Things to consider before becoming a SAHP

[carringtonm]

DC1 is due in June 2018, and I am planning to give up work once maternity leave finishes. DP and I have been together for five years and living together for 3.5. We have a joint mortgage but are not married, nor have any immediate plans to get married.

DP is very supportive and very much has the opinion that his earnings will become our money, and I do not have any concerns that he would become in any way financially abusive. However, I think it is sensible to consider having some back up for if things were to change in the future.

I currently have a fair chunk of money in savings and will be saving heavily once Christmas is out the way. DP has about half the savings I have and we have briefly discussed pooling our savings as family savings.

At the moment we both put a set amount of money into a joint account each month which our mortgage and bills go from, then have our own current accounts and savings accounts where the rest of our money is kept. Occasionally we'll each top up the joint account if it's a more expensive month.

Can anyone give advice about what I should be putting in place before leaving work that would secure mine and my child/children's future if things did pan out differently to how we hope. And is this sensible or unnecessary?

WIBU to keep my own savings to myself (for security, not spending) when DP is happily using his own money for the good of the family?

Congratulations. Marriage is absolutely the best framework to protect yourself and your child for the future.

Yes exactly. A married spouse can attempt to disinherit the other just as an unmarried partner can, but the spouse is more likely to be able to challenge it.

Congratulations OP. A quick Registry office marriage is the easiest option. DH and I weren't keen on the marriage route ( wish they did a civil partnership for straight couples!) and looked into getting a contract drawn up at the solicitors to protect us in the same situation. To get something drawn up which gave most ( and not all) the benefits of marriage would have cost thousands... it was far easier and cheaper to get married. ( family hijacked the wedding and made it a do but that was our fault for telling them!).

What a good thread, the OP listens to the advice and acts on it. Marriage is definitely the best option here. I'd encourage you to keep working PT as well TBH, it's easier to find a new job when you've got one than when you're unemployed.

Follow through on getting married.
do not put that on the long finger.
make sure it happens before you give up work.

Congratulations OP, this is great news

Echoing the comments about not needing a wedding to have a marriage

We had a civil marriage completely separate to our interfaith wedding blessing and celebration - the marriage itself was completely functional

We did choose to have rings (but you don't have to) - but otherwise, we gave notice and booked the date and time, rocked up with a couple of witnesses, said I do, signed a register and got our certificates, then went for all day breakfast at the cafe across the road. In and out.

Good luck!

If you're in the UK you can take up to one year as ML and return to your job. A year is quite a while and you might change your mind once you're actually at home.

I don't think there will be many posters who recommend becoming a full time SAHP to just one child unless you're really really financially secure in your own right. Most people would recommend keeping a career going, part time if you'd prefer, as it protects you in case your circumstances change.

You need to protect yourself incase your DP likes the idea of being solely financially responsible for you now but three years in (and out of the workplace) your DP for example starts to think as your child is in nursery you should get a part time job.

Just had a sneak peek online and our local registry office does a 2+2 ceremony for just £46! Plus the fee for notice of marriage. Seems incredible that it will cost us less than £85 in total.

I'm assuming a 2+2 means the couple plus two witnesses - can anyone confirm/deny?

Just realised the notice fee is £35 per person, not per couple, but still - all in for £116.

Also, does anyone know if you have to live in the area to have your ceremony at the registry office? My auntie is a registrar elsewhere in the UK so was thinking it might be nice for her to do ours if that's an option (might be legal issues with her being family). she might get a discount too.

No, you can have it anywhere. I don't know if there's an issue with the registrar being related to you though.

You'll have to give notice in your own local registry office but the ceremony could be held anywhere licensed. Fees vary for different areas too so make sure you don't end up going somewhere way more expensive if you want to stick to a very tight budget!

Ex colleagues of mine quietly gave notice locally but didn't announce it to anyone, booked a half day, went to the registry office from work and got married in their 'civvies' with two delighted tourists as witnesses, went out for a late lunch and came back to work the next day married. No fuss whatsoever

Congratulations on the wedding.

I assume you are joint owners of the house? Make sure your name is on the deeds, even if you're married.

