Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?

[sadiesnakes]

Just back from a short break to New York. I brought my 7 mth old dd, who is being fed aptimil formula, so purchased the individual 7oz bottles to cut out having no proper sterilized water facility’s in the hotel we stayed in. On the out going flight I packed 6 bottles and 4 baby food pouches which were put through a scanning machine thingie in security to detect whatever bad things it is they are looking for, reassured it was perfectly safe for the baby food, no problems. On the way back we had a short stopover, flying from LaGuardia to Dulles to Dublin (home). I had 6 milks in carryon and went through security, which is understandably very tight, no complaints there. All bags were scanned and again baby food was flagged. It was explained to me, since the bottles of formula were 7oz and not smaller I had a choice to either have them confiscated or accept an invasive 4 minute pat down. Since the trip was expected to be at least 12 hours I had no choice but to accept the pat down as my baby would obviously be starving and needed to be fed without question. It was thoroughly explained to me exactly how long it would take and what would happen, my sensitive areas would be gone over with the backs of the female security officers hand, I accepted and the pat down began, I was totally fine with everything, slightly embarrassed as it was done in front of a lot of other travelers but wanted to get it over with as pushed for time. She checked hair , neck, arms, chest, back, breasts, stomach, backside, up and down the insides of my legs, both front and back, so four times, but each time touched my vagina. Now im not prudish etc and understand they need to be very comprehensive in their searches, but this made me so uncomfortable I felt like bursting out crying. My Dh was holding the baby and all our luggage and was looking at me concerned and I felt so embarrassed. Basically I am saying aibu in being angry and humiliated that in order to have formula food for a 7 mth old baby for a 12 hour travelling period I have to have my vagina searched 4 times and does this actually make any sense, security wise? Sorry this is actually quite long😳.

Last time I flew I was patted down, as was my 3 month old baby. They did her first then took her away to find DH who had already gone through. It made me rather nervous that I'd lose her somehow! I almost always get patted down though, of course it's embarrassing (mostly because the stress of traveling makes me sweaty ) but they're just doing their job.

I'm talking about my individual emotional experience at having my vulva patted 4 times

I think your reaction is extreme. I would have laughed that off with DH. But even if you are not as chill as some people I do think your distress at this is a bit OTT.

Bully for you Migraleve, everyone is different and has different reactions to invasive situations due to past experiences, etc. I'm glad you and your Dh would laugh it off but that's nothing to do with me.

Polly - the op clearly says it was done in front of lots of other passengers. Sounds pretty public to me!

Not read the thread - did they not ask you to taste the milk? That's what they did for us and I was happy to of course so that was fine.

previous to this full body pat down I had also walked through their full body, X-ray scanning machine and was cleared there.

Sorry, I may be both ignorant and/or confusing you for another poster, but do/can they X-ray pregnant women at the airport?

Polly- done in public, right in the centre of everything, with a man waiting for his own bag being searched looking at me for most of it. And yes 4 minutes.

Don’t fly then.

I have frequent pat downs and they are quite often like this.

Recently I flew in a cast and had the most intrusive pat down (up) I’ve ever had. It actually made me blush and giggle.

Yes it’s uncomfortable. I’d rather go through it and be safe though.

I don’t want to compromise my safety because people feel uncomfortable with something.

Edmundcleverclogs- yes they do, I asked before I went through and was told it was perfectly safe.

I would be fine with that. Price can go at lengths to hide stuff in their genitals and anus. You were clothed and a female was doing it. Were you patted down in front of everybody. Or taken to a side room?

Did they ask if you wanted to have it done in private? I’ve had the same pat down probably around 50 times at least and I’ve ALWAYS been asked if I want it in private.

OP you also have the choice not to fly. If you cannot comply with the security restrictions on liquids and object to being searched then that may be your only option.

Personally I hate being patted down. But less so than being blown out of the air.

Yes they say the x Ray is safe. I always refused to go through it when pregnant as they’d just come out and a couple of TSA agents I know had told me they’d avoid them.

Does anyone who knows these things, know if you can request to be searched in private?

I've only ever heard this ridiculous vulva thing on MN, since maybe labeling it on a worksheet at school. I'm sure there are people who just lurk hoping someone will use the wrong word and leap on them, derailing threads gleefully. Vagina is the word I've been taught and used all my life as does anyone who has ever needed to talk about it I've known.

There are so many things that can be done to make the process less invasive, for all the people saying this is how travel is, has been for years, in all this time the security procedures could have been reviewed to make it bearable. Congrats to people who have no issue with a stranger rubbing their hands over you in public, I know I do. It feels accusatory, it feels horrendous, there is often no provision for anyone disabled or with any needs.

I've spent time teaching children that their bodies belong to them, they have a say in what happens to it, if anyone tries to touch you without permission tell someone. And then we have to let someone rub you up and down in public just so you can travel. It's bloody weird! Why do they have all the machines and stuff if rubbing is the best security. It isn't like a smear, a smear is something I book knowing what will happen and that I can change my mind at anytime and continue my day. At security you have no choice whatsoever, you stand and wait and don't know if it'll be you being watched as a stranger runs their hands over you. If you refuse you get arrested or whatever. Such a weird process.

They offer. As I said, in over 50 similar body checks I’ve ALWAYS been offered to have it done in private. Were you op?

Don’t fly then Goldilocks.

I don't, I can't, I'm disabled and couldn't manage to stand for a patdown.

Vulva is such a vulgar word, as is vagina. Can we not use the correct terminology? FLAPS

I was offered it done in privacy, nor did I request it tbh. My Dh has a prosthetic hip and often triggers the X-ray machine, (although not always and not on this occasion either) and he gets patted down, it's usually very quick and non invasive though and I was really expecting similar.

Good. Do they make clear the thoroughness of the pat downs before they offer to allow it to happen in private? Because I thought a pat down would be just a quick sweep around the body.

Anyway, at least I know now.

I wasn't* offered it

Meh. Look at Lockerbie and the world trade centre.

It wouldn't have phased me. Glad they are being careful.

Goldilocks, they do them seated if you can't stand

TinyBarmaid

sadie I really don't know what you hope to achieve by posting this in AIBU except a lot of sympathy from some and a lot of grief from others. If you are genuinely distressed, posting this on a worldwide forum, in the part of the forum where you can get very frank responses, seems unwise.

I don't know your age, but for me, possibly old enough to be your mum or even your gran, having a vulva patted with the back of a woman's hand, 4 x over loose clothes, in front of people or not, would be a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn't still be thinking about it or be outraged enough to ask for opinions.
I suggest that in 10 or 20 years time you will look back on this and wonder why you made such a fuss. Would you rather we were all blown up? Because that is your only option if you think these checks are OTT.