman that would be a bit of a relief to me.

OP posts:
Nyx1 · 03/12/2017 10:28

Wedding "I'm going to discuss this with him..... I was thinking before, if he did go off with another woman that would be a bit of a relief to me."

so why have a discussion? Sounds like a massive waste of time, you will just end up listening to him shouting something egotistical for several hours. That's time you can spend organising yourself to leave, if there's a lot to do.

IJustLostTheGame · 03/12/2017 10:31

He didn't get he reaction he was looking for. Now he's probably going to act like a lecherous prick at the wedding and be vile to you when you object.
Don't go to the wedding but only because you've dumped Casanova.

happypoobum · 03/12/2017 10:35

I agree with Nyx

If I were you I would just get my shit in order and split. Whatever you do, don't mention the wedding or the exes or he will tell everyone you were such a jealous maniac you have left him because you couldn't bear the idea of him talking to other women "Oh the life I have had with her..."

I would just tell him you are very sorry but you just aren't feeling it any more (which is true) Good Luck.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/12/2017 10:37

Don't discuss it with him- he'd absolutely love that. The aim of all this is to boast to you. To make you feel on the back foot. To upset you (see also 'I'm gonna get a lap dance, nerr!!! What, you don't like that idea? oooh you never said! )

He's a nasty twat with issues. Dump him, but don't have discussions with him - it will only give him another chance to use you as bait.

If it were me I'd definitely pull out of the wedding- he will HATE going alone without a plus one. Let's face it, the only thing all these exes will be doing is clocking him approaching and going 'ooooh shit it's Weirdo Boy' and quickly heading for the bar. He will desperately want you there so he's got someone on his arm. If you don't dump him immediately, do pull out. With a smile. 'Maybe you're right, I would absolutely be sooooo jealous, I'm sure you've got loads of exes and they'll allllll want to claw my eyes out! You don't need to worry. I've already made other plans. I wouldn't want to clip your wings!' Watch him backtrack so fast he'll be tripping over his own arsehole. He will NOT want to go alone 😂😂😂