Instead of contributing the same to the joint account, you may want to have all income (incl child benefit) paid into the joint account and then you both take the same amount of discretionary income out. Huge boost to equality and means you don't have to ask for money if you want something but aren't earning.

Advance congratulations! I always think there's something rather romantic about the civvies, witnesses in off the street type of wedding.

Regarding the job - even if you hate it right now, I'd hang onto it till you're due to go back. You never know what might happen. My SIL was made redundant from her teaching job while on maternity leave, so even though she'd never planned to go back, she got a significant payout (fortunately she was tipped off this might happen). Also, it's surprising the difference a few months out of the workplace makes. If you find the state sector depressing (and it can be), there are many independent nurseries and schools to consider. Something must have drawn you to the line of work originally.

Also it will mean another 12 months of pension contributions and continuous service. If you're in the teachers' pension scheme, that's not to be sniffed at.

Appreciating the comments from people re: job advice. I don't feel able to keep working in the school I am currently at because of a very unpleasant culture and lack of support (have stayed so far to ensure I get my maternity pay). Won't be making any decisions about this until my situation requires me to, as PPs may be correct about changing my mind!

I will keep my options open during ML and may look at finding a part-time teaching position in a different school as a break with my baby might be all I need to reignite my original enthusiasm for the job.

I do still feel like I want to put all my experience of early childhood development and education into giving my own child the best possible start in life, and I really believe I can offer more than a nursery or childminder can (because of my own experience, not due to not believing that childcare is a worthwhile option in general). I suppose this isn't a decision anyone can make for me!

This is great op, such a sensible thing to do. Are you going to tell your families and friends? Hope it doesn't cause any upset. I think I'd just keep it a secret!

Sorry if this has already been mentioned and I've missed it but make sure your child benefit claim is in your name - you'll automatically be eligible for NI credits to stop you having a gap in your state pension contributions.

If you don't go back to work after the maternity leave period, I think you have to pay back the maternity pay.

Yes, make sure you time your mat leave carefully - the union can advise I think

If you don't go back to work after the maternity leave period, I think you have to pay back the maternity pay

Only whatever was over and above the statutory payments e.g. additional/occupational maternity pay. They can't ask for the statutory payments back! And don't forget you'll continue to accrue leave while you're off so if you're going to hand in your notice try and do it towards the end of the leave year so you'll be able to offset leave owed against repayments.

Another option would be leaving your current job and doing some tutoring and/or supply. Keep your hand in etc. Especially good idea if you've got a grandparent hanging around who could do every Wednesday or whatever. So you've always got one day you know you're available, and don't have to worry about forking out for childcare but getting no work.

Childcare costs is a big consideration, especially as there is a shortage of childcare in our area which makes it hard to come across even if you can afford it.

My parents are both well below retirement age and work full time (plus are two hours away even if they were retired!).

DP's dad works full time but his mum does have one day a week off. They're a decade older than my parents so retirement is more on their radars but I don't feel like we can push them into retiring just to benefit us! They haven't implied that they're ready to stop work yet, but the baby arriving may change that!

Someone mentioned paying back maternity - if I decide to stop my current job then I'll only take the statutory. Don't think I can use leftover leave to tag onto the end of my ML as teachers don't have annual leave as such. My understanding is that if I'm 'losing' the 12/13 weeks of holiday in my maternity year, then that's just the way it is - I can't claim that back.

In that case tutoring might suit you better. Primarily done in the evenings and weekends so if STBDH is around then, he can look after the child while you work. And there's always stuff like exam marking, I know they prefer secondary but I believe primary teachers sometimes do it.

I'm not sure how much tutoring work I would find as an early years teacher! I think supply (or a contracted one day a week position) would be my only option really. Would have to rely on MIL for childcare one day a week.

I have toyed with the idea of becoming a childminder myself (as there is such a shortage locally), but not sure if I'd be signing myself up to evenings with other people's children, which I don't think DP would be thrilled by (and neither would I if I'm perfectly honest!).

I thought as an early years teacher your qualification meant you could do all of primary? Though I appreciate your specialism is the younger ones. People do get infant aged children tutored though. It's a thing.