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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Party guest showed up early...

465 replies

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:32

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 01/12/2017 12:00

PS But i would have put a robe on and let her wait in the living room and made her tea when I was ready, so next time do that to avoid all this drama.

People being early is annoying though! For me much more annoying than people being late!

Intercom · 01/12/2017 12:00

Do they even realise she had the wrong time? Maybe it needs pointing out to them.

Tobebythesea · 01/12/2017 12:01

She was in the wrong in the first place. Sick baby = stay at home.

RhiannonOHara · 01/12/2017 12:01

Do they even realise she had the wrong time? Maybe it needs pointing out to them.

For heaven's sake.

The OP said aeons ago 'She definitely knew she was early - she acknowledged it herself.'

doobeydoo · 01/12/2017 12:06

FFS. Say you were out at the shops? That is totally ridiculous. The husband though, I'd feel sorry she is married to someone who clearly blames others and has anger issues. Are you not tempted to text him back? Or have the two husbands duel for your honour?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 01/12/2017 12:06

Well I’d have either thrown a dressing gown on and let her in or ignored the text/call and said I was actually in the shower.
But she was u to bring a baby to ill to be out to a party and the husbands overreaction is borderline comical. I’d give them a wide berth from now on!

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 12:08

Or have the two husbands duel for your honour

Actually made me laugh out loud! My husband's actual response was something along the lines of "what the f*ck does he expect me to do about it?!"

OP posts:
Intercom · 01/12/2017 12:09

It's definitely rude to be early for a relaxed social gathering. Arriving early is for business meetings, weddings, or events which aren't in someone's home where they may well be tidying/cleaning/getting ready until the last minute.

19lottie82 · 01/12/2017 12:15

She was BU by being early, and if this was due to transport ect she could have pre warned you

BUT I'm a bit baffled as why you didn't run down in a towel / dressing gown and let her in. OK you might have felt a bit awkward , but come on? You know she had a baby with her. Asking her to hang about outside for 10 minutes while saying you were just getting in the shower, was pretty poor, and I'd be a bit miffed if I was her

BUT her husband was an absolute crackpot sending those messages. WTF?

So, IMO you were all BU!

ShowerGel9 · 01/12/2017 12:17

I wouldn't have let her in. I can 100% see why you did what you did and sometimessages we just do forget things like somones child has got a cold.

Lizzie48 · 01/12/2017 12:17

I wouldn't have gone to the party if my baby wasn't well tbh. Really because there will always be at least one person who worries about germs and so the considerate course of action would be to stay away. Or at least she should have asked if it was ok.

It's actually a bit odd that she was so upset about being out in the cold, after she was quite happy to cross London by public transport. A few minutes longer wouldn't actually have made a lot of difference, as one other poster has pointed out.

TieGrr · 01/12/2017 12:17

In which world is it necessary for the DH to contact youR DH to get such an issue sorted out?

I know! It reads like he thinks they're both managers and now the situation has been escalated.

Pagwatch · 01/12/2017 12:18

It's entirely possible that she was in the wrong turning up early, the op was in the wrong turning her away and her husband was in the wrong being rude afterwards .

It's not PE people, you don't have to pick teams

strawberrypenguin · 01/12/2017 12:18

Stop apologising. A bit of fresh air won’t hurt a baby with a cold - I assume he was bundled up well. Her husband sounds like a loon and tbh I’d think twice before inviting her again

ShowerGel9 · 01/12/2017 12:19

I wouldn't want someone who I havnt known for lono waiting in my house whilst I have a shower. If I was rushed and in a tizz already it would just make me worse.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2017 12:21

I suspect the husband is only thinking of his wife and child and not about the op. All he sees is his wife and child turn up at the ops door on a freezing snowy day in London and she refuses to let them in.

I guess if someone did that to one of us, we’d be thinking “wow”. But we certainly wouldn’t call the person out on it, we’d simply decide they weren’t very nice and leave it there. The calling the op out on it repeatedly and being so rude about it loses them any high ground they had.

But yeah, I guess he’s thinking turning up half an hour early is minor in comparison to telling a mother and baby in that weather they couldn’t come in.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 01/12/2017 12:22

YANBU

DottyBlue2 · 01/12/2017 12:24

I would have ignored the text and gone straight into the shower, followed by a "sorry, only just seen your text! In you come!"

CAAKE · 01/12/2017 12:24

"It reads like he thinks they're both managers and now the situation has been escalated."

^This

Intercom · 01/12/2017 12:26

I agree, Francis. Yesterday's weather was cold, but nothing unexpected for the time of year. London is usually a little warmer than other parts of the U.K. too, and most parts have a cafe, library, shop, church etc. nearby where you can warm up. Not exactly the conditions of an Antarctic blizzard.

TokyoKyoto · 01/12/2017 12:26

Never mind is it rude or not (it is) or should you have left her in the cold (maybe not), but WTF is HE on?

This is how he is with you, a relative stranger. Imagine what he's like with his wife. I wonder if that's why she was early, anxiety about being late. It's total supposition but I would be WATCHING that man for signs of being an abusive, controlling fuckhead.

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 12:26

a freezing snowy day in London

At the risk of splitting hairs we didn't have any snow here - it was cold but sunny and clear all day. Even in my panicked state I don't think I'd have left her out in the snow!

But thanks for putting forward an alternative view of the husband. It's easy to paint him as the villain but regardless of whether or not I agree with how he's approached this I agree that at least part of his motivation was concern for his wife and baby.

OP posts:
Corkscrewbetty · 01/12/2017 12:27

I wouldn't be able to let this go. I can't stand it when people don't accept an apology. Get them told.

AlpacaLypse · 01/12/2017 12:27

You felt obliged to reply immediately because she could see you were online due to WhatsApp.

This is why I won't have WhatsApp on my phone!

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 12:30

I can't stand it when people don't accept an apology.

This is definitely what's bothered me the most. I'm the first to admit when I'm wrong. I'm genuinely very upset that he couldn't just say thanks for the apology and perhaps acknowledge that I didn't act maliciously. I feel like I've been put on the naughty step.

OP posts:
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