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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and exes at wedding

175 replies

WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 08:47

I have been invited to the wedding of one of my partner's friends.

The wedding is in two weeks time and my partner has just turned round to me and said that a number of his exes will be there and that he doesn't want me giving him grief afterwards so I should 'prepare myself' for him talking to them if that is a problem.

His justification for saying this to me is because I challenged him about his inappropriate behaviour with a work colleague a number of years ago (I don't think anything happened but it wasn't for the lack of effort on his part). I obviously wasn't happy about this and expressed my concerns to him. This is the one time that I have challenged his behaviour. He has plenty of other female friends and I don't have a problem with them.

The groom's sister is one of his exes so I assumed she was going to be in attendance but I really was not bothered.

The situation with the colleague was years ago and he keeps bringing it up as evidence that I'm jealous.

I am really bemused by his behaviour and other than telling him that his exes being in attendance isn't an issue I don't really know what he is trying to achieve.

It sounds to me like he would like me to be jealous and I'm a bit peed off about the whole situation. He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

This isn't normal behaviour is it?

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 02/12/2017 09:33

Etching J on your forehead and saying jealous.....wow!

You could view the wedding as some sort of ethnographic study or you could just end the relationship now.

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/12/2017 09:33

Is he telling you incase they all start pawing at his clothes & begging him to take them back because no one else comes close & they can't live without him?.

Does he look like Daniel Craig or something?.

AstridWhite · 02/12/2017 09:34

He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

That's actually quite chilling.

I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt and wonder if you might be one of those really whiny insecure women until I read that last bit.

He's a fucking knob. Do yourself a favour, set him free.

Bratsandtwats · 02/12/2017 09:42

I am increasingly coming to the view that I need to leave him. He repeatedly attempts to undermine my self confidence.

You need to start making plans imo.

WalkingInTheAir13 · 02/12/2017 09:45

And maybe a J on his forehead for “Jerk” that he is!

WineGummyBear · 02/12/2017 09:46

I shuddered when I read that. Sorry OP.

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 09:46

I know - I mean who would be jealous of normal chit chat at a wedding? Fair enough if they were ripping each other's clothes off I might have a problem!

He does not look like Daniel Craig.

OP posts:
Frouby · 02/12/2017 09:48

I would ltb for this.

On the morning of the wedding.

And while he was sleeping I would draw a giant knob on his forehead in permanent marker.

He sounds an absolute vile wanker.

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 09:51

Frouby that did make me laugh - don't tempt me!

OP posts:
mummyretired · 02/12/2017 09:51

Maybe make a point of comparing notes with the other exes - ask them how they coped with his odd behaviour? They will probably have had the same experience and be aware that he is trying to provoke you/ all of them. Don't be the person on the other side of the fence from him and the rest of the world.

Peachyking000 · 02/12/2017 09:57

I had an ex who did something similar prior to a NY Eve party....... he kept saying “Ooh Lisa (his ex, not real name) is really going to hate you, she always has a go at new girlfriends and she’ll pribably try and ruin your night blah blah blah.....”

Thing was, “Lisa” and I weirdly hit it off, are still good friends 13 years later, even though I’m no longer in contact with my ex. I went to her wedding and we have DC a similar age.

Somersetter · 02/12/2017 09:58

What a catch Hmm

You don't have dc with him - you can literally leave him and not look back. You would always regret having these doubts and not listen to them. Good luck!

MonumentalAlabaster · 02/12/2017 10:01

etching a J onto my forehead and saying "jealous" over and over again

I find this detail really disturbing

Nyx1 · 02/12/2017 10:04

The J thing is terrifying.

Emilybrontescorsett · 02/12/2017 10:04

Glam yourself up and whilst he is "chatting" to one of his exs head to the bar and start chatting yourself, preferably to a very attractive man.
Socialise and enjoy yourself.
Then think about if you really want to be in a relationship with this man.

diddl · 02/12/2017 10:10

"He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again"

That's way past patronising imo.

I actually feel scared for you reading that-it's creepy AF.

thecatsthecats · 02/12/2017 10:14

Emily Brontë

The mature thing to do would be not to game play but to leave him now.

I like yours better. Do it OP. Go to a bar, drive him nuts and if he complains, sweetly ask if he's jealous.

Ellendegeneres · 02/12/2017 10:14

Agree with the others- that's properly creepy. What kind of nutter does that?
It makes me question what other ways he abuses you, how else he undermines your confidence, what other ways he makes you feel like crap- subtle little digs, putdowns.

KetleyS · 02/12/2017 10:19

Er I don’t think he actually etched a J onto her forehead....it’s a turn of phrase isn’t it?

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 10:22

Yes, sorry I meant he did it with his finger - not a pen.

OP posts:
whatsavings · 02/12/2017 10:24

Trace a "D" on HIS forehead, DUMP him before the wedding and have yourself a very merry Christmas.

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2017 10:25

Sounds like he etched J with his finger on her forehead.....that is disturbing.

HermionesRightHook · 02/12/2017 10:25

I assume she means he was touching or miming carving a J onto her, while leaning over her threateningly.

Which is really fucking disturbing and you need to get the hen out of there. Make a plan to leave, hopefully involving writing "I am emotionally abusive to women" on the back of his suit the night before the wedding.

Gazelda · 02/12/2017 10:27

Does he think you're lucky to have him? He sounds a rear twat, and the J thing would anger me beyond all words.
Get out while you still have some sense of why you're really worth. You deserve better, he deserves to be made to feel worthless.

Codlet · 02/12/2017 10:28

The J thing is horrid. What an arrogant wanker!