Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and exes at wedding

175 replies

WeddingArsehole · 02/12/2017 08:47

I have been invited to the wedding of one of my partner's friends.

The wedding is in two weeks time and my partner has just turned round to me and said that a number of his exes will be there and that he doesn't want me giving him grief afterwards so I should 'prepare myself' for him talking to them if that is a problem.

His justification for saying this to me is because I challenged him about his inappropriate behaviour with a work colleague a number of years ago (I don't think anything happened but it wasn't for the lack of effort on his part). I obviously wasn't happy about this and expressed my concerns to him. This is the one time that I have challenged his behaviour. He has plenty of other female friends and I don't have a problem with them.

The groom's sister is one of his exes so I assumed she was going to be in attendance but I really was not bothered.

The situation with the colleague was years ago and he keeps bringing it up as evidence that I'm jealous.

I am really bemused by his behaviour and other than telling him that his exes being in attendance isn't an issue I don't really know what he is trying to achieve.

It sounds to me like he would like me to be jealous and I'm a bit peed off about the whole situation. He was really patronising to me - etching a J onto my forehead and saying 'jealous' over and over again.

This isn't normal behaviour is it?

OP posts:
Nyx1 · 03/12/2017 10:40

happy "I would just tell him you are very sorry but you just aren't feeling it any more"

I'd leave out the "very sorry". Grin

BlondeB83 · 03/12/2017 14:01

Run for the hills! Sounds like you know what you need to do.

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/12/2017 14:05

Just ditch him! Why are you entertaining this prick? Boosting his shitty pathetic nasty little ego,

Njordsgrrrl · 03/12/2017 14:26

I like fizzy greens idea. He sounds horrible. I've been married to two awful men in their own respective ways but that forehead thing, Christ. 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

RandomMess · 03/12/2017 14:29

Don't bother discussing anything with him, it would be a relief if he ended it??? Just end it with him Thanks

SonicBoomBoom · 03/12/2017 14:52

He's desperate for you to be jealous.

I'd pull out of the wedding. And then dump him on the morning of it.

inlectorecumbit · 03/12/2017 15:24

Go the wedding but on return tell him there was an extra ex there... you!

milliemolliemou · 03/12/2017 15:41

OP - the wedding is in two weeks? Despite the fact you have sympathies for his father diagnosed with cancer, I would plan like PPs to be out of there over that weekend. Can you do this? is there somewhere for you to go? can you get out gracefully in time with your possessions? I don't know how old you both are, but this is the behaviour of a toddler or an adolescent who wants constant affirmation he's loved. has self-esteem issues - and is prepared to trace a J on your head. I suspect it's him that's jealous of you, your abilities and composure. If you can't get out in two weeks get planning now. Don't go to the wedding - he sounds as if he's the sort of person who'd also kick off to the chagrin of the bride and groom if you even looked at anyone while he embarrassed his exes and their new partners.

user1492958275 · 03/12/2017 21:43

A man with a number of exs in such a small social space must be a right catch tbh. Especially managing to spend a number of weeks with one of them.

Just how will you restrain yourself?

I'm gonna say, go to the wedding, enjoy the wedding, meet the number of exs! Chat to them like you've known them for years. Then watch his reaction, and leave him.

Clearly he wants some form of aggressive jealous relationship, which is so very very weird.

The J thing IS fucked up. Repeating jealous is fucked up.

And when you tie in the fact you don't actually give a shit - the relationship doesn't come down to much does it?

Do yourself a favour and give yourself a chance to find a new man who deserves you and a wants a normal relationship

Albatross26 · 03/12/2017 22:09

Fucking hell what a nasty piece of work he is. Tell him to fuck off.

MilesHuntsWig · 03/12/2017 22:20

He sounds a bit unhinged. Run away!

MammaTJ · 03/12/2017 22:24

'No love, I'm not jealous about you, I am jealous of them, as they had the good sense to get rid of you after a short period of time, I have not. That, however, can be corrected'.

messofajess · 03/12/2017 23:34

I think I would discuss with him out of morbid curiousity to see what his reaction is. Like is he expecting it? Did his plan to gaslight and control backfire spectacularly? Will he beg for forgiveness? It sounds as though he is so unhinged it could be either one.

