Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?

[sadiesnakes]

Just back from a short break to New York. I brought my 7 mth old dd, who is being fed aptimil formula, so purchased the individual 7oz bottles to cut out having no proper sterilized water facility’s in the hotel we stayed in. On the out going flight I packed 6 bottles and 4 baby food pouches which were put through a scanning machine thingie in security to detect whatever bad things it is they are looking for, reassured it was perfectly safe for the baby food, no problems. On the way back we had a short stopover, flying from LaGuardia to Dulles to Dublin (home). I had 6 milks in carryon and went through security, which is understandably very tight, no complaints there. All bags were scanned and again baby food was flagged. It was explained to me, since the bottles of formula were 7oz and not smaller I had a choice to either have them confiscated or accept an invasive 4 minute pat down. Since the trip was expected to be at least 12 hours I had no choice but to accept the pat down as my baby would obviously be starving and needed to be fed without question. It was thoroughly explained to me exactly how long it would take and what would happen, my sensitive areas would be gone over with the backs of the female security officers hand, I accepted and the pat down began, I was totally fine with everything, slightly embarrassed as it was done in front of a lot of other travelers but wanted to get it over with as pushed for time. She checked hair , neck, arms, chest, back, breasts, stomach, backside, up and down the insides of my legs, both front and back, so four times, but each time touched my vagina. Now im not prudish etc and understand they need to be very comprehensive in their searches, but this made me so uncomfortable I felt like bursting out crying. My Dh was holding the baby and all our luggage and was looking at me concerned and I felt so embarrassed. Basically I am saying aibu in being angry and humiliated that in order to have formula food for a 7 mth old baby for a 12 hour travelling period I have to have my vagina searched 4 times and does this actually make any sense, security wise? Sorry this is actually quite long😳.

If you are so sure Ravioli why did the security people think otherwise? It's still not clear from the post you left if the 100mls applies to the total or to each individual bottle.

When I have travelled before with a baby security have asked me to take a drink from the bottles of milk in addition to scanning milk or food

I have previously declined to drink from formula on long haul flights as, once opened, the ready made formula bottles need to be refrigerated.

FFS, you are not being groped and its offensive to people who have been sexually assaulted to compare the two things. You clearly have an issue with being searched and are looking to call it "groping"

PollyPerky I have absolutely no idea why security flagged additional concerns in this case. Why would I?

Yes, there is a crucial difference between vulva and vagina but, given the op describes how this happened in public, most people understood what she meant.

Yes, there is a crucial difference between vulva and vagina but, given the op describes how this happened in public, most people understood what she meant.

Nope. I didn't. I clicked because i thought she had been examined 4 times, internally. The subject line says nothing about in public.

Drama lama.

I feel your pain OP. I have a TKR and get a quite obtrusive pat down & rummage (inside waistband, under my breasts, lifting up my jumper IN PUBLIC every fucking time. It is so humiliating. I once asked if they were going to search me like that again, could we go somewhere private? What a palavar and the attitude was atrocious - even insisted I leave my handbag, passport, watch, phone etc behind in the little tray - I was travelling alone so that was very worrying. All this could be avoided if they had a simple screen in place.
It was beyond humiliating as they 'accompanied' briskly to a room miles away. It is just a ridiculous numbers game,
Meanwhile, back in the real world, men put on burkas and travel unchallenged

God, you are rude Polly.

I've had this done before and my reaction was the same as OPs. I also took myself by surprise and got very tearful and upset.

I understand why it needs to be done and accept that but there is something deeply dehumanising about being touched in this way by a stranger in a public place.

You can't help your emotions OP, it isnt easy for some of us to have done but unfortunately something that we have to accept as part of the world we live in now.

I travel a lot with work and seem to have this every time I travel more or less. The Indian officials are the most aggressive, but not once has it bothered me nor have I felt violated. If you think it was extreme, I would put a complaint in. Every time I have had it done, its always been a female officer do it too.

If I was going to hide something I shouldn't have, that area would be my first choice so it makes sense they check down there.

YANBU airport "security" is a fucking joke. I travel every week by air for work. I have worked out which queue to join at my local Shit Hole airport to avoid the regular gropes I was getting. The terrorists have actually won by forcing us all to accept this shit

Polly in the first post the OP says this was carried out in front of other travellers.

I was forced to choose to feed my baby or have my intimates searched

You didn’t have your intimates searched. You were patted down.

I have plates in my pelvis, over my pubic bone and in my back. It almost always sets the alarms off and I get patted down, usually when I’m sat in a wheelchair. I try to explain, but the officer doesn’t always understand so is quite thorough, and it’s painful for me. I’d rather it was done though because they can’t be too careful, IMO. The day they start being lax about security is when the bombers start getting through.

I'm talking about my individual emotional experience at having my vulva patted 4 times

I think your reaction is extreme. I would have laughed that off with DH. But even if you are not as chill as some people I do think your distress at this is a bit OTT.

Perhaps it would have been better if they had told you what they were going to pat down and why. No reason why they couldn’t have done that. At least you’d have been better prepared.

I'd rather be subjected to a few moments of body searching than be the victim of a terrorist attack.
Neither is pleasant but one is a hell of a lot worse than the other.

I think everyone feels uncomfortable about it. It's certainly unpleasant. I always get thoroughly searched and I hate it but I haven't found myself upset. I don't know if that has to do with the fact I'm a sexual abuse/rape survivor maybe. Because there's a reason for it, they don't want to do it I'm sure. It's almost a necessary evil imo.
I'm more outraged at the fact they didn't search your partner!

Charo, I'm also searched every time cause of my wheelchair. Cause obviously it's metal and sets off the buzzer. So surely if it's for balance, there should be a lot more able bodied men searched to counter all of the people travelling in wheelchairs?!

Btw to the previous person who mentioned their mirena, a mirena shouldn't set off the alarm? Mine never has (pre wheelchair) and my DHs rather substantial Prince Albert (I mean the size of the ring, not comment on what it's attached to 😂) hasn't either.

Oh and ps, to the people moaning about the vulva police, it is relevant whether op meant they brushed her vulva or vagina, as one implies a much more "thorough" search than the other.

Searching one person for detonators (when they carry liquid) seems pointless though. Surely all that does is teach terrorists to spread their resources amongst travellers? I mean OPs DH could have had one, but so could Joe Bloggs checking in as a separate booking half an hour later?

The OP has clearly stated she meant vulva and not vagina very early on in the thread so why posters are still picking her up on this is just wrong.

I would feel the exact same as you oP X

Its not nice to be searched in this way, and especially in front of an audience. However, its a necessary procedure, one which I myself have been subjected to on many occasions. I do prefer it when they have a screened off area, in India I had to stand on a little plinth behind a curtain, that was bizarre. I once got strip searched in Belgium too, coming back from Amsterdam on the train. The woman had a damn good look at my tiny knickers, all under a fluorescent light bulb in a storage room. Such is life.

OP, not surprised you were upset. Ignore the vulva pedants. It’s normal to be upset if you have your private parts touched by someone who you don’t want to be touched by. And you obviously had no choice but to submit to this because you had to have milk foryour baby.
There was a horrific video of a security guard patting down a young boy and really making a meal of it to say the least. His parents could only watch as it happened. Unfortunately these kinds of jobs will attract some people who want to take advantage of their position to assault others.

(I've also had numerous MRIs with my mirena in)