Having my vagina touched in security, aibu to feel pissed?

[sadiesnakes]

Just back from a short break to New York. I brought my 7 mth old dd, who is being fed aptimil formula, so purchased the individual 7oz bottles to cut out having no proper sterilized water facility’s in the hotel we stayed in. On the out going flight I packed 6 bottles and 4 baby food pouches which were put through a scanning machine thingie in security to detect whatever bad things it is they are looking for, reassured it was perfectly safe for the baby food, no problems. On the way back we had a short stopover, flying from LaGuardia to Dulles to Dublin (home). I had 6 milks in carryon and went through security, which is understandably very tight, no complaints there. All bags were scanned and again baby food was flagged. It was explained to me, since the bottles of formula were 7oz and not smaller I had a choice to either have them confiscated or accept an invasive 4 minute pat down. Since the trip was expected to be at least 12 hours I had no choice but to accept the pat down as my baby would obviously be starving and needed to be fed without question. It was thoroughly explained to me exactly how long it would take and what would happen, my sensitive areas would be gone over with the backs of the female security officers hand, I accepted and the pat down began, I was totally fine with everything, slightly embarrassed as it was done in front of a lot of other travelers but wanted to get it over with as pushed for time. She checked hair , neck, arms, chest, back, breasts, stomach, backside, up and down the insides of my legs, both front and back, so four times, but each time touched my vagina. Now im not prudish etc and understand they need to be very comprehensive in their searches, but this made me so uncomfortable I felt like bursting out crying. My Dh was holding the baby and all our luggage and was looking at me concerned and I felt so embarrassed. Basically I am saying aibu in being angry and humiliated that in order to have formula food for a 7 mth old baby for a 12 hour travelling period I have to have my vagina searched 4 times and does this actually make any sense, security wise? Sorry this is actually quite long😳.

To be honest I am happy for tight security measures at airports. Were you not aware that liquids over 100ml aren’t allowed in hand luggage? No one can think that somehow they are exempt from the rules, it’s for everyone’s protection. With a young baby I would check any airlines policy very carefully before travel, and even then accept that different airports do things differently. You might think what terrorist would hide anything in a babies milk, but they are not known for their scruples exactly. My daughter and her wheelchair are regularly searched, we accept this needs to be done as there are some nutters out there. Was your husband searched as well as you? To be honest try not to worry too much about this, it needs to be done, I’m assuming you were fully clothed and in fact you were touched a little closer to your bits than you would have chosen. Try to think of it as protecting everyone including your family’s safety.

Eh? They always have to poke around the crotch area (and underwire area) but over your clothes! No contact with your vagina.

I do not envy them their job.

Ive had those kind of body searches before, but always in Islamic countries so behind a screen in private. They didn't bother me.

I think it's the humiliation of being in public which would make it so much worse for me. The way you describe it, perhaps that's the key thing here?

Was it offered in private, or was having it in open the only option you were given? I think that's the thing I would complain about.

I haven't flown with babies for years and years. Can you buy ready mixed formula after security? Would less of it have made a difference (completely understand why you need that much though!)

No they didn't pat down Dh, or even look at dd. Just me. Thanks to pp im kind of twigging they were doing this to check for possible detonators? I didn't put having formula milk and carrying a detonator together tbh, and they didn't explain that either. Clarifies it abit though. Still think it's ott.

I had this happen to me when I was 32 weeks pregnant in Malaysia, And I didn't understand very much of what the lady was saying. Fortunately because it was in Malaysia, they have little cubicles so women can be thoroughly searched but in private. From what I gather I think the only reason why I was searched was because of my bump, especially as I had to uncover my bump to prove it was actually a bump. It is highly embarrassing and highly unpleasant, especially when it's for such reasons, but it is what it is.

Being really blunt, if there was a woman with loose harem pants who WAS carrying detonating equipment and she wasn't searched properly, and the plane blew up, how would security and the world feel then?

See the other side.

I'd rather have a hand wandering over my bits and any other woman's than be blown up.

I also wonder why you didn't package the formula in the right sized acceptable bottles.

YABU.

I understand the need to search people but I can't understand why the fact you needed to carry formula meant you specifically needed to be searched and indeed why only you from your party needed to be searched.

I get patted down every time I fly thanks to my Mirena coil that always sets the bleepers off. Never bothers me, I'd rather be checked and know that others are being checked properly too to keep us safe in the air. It's their job, they are doing it all day every day and whilst it's not nice, I'm sure it's worse for the person having to do it.