But I still stand by fucking off the wedding. Way better things to do with your time. Like running like hell out that door

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/12/2017 23:49

Are you able to just go? Do you have any shared finances etc?

SandyY2K · 03/12/2017 23:56

Go to the wedding. Have a look for any talent

Like it. ^...^..^

I also like "I'm just not feeling it any more. Can't quite put my finger on it... but it's been feeling that way for a while now"

If men like this got tossed aside for stupidity....they'd soon wise up.

MistressDeeCee · 04/12/2017 03:00

I hope whilst he's doing the rounds chatting to exes who will either be there with their partners or won't want to spend too much time being cornered by him, that a lovely handsome guy comes over to talk to you. That'll put a spoke in your Mr "I'm All That & More's" antics. I'd also laugh and take the piss every single time he did the J thing to be honest as it's so naff of him to be so ridiculously thrilled his exes are going to be there, that he's developed a severe case of mentionitis. I take it he's a living sex God then bit like Alan Partridge

bunbon · 04/12/2017 07:47

Erm the J thing is so weird and creepy I thought it was just an odd figure of speech, I didn't realise you were being literal! It does sound like you're over it, OP. Run from this, don't walk - It's December and his father is ill. You need to leave before Christmas or his father getting worse becomes an excuse to stay.

You deserve much better than this, and I don't say LTB often.

K0729P · 04/12/2017 12:38

I wonder how many of these exes will actually want to speak to him.

Sounds like he'd go out of his way to speak to them, just to get a reaction out of you.

Original poster
WeddingArsehole · 04/12/2017 12:50

Well I've just had a discussion with him. I told him I didn't want to attend the wedding, as he obviously had a concern about my ability to behave. I told him I didn't want to cast a shadow over his best friend's wedding and that I no longer felt able to attend, as I would be sitting there tense.

He simply said I was being ridiculous and that I have been jealous in the past.

He readily accepted that I wasn't going to attend, as I 'had made up my mind and there was nothing he could say to change it'. He just doesn't want me there and he has engineered a situation so that I don't attend.

He is now giving me the silent treatment whilst stomping around in a huff. Apparently I didn't want to attend.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 04/12/2017 13:10

He's in a huff because he doesn't want to go alone. He wants his plus one. He doesn't want to look like the Man With No Partner. He also wants to engineer an evening where he gets to leave you in the corner and make sure you feel lonely and awkward while he does his VERY best to be the life and soul, engineering conversations with any woman he can while throwing you smirks. He wants to give you a bad time, because doing that makes him feel goooood.

He is a nasty abusive little microdick loser.

Ditch him. I can assure you that IF there were any exes at that wedding, and IF you went, they'd look at you and feel one emotion.

Pity.

BrokenBattleDroid · 04/12/2017 13:11

Well that's fine isn't it? He was never going to behave well about it, the question was in which way would be an arse.

Are you still planning to break up? It seems like self sabotage not to!

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/12/2017 13:19

Why are you letting him call you jealous? For gods sake please just leave him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/12/2017 13:20

He is deliberately trying to taunt you and wind you up. Very nasty. Can only think he is doing it to get a rise out of it, or he's hoping you'll finish with him (wants the relationship to end but doesn't have the balls to do it himself). How old is he?

I agree with others that you would be much better off without him either way!

Not sure of your living arrangements, do you own together? Suggest you wave him off to the wedding and use the time he's out of the house to pack his stuff?

MarthasHarbour · 04/12/2017 13:21

You have just told him exactly what he wanted you to tell him. Confused

LTB!!!!!!!!!! and i don't say this flippantly

abersochgirl · 04/12/2017 13:27

Wow I think you must be with my ex! He was exactly the same and i feel as though I could have written this word for word! I put up with it for 8 years as I thought it was better than being single. NOPE it really wasn't.

I honestly think you'd be better off to LTB. He is belittling you and your relationship.