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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?

328 replies

sadiesnakes · 30/11/2017 09:43

Just back from a short break to New York. I brought my 7 mth old dd, who is being fed aptimil formula, so purchased the individual 7oz bottles to cut out having no proper sterilized water facility’s in the hotel we stayed in. On the out going flight I packed 6 bottles and 4 baby food pouches which were put through a scanning machine thingie in security to detect whatever bad things it is they are looking for, reassured it was perfectly safe for the baby food, no problems. On the way back we had a short stopover, flying from LaGuardia to Dulles to Dublin (home). I had 6 milks in carryon and went through security, which is understandably very tight, no complaints there. All bags were scanned and again baby food was flagged. It was explained to me, since the bottles of formula were 7oz and not smaller I had a choice to either have them confiscated or accept an invasive 4 minute pat down. Since the trip was expected to be at least 12 hours I had no choice but to accept the pat down as my baby would obviously be starving and needed to be fed without question. It was thoroughly explained to me exactly how long it would take and what would happen, my sensitive areas would be gone over with the backs of the female security officers hand, I accepted and the pat down began, I was totally fine with everything, slightly embarrassed as it was done in front of a lot of other travelers but wanted to get it over with as pushed for time. She checked hair , neck, arms, chest, back, breasts, stomach, backside, up and down the insides of my legs, both front and back, so four times, but each time touched my vagina. Now im not prudish etc and understand they need to be very comprehensive in their searches, but this made me so uncomfortable I felt like bursting out crying. My Dh was holding the baby and all our luggage and was looking at me concerned and I felt so embarrassed. Basically I am saying aibu in being angry and humiliated that in order to have formula food for a 7 mth old baby for a 12 hour travelling period I have to have my vagina searched 4 times and does this actually make any sense, security wise? Sorry this is actually quite long😳.

OP posts:
HateSummer · 30/11/2017 10:29

Why wasn’t your husband patted down though? You were both taking the milk aboard? How ridiculous...

Topseyt · 30/11/2017 10:29

It does sound unpleasant, and you do have my sympathy.

I think though that these searches are necessary. Unfortunately. I am also relieved when I find tight airport security. It reassures me a bit, even though admittedly it is a pain in the arse when you are going through it. I get more nervous when flying from airports which have seemed more lax about it.

Nicknacky · 30/11/2017 10:30

mish Not automatically otherwise they would conduct additional security on all parties everytime once person is selected for further checks for what ever reason. Don't think I ever get on holiday without one of my group being pulled to the side.

Uokbing · 30/11/2017 10:30

I knew when I saw the thread title that the vagina/vulva thing would kick off.

PollyPerky · 30/11/2017 10:30

but if it makes you uncomfortable it makes you uncomfortable.

yes, but get over it. we are grown women, No need to bleat about it on a forum and suggest it was more than it was.

SoupDragon · 30/11/2017 10:30

TBH, I would put this in the same category as a smear test - no one enjoys them and they are embarrassing but the person carrying it out really has no interest beyond the procedure and doing their job. A thing to just get through due to it being necessary. Obviously a pat down is way less intrusive than a smear test though!!

I too would have found it embarrassing but accepted that it was necessary.

MargoLovebutter · 30/11/2017 10:31

I always seem to set off the alarm, so nearly always end up in the starfish position having a random stranger touch me up and down, including several up and down my inner thighs to my crotch. I honestly couldn't give a monkeys, as I sincerely hope it is what is keeping me safe in the air. No one is looking, the security staff are usually civil and can't enjoy it anymore than I do.

You could always make a complaint OP. If the security guard was over-zealous or you felt that she really was touching you inappropriately, then you should probably report it.

raviolidreaming · 30/11/2017 10:31

Pollyperky

www.tsa.gov/travel/special-procedures/traveling-children

  • and from the US guidance available.
Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?
Iprefercoffeetotea · 30/11/2017 10:31

Not pleasant but neither is having a plane blown up. And I guess they can't exempt mums from searches as that would be an easy loophole! What could be a better alternative do you think? Ideally we'd live in better times I suppose!