• Today 09:53 FlyMaybe

I've had the pat-down search more than once. It has never upset me. *

Bully for you. OP says she is upset and I can see why. I understand why they have tight security but a woman has a right to be traumatised about being forced to choose between feeding her child or having intimate parts of her body touched - in public - for 4 minutes.

It sounds unpleasant but could have been avoided if you’d checked the regulations for the volume of milk you could carry.

It sounds like they communicated the process well and it’s not something that they can modify because you were wearing soft jersey trousers rather than jeans. Using the back of the hand obviously reduces the touching aspect, and it’s just something they have to do. It’s not sexual or opportunistic - it’s a necessary procedure in the same way that a medical procedure would be. Unpleasant but necessary.

I think you’d do best to focus on the practical necessity of the search and the steps security took to minimise your distress by explaining the process, using backs of hands etc. rather than dramatising it to your vagina being searched 4 times, as I suspect this will just ramp up your distress.

I had a pat down like this once when I was on my period. I had to take my knickers down to show them my sanitary towel (in a cubicle thank god). That was horrible.

OP I think you should be careful of what you post because this type of post is typically one that would be picked up by the Daily Fail. :(

Sorry, I wasn’t being pedantic, I wasn’t clear if security had stroked across or tried to feel inside. That does make a difference, the first is a thorough security check, the second is potentially a sexual assault unless an explanation has been given about why this is needed.

forced to choose between feeding her child or having intimate parts of her body touched - in public - for 4 minutes

I’m not sure feeding the drama is helpful. There’s no where in the OP that suggests this happened.

It's just the size of the aptimil premade formula bottles required to feed a 7 month old, and had no issues going out as they had their laser machine to scan the milk. No problems.

The self righteous posters here who agree with the OP are the very ones who'd be suggesting more searches and tighter security if there was a bombing.

OP YOU were the one out of line with liquids outside the 'range' of volume. YOU were wearing loose clothing that could conceal equipment. So why are you so shocked and upset your crotch was patted thoroughly? Can't you accept you looked a likely suspect? Just a little?

Although this was intrusive I can totally understand why they have to do it I suppose it is possible to have things hidden around that area and unfortunately it's a sign of the times.i had it done to me and tbh I didn't see it to be that big a deal.This obviously is just my opinion of how I felt,everyone is different

I've had the pat-down search more than once. It has never upset me.

Nor me. I think you are being over-sensitive OP. I'm bloody glad they are thorough, because the alternative doesn't bear thinking about.

Wtf? Did your husband have to have a pat down too or just you because anything to do with a baby is seen as a woman’s job? OUTRAGED for you OP

Were you not aware that liquids over 100ml aren’t allowed in hand luggage?

Baby milk is exempt from this.

www.gov.uk/hand-luggage-restrictions/baby-food-and-baby-milk

mish presumably because the milk was in OP’s luggage and each adult traveller is responsible for their own carry on luggage.

Vet

"It was explained to me, since the bottles of formula were 7oz and not smaller I had a choice to either have them confiscated or accept an invasive 4 minute pat down. Since the trip was expected to be at least 12 hours I had no choice but to accept the pat down as my baby would obviously be starving and needed to be fed without question."

I will add I'm not suggesting that OP wasn't in the wrong not complying with the guidelines for liquids. Or that security did more than they usually do and they obviously need to be thorough, however I do feel for the OP as this would traumatise me. I don't even think I could go through with such an envasive search and would therefore not be able to feed my baby for 12 hours/possibly be unable to travel.

Horrible experience for you OP. I've had many a pat down, they've never touched my regions.

For the person who asked, she was above the permitted carry on size for liquids, so they wished to make sure she wasn’t a bomber trying to exploit the liquids rule to cause an atrocity, so they needed to be thoroughly sure.

Op, they don’t do it as a punishment, they are doing it to ensure as far as they can the plane is safe.

Wearing Harem pants also probably made it worse due to the low crotch on them, which could have been used to hide something.

The thing about these searches are you know you’re innocent. The agent doesn’t and they can’t tell by looking at you nor go with your word that you’re a good guy. They need to do it.

You are right to feel uncomfortable, there's no right or wrong on how you feel about being touched.

Was it the back of the hand? As I'm sure that would feel less intrusive and that is what they said would happen.