They can screen fluids in hold luggage (and for Eurostar). I am really not clear why they can't do it for carry-on baggage.

opinionatedfreak · 30/11/2017 10:32

The link posted was the UK one.

The wording on the TSA website is different and refers to a "pat down".

OP was flying from US to Ireland so the the US rules would apply.

(I've fallen foul of this a few times as the rules on scissors in hand luggage very by country)

VladmirsPoutine · 30/11/2017 10:32

MN really can be another universe at times. FFS! OP felt uncomfortable. OP, I've been searched many times before and whilst it was uncomfortable experience I knew it was all part of the theatre act that is security. I don't think anyone with any intent to cause harm would happen to put a massive knife sello-taped to their thigh and stroll through security.

ScipioAfricanus · 30/11/2017 10:33

Charolais I always wonder if it’s just to balance out their profiling. The most ridiculous one was checking under my cap when I was 12 (long before 9/11). And yes, fine to check the 12 year old girl carefully, but why is this not applied to all the men going through too? It does feel like easy trgeys and it is right to question those in power rather than submit to everything that is down as ‘for our own good’.

Uokbing · 30/11/2017 10:33

Although saying 'have to have my vagina searched 4 times' does really make it sound like they searched you internally

10kToBe · 30/11/2017 10:33

Really?

Just how long has the 100ml rule been in force now?

Have you not flown in the last 15 years?

Nicknacky · 30/11/2017 10:33

charolais Can you stop using the word "groping"? Like I said, I search women no never once have I groped them.

It's pretty offensive to imply they are getting a kick out of it. Or doing it especially to the groups that you mentioned.

TeaAndToast85 · 30/11/2017 10:34

The vagina/vulva pedantry really gets my goat. It is obvious what OP meant, why be a dick about it? PS. OP that sounds horrible, you have my sympathy x

ScipioAfricanus · 30/11/2017 10:34

*easy targets

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2017 10:34

Oh fuck me, the vagina/vulva brigade arrived early on this one Hmm

Sounds awful OP but sadly necessary.

Chathamhouserules · 30/11/2017 10:34

I agree that you're overreacting even though it can't have been nice. Your intimates weren't searched they were just touched. By a professional.
And it is coming across a bit like you think you should have special privilege because you have a baby.
Try and put it out of your head.

DownTheChimney · 30/11/2017 10:36

I'm with you Polly

Just get over it! You weren't felt up or groped, they were just doing their job. Get on with your life and think no more about it!

Charolais · 30/11/2017 10:37

Nickynack I have been searched many times at security and some of the TSA females do GROPE. A few years ago there was one hell of a shit-storm about what the TSA was doing. Some TSA staff were borderline sexually assaulting passengers and other passengers were taking videos of it. Some people who were groped were members of Congress.

Anyway, enough people complained and they started acting more professional.

raviolidreaming · 30/11/2017 10:37

The American link I've posted clearly states volumes over 100ml are exempt. UK advice is the same. Reasonable amounts are considered what would be needed for the journey. I'm not sure what people are finding so complicated. It's not only breasted babies you'll see on planes.

Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?
happydays00 · 30/11/2017 10:38

op I think this sounds horrible for you and I would have been very embarrassed too I think. When I have travelled before with a baby security have asked me to take a drink from the bottles of milk in addition to scanning milk or food. I honestly don't understand why you received a pat down and not DH also?! Can someone who works in security explain this?

eurochick · 30/11/2017 10:39

The vulva/vagina distinction is very relevant here. Having my vulva touches at the top of a search up and down my legs - unpleasant but bearable. Having my vagina searched- a completely different story!

Anyway, that sounds like a standard US manual search. They are more "thorough" than us. I declined the radiation scanners when pregnant and travelling through the US and had the same. A bit unpleasant but the price of traveling to the Land of the Free...

Charolais · 30/11/2017 10:41

Nickynack It is offensive to be GROPED ! And NO I will not be quiet and take my groping like a good girl.

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